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As i lay my head down to rest i begin to dream,

When i begin to dream i see myself falling from an empty sky, no clouds, no wind, just the still of night. all i can see is myself falling faster and faster eyes closed, yet able to see no sound passes my ear drums no air cutting past me just the simple movement of my yellow hair as it blows through the air, and then a splash, a Tremendous noise awakens my clear eyes, and i am beginning to drown nothing saving me, my arms and legs feel numb, my mouth feels no longer there, like something is pulling my tortured soul into the darkness of my own mind, and yet something reaches for me, an arm, an arm so smooth, yet so hated, hated for making me, hated for abandoning me, hated for loving me hated for being alive.
and yet my mind tells me to pull this arm into the water with me so he too can see the demons i have, and yet this arm pulls me up, as i began to surface, i see the face of my own self, wanting to become something better yet all i want to do is pull myself down into the endless abyss of my own mind, making myself see my mistakes and all my demons, the demons i embrace yet reject so much, those demons, are the things i admire, they are so free yet so constricted inside of me.
While i am stuck, unable to move unable to be free, and i finally open my eyes to see the ceiling, only to begin thinking that nothing's gonna change my world, nothing goes bump in my night, nothing will make me hate myself. And yet i do, i hate myself for being this person, this person that uses people for his own gains, yet i am loved by many. all these thoughts race in my troubled mind as i awaken from my dream, and then i lay to rest.