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Yea, people. I'm writing about personal s**t on the computer, again. You got a bad opinion about it, then suck it.

Anyway. My mom goes into major surgery soon. She'll be getting 60% of her regular salary, so we'll be so tight we can't afford food for another four weeks. I'm gonna try to help her make it last, though I haven't been doing a good job. I'd aspired to skip lunch at school since it's expensive and just eat a muffin or something, but I've been lax on it. So, I'm going to stop eating lunch. On the bright side, I might lose a few pounds.

I'm gonna go out and start doing odd jobs for people to help my mom with the bills. I'm not allowed to get a legit job because my main focus is supposed to be school. But if I win this competition coming up in May then maybe I'll be able to take her to Hawaii with me for the international competition and give her some relief from pain and squalor.

I can't stand my ******** life. I hate my father at the moment, and I think it's because there's a virus on the computer and he can't help because he's too busy.

I've been hearing that from quite a few people, actually. "I'm busy." I'll list some of them.

My dad.
My mom.
4 of my friends.
My grandmother.
My brother.
My ex-boyfriend, who is still my best friend.
And my current boyfriend.

Yet, I do believe that they aren't being entirely truthful to me. I'm tired of being lied to so often. It's funny, because I actually thought about what life would be like if I were dead.

I played out the scenario in my head of what would have changed.

Nothing did. No one cared. I was buried without word, and without prayer.

I hope that heaven exists, because this is some hell that I'd love to escape from.