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What is this depression?
My entertainment bores me,
And cheery music saddens me.
I don’t even care to eat,
And I’m incredibly underweight as it is.
My metabolism slows,
Yet I still shrink.
I feel sick and unsatisfied,
But I don’t care anymore.
I can’t sleep at night;
I don’t even remember the last time I was fully awake.
I care not anymore.

What is this pain?
My chest hurts,
But it’s not my asthma this time.
It extends to my stomach,
But it’s different from hunger.
Is it sorrow,
Radiating from my heart?
Is my misery so bad,
That even my body is affected?

What is this itching in my eyes?
I think I’m going to cry,
Yet no tears emerge.
Is it my want to express myself?
To show how I feel
Behind this fake smile?
Are my tears just too shy to show themselves?
Or is it that tears aren’t enough
To show how I feel?
Are my eyes afraid of being mocked,
Or do they know that there’s not enough water in my body to show my pain,
Even if I start crying blood?

What is this longing?
This lust for blood…
The wish that blood would flow outside,
The crimson ribbons streaking my wrists…
This want to grab a knife…
This need to end it now…
No!
This isn’t the end.
But can I even finish?
Will I survive until the end?

What is this dream?
This vision for the future,
Of social and emotional struggles,
Of the reward on the other side?
I see a sliver of light in this tunnel of pain,
But can I make it?
I see the fruits of my labor,
If I can only hold on…
Can I hold on?
Or is it just a dream?
An illusion illuminated by useless hope?
A mirage, promising reward in a desert of loneliness?

What is this feeling?
This realization of my insignificance?
I’m never good enough;
When I’m not short by one,
I’m short by one thousand.
Lies flow from my closest friends to comfort me—
Are they afraid to tell me what I already know?
Or are they just blind to the abilities I lack?

Who is this stranger?
Is it Agony?
Is it Bitterness?
Is it Carelessness?
Is it Depression?
Is it Everything That Could Go Wrong?
Is it Frustration?
Is it Greed?
Is it how I will turn out?
Is it Illness?
Is it just my imagination?
Is it Killing Me?
Is it Loneliness?
Is it myself in a twisted mirror?
Is it no one at all?
Is it only a dream?
Is it Pain?
Is it Quitting?
Is it Right Where I Went Wrong?
Is it Sorrow?
Is it Turmoil?
Is it Ultimate Torture?
Is it Violence?
Is it Where I Slipped From Joy?
Is it my ex come back to haunt me?
Is it you?
Are you the end to my problems?

I can go though the alphabet a million times
Sooner than I can name this…
What is this?