It sucks when you try to help someone and it's like it's never enough. It's like your not what they really need. You go and give them advice, you try to help them the best you can from making themsevles miserable, but you know a person can only go so far. It sucks when you friend says you didn't stop them from walking out on you. But what can you do? Force them to be your friend? No.
Then to add on to it, they let everyone else fight their battles for them and sit there and say you don't compare to the other friend. Which is annoying considering you don't fight with the other one as much.
It hurts a lot more than I let on but you know, there are times when just like she shows all the time, I want to sit in fetal position and cry about all the bad things in MY life instead of always having to smile for that friend. No matter what you do it's never enough and people reach a breaking point. Mine just happens to be steadily leaking over and still trying to hold the door clorsed.
I don't know what to do anymore.
My father keeps trying to guilt trip me into going to see him this summer and it's making me feel crappy. I've got loads of projects due these next two weeks and finals all of next week. My mom found my sister and I's kitten dead this morning; my animals keep dying... This summer is going to be stress overload not to mention how much it already hurts thinking about how much I'm going to loose by the time next year starts. . . I've already lost 2 friends and what have they lost? Nothing.
I think this poem I wrote accurately describe my feelings about now.
There are times in my life
I like to run and hide
There are times when there is strife
And I feel I can’t take this ride
There are times when the road keeps going
And my secrets keep showing
When I feel the fear
I shed some tears
When I feel alone
There are feelings I cannot condone
When I feel in love
I sprout wings and fly like a dove
When I feel hurt
My only comfort is the black dirt
Eyes on the future
I keep looking for something better
A rose, a sign, even a letter
A way to forget the past
And something to help live in the now
Where the world is twisted
And when the people are full of hate
I need something to believe in
A little dream
That someone will rescue me
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