Mood: Pissed off and Depressed. :c
Currently Listening To: Nothing, but my brother had it on MTV hits and now I can't get Jesse McCartney and Nelly out of my Goddamn mind! =.= JESSE MCCARTNEY MUST DIE. And I probably spelled that wrong. OMGSOWHAT.
Currently Listening To: Nothing, but my brother had it on MTV hits and now I can't get Jesse McCartney and Nelly out of my Goddamn mind! =.= JESSE MCCARTNEY MUST DIE. And I probably spelled that wrong. OMGSOWHAT.
Grrr. Today just sucks! I'm pissed off because I found out that SOMEBODY had been cutting their wrists again. This whole "I quit cutting myself" crap is getting old. If you're gonna keep at it, at least don't lie to me.
So you can all see I'm pissed off at my friend right now. n.n
I'm also mad at my dad, because he's a paranoid b***h sometimes. T.T And I'm still pissed becausemy computer has no INTERNET still. All I can do on it is listen to my already downloaded stuff, which gets old a lot. And write my fanfic...but I'm not in the mood these days.
Also, I'm pretty irritated at myself. Tried drawing again today, still can't do it. =_= For ******** sake, I hate how people who CAN draw make it look so easy. It's not. for me, at least. And what pisses me off more is when everyone compliments me on my drawing. I hate it because even though they like it, I hate my work. Not ONE thing I've ever drawn I really really like. And it makes me feel stupid, because I want to like my work so bad, but I just can't draw. My proportions just SUCK. I feel like I need to burn in hell for my horrible attempts at drawing.
It kinda makes me want to give up drawing, but I know I can't, because I like to draw. I just wish I could do it right. -_- I'm so impatient. I've only been drawing for a year, so not liking my work is okay, right? I wish someone would teach me. I'm scared to ask they people I know, though, because I'm scared of them thinking how stupid I am.
Iia's Self Confidence = -6347727664747.64
I hate myself! *emo*
Anyways, =w= I'm hoping I can get my parents to allow me to order my Wacom tablet tonight. Then I can make my crappy drawing look at least a little forgivable. v.v;
And I want to learn about Oekaki. D:< I like how drawing look with oekaki style or whatever, so I really want to learn about it and maybe use it one day.
^If that sounded n00bish, I'd like to inform you that I don't know what the hell i'm talking about. K thx.
I'm beating myself to death because I just feel like I don't fit in, which kills me. I'm not asking to be popular or anything, I just want to be happy with myself. I feel so detached from everyone. Even talking to people like Bonnie or Kristan and Macy and all, I feel...on a lower level. And I always have stuck in my head that I'm just like a little lost noobie that everyone can take advantage of. I hate to be thought of like that. But that's what I think everyone sees me as, and I think it's MY fault because I KNOW I don't have the courage to speak up or do anything. The only people I really act outgoing in front of is Donovan and Josh and Jake and Cody and Olivia and those people. I guess that's where I feel like I can talk about whatever and not be thought of a weird in a bad way. D:
And I think my Naruto OBSESSION is dying down. =) Finally!
I just finished eating my pizza, so I'm going get another piece.
I EAT TOO MUCH. My stomach's starting to bulge a itty bit and i'm going to be fat in a few years.
The only part of my body I still love are my little arms. Espeically my wrists, because a lot of my bracelets are really loose on them and make me look thin. x3 Which is why I could never cut them. <3 Be happy, Tess! And my arms are thin. <3 Not that I WANT to be anorexic. o.o I just don't want to get really big. It's like a fear. But exercising is no fun. D: And I'm weak as hell. Got no upper body strength at all. =[ I need to find a way to start working out more that's not my DDR pad. Something FUN. I should ask nanny what it's like to have a perosnal trainer. If I were forced portion control and to exercise, I'd actually do it. xD
Ok, enough of me sounding like a frigging cheerleader.
I need to make up my mind about what the hell I am. @.@
Everyone's gonna be like "WTF wuz dis about? IIA GET A LIFE!1 LOLZ/"
stare Nyah. </3
I'm acting like I'm the only person whoever gets angstyangry. I'm so spoiled. xO
Community Member
Forgive me if this isn't a long comment. I just feel reeally tired, and I don't feel like typing a really, really large comment, to try and think of all the things grouped together.
Someone cutting their wrists again? Well...I'm not sure if I can say anything that would help, but I hope your friend doesn't keep doing it.
I've seen others who can draw hell a lot better than I do. I'm only really, really proud of my work a few times. There will always be people who are "better" at artwork than others. But no one's the best. Because there are a million people out there who have the same talent, or whatever.
There are probably many other people who feel that they don't fit. There are people who feel stupid and don't have any confidence at all. I, myself, feel like that in a way. I can't speak up, I'm afraid to speak, or walk over to someone to just say hi. Immediately, I'll think that the person will hate me for saying something. But you're not alone when it comes to feeling left out. Maybe you should try to talk to people who have no friends. I used to do that, and if I could, I would do that now. Of course, a lot of people are rich, snobby jackasses. ><
Fat's not a bad thing. x3 I'm fat. Bwahaha. Or just chubby. And I don't worry about it usually. Of course, the fear of getting diabetes and crap like that. But I still don't let it bother me. xB
...
xB I sometimes get the feeling that I include myself in everything. Like...in a conversation, I talk about me a lot. It drives me nuts, because it makes me think I'm self-centered. D=< In a way, I kinda am, but I don't think entirely. I love my friends and family, and stuff like that. I just think that I say...well, "I" too much. Including myself in other's conversations. xB Hee. Sorry. I needed to get that off my chest. D:< *Hates the word "I" now*