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Everybody's doing this on Facebook... |
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Thought I might as well do it here too, since I practically live here.
1. I’m very paranoid. I fee like every minute of the day somebody is talking about me and judging me behind my back. I don’t like being paranoid. It makes me feel like I’m weak.
2. I don’t like being weak. I don’t like the feeling of helplessness and the inability to do what I want. Being weak is being useless, and being useless is being meaningless. I don’t want to be meaningless.
3. I want to get inside your head. I want to know what you think of me and in what light you view my actions. I know that deep inside, there’s some thing bad you want to say about me but you’re too nice to actually say it. I want to know what it is. And no, Honesty Box doesn’t help in the matter because none of you idiots write anything negative about me. Oh, by the way, who ever wrote “You and your vaginal fluids”- you’re a dumbass.
4. I feel like the universe and who or what ever is out there has been very kind to me and has never denied me of anything in life. I also feel like this is just the calm before the storm and that someday, on something that’s going to drastically change my life, I’m going to be stricken down and I won’t know what to do with my life.
5. I have clammy hands all the time because I’m nervous all the time. I don’t know what makes me nervous like I am; I just am. I don’t like being nervous.
6. During some point in the day, I will have a moment when I’m at the peak of my anxiety levels when my hands tremble and I’m muttering to myself. At these times, I feel like I’m about to break or I’m about to break something. Therefore, stay out of my way.
7. I feel like I’m the most insincere person in the world, like every other word that comes out of my mouth is a lie. I don’t like this feeling. I don’t know who I’m lying to, I don’t know what I’m lying about, I don’t even know if I am lying.
8. This note is in all honesty. I think. I hope, at least.
9. I’m an arrogant, pompous a*****e. I’m sorry if I’ve ever hurt you or if I’ve ever repulsed you. I was probably too arrogant to have considered how you felt. I’m sorry.
10. I feel like a budgie sometimes: strutting around like I owned the world, but in reality I’m just a dumb pretentious bird with no actual value but for the mockery of the world.
11. I don’t like being drunk. I feel like the temporary happiness is so fake that I can bite into it and it would snap in half.
12. I want to go to Yale really badly. It’s sort of painful, actually, because I know I won’t get in. Yale just seems like such a good opportunity for that force up there to say “This is when I’m going to kick you off your horse and completely ruin your life” (see number 4). I don’t think I’d be able to stand that blow when, and not if, it comes. I won’t know what to do with myself then.
13. “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything” is the dumbest quote I’ve ever heard in life. I don’t want to stand up for anything because it’s always the tallest trees that get cut down the fastest. I’m not happy with mediocrity, but the world is. Call me a coward, but I’d be happy to be a blade of grass.
14. I dislike political ignorance with a passion. The day of the US election, a bunch of 9ers were running around screaming “Obama”. I went apeshit when I asked why they supported him and was told they didn’t know. Dumb to the core.
15. I dislike politics in general with a greater passion. I’m not sorry for offending anybody.
16. I frequently feel the urge to scream. It’s kind of difficult because I live in a crowded townhouse where I’m not even allowed to play my trumpet above ground level. I resent the feeling of noise trapped in my throat and think that everywhere I go, there should be a soundproofed room with padded walls where I can vent my anger.
17. I hate the smell of humans. This sounds totally weird. I don’t mean BO and the regular stuff. I’m talking about the smell of greasy hair and skin. I can’t stand it. Can’t smell it? Then don’t let this fact bother you; I’m probably just weird.
18. Everything in life I do is a business. When I give something, I want something in return. I resent it when certain people take my services, respect and abilities for granted and don’t give me anything for my troubles. I think those people are doomed to this world and should never have existed in the first place.
19. I’m leaving next year. Sorry guys. Too bad.
20. I like wandering alone at night when there’s nobody else around. Especially if the moon is really bright and if there’s snow on the ground. I also like it when it’s cold enough to see my breath. I like the way it disappears into the darkness.
21. I like the word grotesque and what it stands for. I think I have a grotesque personality.
22. I’ve been told that I’m bipolar. I don’t know for sure if I am, but I hope not for the sake of you nice folks who have to put up with me all the time.
23. I feel guilty all the time. I feel like I should be so much better and so much more than what I am right now.
24. When I feel crappy, I can always go practice for half an hour and feel better. Sadly, I’m not allowed to practice after seven o’clock, which is when I usually feel hopeless. Oh well; life sucks.
25. I think I put too much of myself into this note. I kind of regret it now.
 crooked_signal · Mon Feb 09, 2009 @ 04:22am · 0 Comments |
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