Apple Man is a sexy, sexy man. He'll never get old. HAHA. He is old! But that wasn't the kind of old I was talking about, anyway. He is as fresh as clean laundry (?). He is the Justin Bieber of old men. If that made any sense. He's so fine, he's got senior citizens and teenagers fawning over him, men and women alike! He's notorious for his risque, over-the-shoulder pose. His smoldering eyes make your heart pound and your legs turn into jello. He's that sexy. Some of his followers try the weirdest things to get his attention, but he's cool about it. He doesn't go, "SECURITY!" when a crazed fan gets on all fours to get a closer his Speedo shorts. No, Apple Man is just that slick. He'd go, "Yeah, maaan. I got them from Costco." And he'll make Costco sound like Victoria's Secret. He's got a wide arrange of followers, some you might even know (Marilyn Monroe, the bird (LOLOLOL), Miku Hatsune, Chisami from Beauty Pop, etc.). Ash Ketchum works for him as a crew member, and works the spotlight.
Apple Man is part of the RHOM club. The Risque Hot Older Men's club. This club is for sexy forty-something year olds to hit on and pick up younger girls. Among those victims targets include my cousin Patty. Last year, she received an assortment of e-mails from them, and, as lucky as she was to even hear from them at all, Apple Man didn't contact her himself. He was too busy shopping for Speedos. The club's main objective is to make girls feel special. Patty had gotten an offer from one of the members of the club, James Chong SF. He noticed that she had to walk across the street to get her mail, so he asked her politely if she would like him to get it for her everyday. Unfortunately, she declined, and not in the most ladylike way either. :'( That was quite a shame. Patty really missed out; after too many rejections from her, they stopped stalking hitting on her altogether.
Apple Man says that he is glad to be a member of the club. He thinks that more men should join the club, and that "if more ladies were treated as kindly, the world would be a better place." Ah, words of wisdom from our pale-skinned idol.
Even with all the fame he has now, he has never gotten conceited and shunned any of his fans. Apple Man loves everyone who loves him, and likes when people have the courage to walk up to him and ask him where he gets his articles of clothing. Fashion, he says, is a must if you want to get big. Style is another matter. He prefers to keep things simple. For the most part, all he's got to do is fling on a shirt, strap on some suspenders, throw on his hat, snap on his Speedos, and he's out the door, ready to make the crowd grow wild. :D
There is one wildly-asked question from a lot of people who first see him...
"What does 'Apple Man is teh smex' mean?"
Oh, honey, you're overthinking things! I really hate when people ask me this though. -____- It's like an inside joke. So you're not really supposed to get it. But people ask me anyway! So, to clear things up, the girl in the crowd is really saying, "Apple Man is the sex!" which means "Apple Man is so sexy!" But, instead, she went, "Apple Man is teh smex!" to change this up a litte. Okay? Jeez, you guys.
Anyway, I guess that's my small introduction to Apple Man. Have I brought out the fan in you yet?! :D LOLOL I make him sound really bad. Sorry, but people think he's a creep anyway. I wasn't the one who said it, though. - w -
Post a comment to this entry. Tell me if you think he's hot or not. [:
