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Oops, my bad. I didn't mean to leave this kind of profile up for so long. I'm sorry I didn't change it. Things have flowed so much that I hardly noticed. Note that in my profile layouts, the videos are never specifically at people but reflect how I feel towards situations, people, or how I am at the moment. My videos are for me because I don't know how people react to videos. I may be able to relate them to songs but never to videos. I know better.

My mom is sending me a birthday care package early. I decided I would go home the 21st weekend and stay there for a while. Maybe until the 26th? I'm not entirely sure. I want to spend time up there but not exactly sure HOW LONG. Lol. I have a couple things I want to do, who knows if they will actually be done or not. My mom is going to drive me back home with her that 21st afternoon since she has a tennis match that day in Concord. We might stay at the house of my aunt Karol (-hides and feels sick to stomach with butterflies-) who might be housing Karlie (WHOOOPEEE! -Squeels of joy-) at this time. Like I said, who knows.

So there are a lot of anime characters people think I relate to really well. Whatever. Just wanted to point that out. Teej says I used to be a lot like Haruhi. I looked like Sakura for a while. I've got Nana's strength and weakness. Ryoko and I are so similar these days. I think they are just made that way though ^^" But it is fun to think of it as yourself being projected in there ^^" Egotistical but still... fun.

There was this girl behind me today in English talking about how it was this girl's fault she never did well in school. She said that she would always drag her along for things, saying things like "You have to study? Oh... well you wanna go out for Thai?" Then the girl would agree and go with her. Whose fault is it? WHOSE? Don't tell me it's the girl who proposed something fun. Yes indeed the friend should have respected the other one with the test but was she necessarily being a bad person or friend? Maybe she thought the other girl needed to relax a bit. It really irks me when people say things like it was the other girl's fault. The one with the study problem is the one who should have stood up for herself. GD. There are so many things I would like to say but I won't. I have been in this situation so often. Persecuted because I have a different lifestyle that other people try to mimic because they envy me. I got to my lifestyle painfully too. Don't make the assumption that because I am happy now that I never went through anything like you did!

My mom missed my brithday two years in a row. She wasn't there for one and the other she totally forgot. I was a spoiled girl in the sense that I was friends with everyone but not. I knew everyone and everyone knew me but no one knew the inner self that was hidden away. I have had two friends for a lifetime. Andrea and I used to get in fights every week in like third grade or second grade. We got over that and have only fought one big fight after that in sixth grade, where we almost had a falling out. I betrayed Christy, the first friend I have ever betrayed, in fourth grade by setting her up with a guy. I gave them both fake love letters and our relationship was awkward for about a yeasr then we got over it. I cheated on tests in fifth grade but was never caught, they were spelling tests and I knew the answers but shared them with two other girls. I was nominated teacher's favorite twice in a row, fourth and fifth grade. Sixth grade I was friends with only guys so I fogot how to be friends with girls. At the end of sixth grade girls accepted me into a clique and I totally dumped my guy friends. The girls then betrayed me. I never really fit in with them anyway. My mom and dad were never home throughout my life and when they were they would cook then watch tv and then bed. I was in charge of myself my whole life, telling myself to play my intsrument and do homework. My mom would nag us about cleaning, playing our instruments and homework but never actually was able to get us to do it. She didn't help unless we were failing or it was a big project. I had sports all throughout my life. Soccer then gymnastics. Basketball then volleyball. Sychronized swimming then swimming. I did two sports at a time for every season so after school we grabbed a snack, did homework then sport time. Dinner time when we got home then to bed. I never rebelled as a child. I believed my parents emphatically. After fifth grade, I started rebelling. I questioned playing instrument time and played video games instead. I never was hit but my brother was. His cries were like stabs in my own heart. So don't tell me I don't know what you feel about envy or about wanting to rebel but not being able to. I WENT THROUGH PAIN TOO! I wasn't this free before. There is suffering to get what you want! DEAL WITH IT YOU BRATS!