This little snippet was inspired by the song "Run Away" by Real McCoy
Nightshade is a novel about Tatiana, a young girl who gets dragged to a place called nightshade in order to become a Dreamweaver (Someone who gives people dreams) but things about her life have changes and she now relates now to some of the relms Nightdealers (someone who gives people nightmares) more. Her two partners are Brian and Anythony and the main Nightdealer is Skyler.
This scene takes place 3 months after Tatiana has been taken and she is sick of her life with in Nightshade
I hope you enjoy and will comment
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Tatiana couldn’t take this anymore. Crying wasn’t going to solve anything. No, crying never really got anyone anything. She flew off her bed and down the long spiral staircase that leads to her entry room, her doors, her freedom. She made it across the way in no time at all and just as she was about to slow a little to open her door it began to open by itself. A little smile grew on her face. Whoever was coming to bring her another order would only be helping her in her task to escape this place sooner. She picked up her pace, adrenaline coursing through her veins.
She flew through the opening in between the doors and caught a glimpse of her helper. Her heart missed a beat and she slowed for only a second before taking off down the long corridor. Tatiana thought she had cried herself out earlier, but she found her eyes sight being blurred by the vision of Brian’s puzzled look as she ran away from him. To her freedom.
Unlike when she had first arrived, she knew the halls that lead to the main entrance. Beyond that, it was only a matter of time until she got to the doorway to her world. Images of her sister Tasha popped up in her mind. ‘What have I put you through Tasha?’ Tatiana thought to herself as she made her way through the finial hallway before the great oak doors that would be open for the Weavers to walk in and out as they please.
Tati could see the light in front of her, calling towards her when something from behind her caught her attention. She turned slightly, still keeping her pace to see what it was. “Tatiana!” Brian yelled down the hall as he followed her at quiet a fast pace. Even from her angle Tatiana could see the pure emotion on his face as he watched her run away. The look on his face confirmed everything that she knew he was trying to hide from her these past months.
He loved her and now she was running away from the only place they could ever be together. She wasn’t trapped here yet. His features were in total anguish as he followed her though the doors and down the path that lead to the main road the two of them and Anthony had taken many times since she’d been here in Nightshade. Tatiana passed many Weavers on her way down, all of them looking at her in a state of confusion. But she kept going. She needed to brake free of this place. She needed to survive and be with her family. They needed her.
The sky above her twinkled with the stars that were always present in the constant twilight Nightshade lived in. The main road was less busy and it gave Tati a chance to really stretch out and work her legs. But Brian kept up and was slowly gaining on her. He yelled her name over and over again trying to get her to come back or at least slow down, but she wouldn’t. She concentrated on matching her breathing with her foot falls. The horizon was getting closer. Soon she would be there, the portal that would take her back. Tatiana had never actually crossed it alone before, she’d always held on to Brian or Anthony’s hand as they crossed but it couldn’t be that difficult. Brian was sprinting now and catching up. “Tatiana you can’t!! You’ll fall over the edge! Please! Come back!” his voice quivered with his fear of loosing her. But she wouldn’t stop, not even for Brian. She had a duty to her family and she needed to complete it. As the horizon grew closer so did Brian. She was ten feet from it now, she sped up. Three feet and sprinting. He tried to grab her hand but lost his grip. She leapt off the horizon and closed her eyes for the travel. She didn’t feel the normal heat of the portal on her skin; instead she felt the wind whipping past her face. She opened her eyes and saw on one side of her was the portal wall, different colors of the rainbow flashing before very eyes the other side there was just a void, darker then black and 100 times as empty as space.
Tatiana let out a scream as she continued to fall and closed her eyes. She couldn’t be to far from the bottom now. What was there to meet her? Sharp jagged rocks that would impale her? A vast ocean so she could drown? She didn’t want to know so she squeezed her eyes shut and thought of her sister’s face and how much she would miss her laugh. She thought of Brian standing on the ledge watching her fall and never knowing her fate. Of Anthony and Skyler and all the others she had met in Nightshade and of her family. She would miss them so much. Her heart hurt from the thought of never seeing anyone anymore. She let out a moan that held all of her pain in it. She felt something warm wrap around her and figured this was what death felt like. The warm feeling enveloped her and she sunk deep into it. “Thank you death, for not being painful.” She whispered as she felt warmth returning to some of her body. The wind whipping past her ears wasn’t even that bad anymore. As a matter of fact, Tatiana thought she heard a heart beat. Then she heard a chuckle. How glad she was to hear that chuckle. “I’m not death.”
Tatiana opened her eyes and they were met by a very distinctive blue jacket. The scent of rain filled her scenes and she smiled. Her arms wrapped themselves around Brian’s body and his arms tightened around hers. “I told you that you couldn’t get thought by yourself. Now hold tight” Brian said as he leaned towards the portal. The next second Brian and Tatiana were standing in Tatiana’s old bed room. It hadn’t been touched since she’d left 3 months ago
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"in no time at al land just as she was " ~ The spacing is off there. "al land" should be "all and"
2nd Paragraph:
"She flew thought the opening in between " ~ Should be "She flew through"
"found her eyes site being blurred" ~ Should be "found her eye sight being blurred"
"as she ran passed him, away from him." ~ there is no need for the "passed him", It's better as "as she ran away from him."
3rd Paragraph:
"Unlike when she had first arrived her she knew the halls" the "her" should be removed and there should be a comma after arrived.
Those are just a few corrections. My suggestion would be to read through carefully a few times after you are done writing. Very often you can catch some simple mistakes.
Some simple things I learned when I first started writing. Always end dialoge with a comma unless it's a quiestion or exclamation. That is something that got me many times. You don't have a whole lot of dialoge in this peice, but that's just for future reference.
I like where this is going though. It sounds quite interesting and I would like to read more. You should join the guild. There is a place to ask for writing help and other members can also help you out. biggrin