Lately I've been remembering the past a lot. Moments of bliss that seem so long ago, it feels like a shadow of a memory.
Like in the seventh grade, on a class field trip, I remember finally confessing to my best friends that I had a crush on Hunter. It seems like that happened ages ago, but it's been only barely a year. But I remember on that field trip, it had been all fun and games. At first they guessed, we laughed and joked on who I may like, but now... How long was it ago that I told myself continuously that Hunter an I would never be, but I was still willing to risk my heart?
I knew my heart would be broken, but when it finally was.... All this was unexpected.
Then last summer, I waited for Hunter to call, I had been left worrying of the future, but when he did call, I was too nervous to make any real conversation.
The begging of the school year, at first we had been nervous, but we were great friends, laughed lots, but I couldn't tell him I loved him, not since he said he loved another. No, I couldn't do that to him, but he ended up doing it to himself. He confessed liking another girl, they got together, and I finally had enough. As I knew, we didn't end up together, for a while he still clung to the thought I liked him, but he's dropped it. Almost like a forgotten memory.
Now we barely speck, but the other day I wanted to change that. I felt the hollowness in my heart, so I wished to fill it with his attention, even a little of it. I still do. I can't forget the past so quickly, but I wonder of the future. Will he fall in love the first girl again, is his current girlfriend just to fill his heart?
No...yes?
I can't see him being so cruel, yet what he did to my heart, maybe he is.
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Here We Are, But We're Still Lost
I have spilled my heart on this journal and now I am making it public. I doubt what you will find will interest you much. It's only my battered soul.
Lol, sorry, that was really angst, wasn't it?