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Never a happy note
You know, reading over my previous entries I find it amusing that I only ever write when things are going bad. Guess I just need to clear my head. Amazingly now that I'm writing things are actually looking pretty good. I'm not a criminal anymore which is good news, and I have a stable life. But that's kind of the problem. I don't want a stable life. I want something thrilling, exciting. And it seems that whenever I'm about to get it something goes pear-shaped. But that's ok. I realise I need to wait. So instead I'm going to spend this time growing. For my entire life I've been a coward. I wrote about how I was in America. I was there to run away. To leave my problems behind and pretend nothing was wrong. I was going to do it again. Run away to Queensland. But then my accommodation fell through. Good thing I double check these things. So now I'm stuck, waiting on money that will take a while to come, and living with a father I'm terrified of. Pretty screwed up huh? My biggest fear is my father. I can't ever confront him. I can't even wake him up when he's sleeping. A thousand times he's asked me to wake him up at a certain time. I'm always late to do it. Cause I'm scared of waking him. I'm scared he'll get angry. Pathetic. But at least I know why I'm scared. I've heard the story. Once when I was a baby my mum got up to go to the bathroom. While there, I started crying. Dad woke up. Back then he wasn't very good at waking up. He was rather angry. As I recall he threw pillows at me. But that detail might be a bit off. He did something anyway. And so for as long as I can remember, I have been scared of my father. And every day I spend sitting here waiting, I feel like my ambitions are getting harder and harder. I know what I want to do won't be physically possible in 5 years time. Not without some sort of progress now anyway. So every second counts really. And trust me, my job isn't easy. I'm not going to say what I'm attempting, but it's ridiculous. And for some reason, I think I can do it. No one else I know has shown any sign of having a practical plan. But I do. I just need to work this bit out. Luckily, I think I have a solution. Any one who ever feels like reading this, wish me luck.

P.S. Love you Victoria, if you ever feel like looking in my dairy.