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First off let me say this: No I am not physically twelve years old. Mentally I'm around twelve years old. Secondly, this entry is for myself only. I need to sort through things and put them back into order. Things you may already (and probably do) know.

When I was twelve years old, just shy of my thirteenth birthday, my dad came bounding up the stairs and (for lack of a lesser word) attacked me. Body slammed me, hit me, yelled, whatever you want to say but in the end it all comes down to; I was scared. For a kid who has never been through that before...to have it happen suddenly with no warning...yeah, I was scared. Somewhere in that time I must have called out for something to save me. What I got in return was a demon. I don't know the name by which it calls itself but I named it Aaron a few months after the attack.

I wanted someone or something to give me protection. Aaron wanted a body and a life to mess around with. It was a Win Win. But several years after the first time, things got worse. I couldn't figure it out so all I could do was trust in Aaron. He would live for me. It got to a point, around when i was 14, that I (Angie Dockter) was dead. There were periods sometimes long as weeks where I have no clue what I would do. I would joke about these times however. "If you hit me in the back of the head I'll forget a day!" I said to my friends. (I still do actually.)

Each year on March 11th, Aaron would take over for me and we would visit the place where we hid. Around my block in some bushes. There we would sit and he would stroke my hair until I was clam enough to face the school day.

Ah ~ School. The place where Aaron ******** me over the most. What was the point in learning when we all end up in the same place? He had more important things to do than worry about my future. Years passed and I still wasn't right...I would try dating and I would try laughing and I would try to just smile but with each passing day it became worse and worse. The little part of Angie that was left alive was dead. I was ready to throw in the towel and call it quits.

Until I acted on that one random thought about Megan. She shot through my darkness and lit up my world. She pulled me back from the edge of death. Well, Aaron wasn't too pleased right? He forbade me from talking with her and broke it off twice. I decided that I wanted to live my life so I kicked him aside. I screamed that I wouldn't listen to his lies any longer. . .but when megan showed me an Anime named Kuroshitsuji, I started to wonder again; Is Aaron really gone? Is my life really mine or am I just kidding myself?

I'm scared to tell the truth. I fear that Aaron is still here. I refuse to tell the pack ( HINT ) because I don't want to be burned. I honestly and wholly love Megan. I will find a way to break the contract I made with Aaron that day so many years ago.

Bah, then, Just minutes ago I was talking with Tor. He gave me a short little speech that Megan said a while ago. I hope she won't get too mad at me for posting it.

"The truth hurts. How can you enjoy the one life you have, if you focus on the little things?

My point: it will always be something. You'll get over this, and something else will attack your mind. You need to realize what all humans need to realize: your issue is not the problem, your need for the issue is the problem.

Meaning: humans always have the issue. They always need something to be wrong,

some great challenge they need to overcome. But in all reality, does that problem matter in the big picture? No, of course not. But the human mind needs that problem to focus on. It unconciously forces that problem onto itself, in order for the host to collaspe onto.

Therefore: you issue is not the problem, your need for it is the problem."

Yes, I never thought that "Just get over it" would ever be the answer to something. I just need to get over this! This being my need to worry about what will happen between me and Aaron. I just need to get over it.

Which brings me to my twelve year old nature. If I just get over it does that mean I'm a coward hiding away in something else? I love to laugh. Laughing is my way of getting over something. People yell at me when I laugh. I hate it when people yell so I avoid the things that they yell at.

to sum it all up; what I'm wondering is this:

How do I get rid of my need for a problem? How do I "Just get over it" ?