Words long said ago still seem to cut my flesh deep, penetrating to my very soul. No one can truly see how much its hurts, how much I ache inside. A smile, or a friendly word here keeps them pacified. Showing strength to keep others going seems to be the only thing I'm doing.
Keeping my mother from falling into depression.
Consoling my dying grandmother.
Comforting my sad little sister.
Yet it seems that with al lof this I've yet to tend to my own broken mind, my shattered heart. Constant suppression of every emotion I've felt since that night rips me apart every time I even begin to think about it. Even now, as I write this, my throat burns as I choke back sobs, my eyes are welling up and the words of the screen are blurring.
So. With my self confidence dissolved, my pride beaten down, and my faith in God tried to the breaking point, I numb my mind with my academic work. Here, in this faux world of fantasy, I ask you God, with all of my readers, (If any) witness to my public prayer.
Please, make these feelings stop.
Amen.
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