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Hold that thought? How long do you want me to do that? Forever? - And ever?

I’m sick of giving. – Yet I continue to do so just for you

I’m sick of this crap. – But I deal with it.

I’m sick of giving people what they want. – But I do.

I want things to. – But I don’t get them.

I want to be me. – But no one will let me.

I want to be cool. – I’m not.

I want to be loved. – . . .

I want to be a vampire. –impossible.

I want to live forever. – But no one will help me.

I want to be beautiful. – But I’m ugly.

I want to live up to every ones expectations. – But there are too many.

I want to make every one happy. – But I can give what I don’t have.

I’m sorry I don’t. – I’m sorry I can’t.

What’s funny is that so many people have said that ‘it’ll get better.’ All throughout my childhood “Oh it'll get better” “Don’t worry.” “It’s ok.” but they're only reassuring themselves . . . they want to tell themselves: “Hey it’ll get better!” Not even caring what the poor person next to them feels.

People make mistakes. - Oh, I know.
But, it seems that I keep making more then necessary.

We all have our bad days.
But why do all mine seem to be multiplying into my everyday life.
My life can suck all on its own, I don’t need any help.

What I don’t get is that I try so hard.
So very, very hard!
And all they want is more . . .
My question is . . .
Why me? – Why not someone you care for?
What about me gives you the idea that you can stomp all over me? – You don’t own me
What makes you think that you can call me stupid, idiotic, or dumb? – No need to speak the truth.

I give you all I have! – All of it.
Everything! – Home, love, gifts.
I give everyone, everything, I have! – All.

It’s killing me . . . – Always will.
It’s hurting me . . . – Always have.
It’s tearing me apart . . . – Inside out
It stings . . . – Like a paper cut soaked in lemon juice.

I’m sick of saying sorry . . . – I’m tired of saying something I don’t mean.

I’m sick of looking at myself . . . – No more mirrors.

So since you seem to enjoy my pain just so much . . . –Just so much.

I’ll say this:

Sorry I’m not good enough.

Sorry you can’t seem to see me through your selfishness.

Sorry I don’t happen to have it all.

. . .

Sorry I’m not perfect. -


Never will be.

Never have been.

Never could be.

Never can be.

Never was.