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Grandma goes to court
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'
She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, ' Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'
Subject: Widdle Wabbit
A precious little girl walks into a Petsmart shop and asks, in the
sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter,
do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that
he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a
thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown
wabbit over there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees,
leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,
"I don't think my python weally gives a thit."
 Archeops · Thu Aug 20, 2009 @ 04:36pm · 0 Comments |
