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through-out my life many things have been broken...
lately i have been thinking about it all...
which caused me to realize something...
alot of things that got broken were his processions and what he left behind in people...
first it started when he died...was destoried himself...
breaking the heart of my mother...loosing her love...
causing her to start to fade...each year fade more...
became a different woman then the one he had fallen in love with...
i never got to know her as what she was before his death...
his death broke his daughters hearts...loosing a father...
an important figure in their lives...
broke the heart of a baby...who grew up to wonder what the word "father" means...
sure i can define it...but i have no idea what the feeling of having a father is like...
caused all who knew him..their spirits broke...
their spirits all broke in different ways...
after his death..my grandmother gave us a dog, Tanner...
he was a great dog...
but in the end he to passed away...
for me i thought inside him was my father's spirit...
i lost two fathers...even bigger break in my heart...
acouple of years before Tanner's death...
our cat, Smokey..died...
my father bought him with my mother...
and he proposed to her by having the ring tied to Smokey...
another piece of him that disappeared from this earth...
as he had...
he created many things out of ceramics he painted them all beautifully...
more of his precious creations...are getting broken and destoried...
to look at them and see the cracks...see where glue it back together...
it hurts...to know what he made...what he put his heart and soul in...
just breaks...
he made things for every holiday...
recently i found out that my mother put the pool in after my father's death...
the money we got from his death...i forgot what she called it...
but she used that money to buy the pool...
for wanted something good to happen from something terrible...
but in the end that goodness itself got destoried...
something happened and the pool exploided...
huge whole in one side...
all the water emptied out into our basement...
destoring our childhood memories...
destoring more items that were my fathers...
why must everything that concerns him must be destoried...
i will never understand this...
why must life be one big bad luck...
oh yeah i forgot about something else...
long time ago it rained alot which caused our basement to flood...
it destoried this box of photos..
photos of the past my mother told me...photos of my father...
family events...
im sure i wasnt in any of them...
but would have loved to see his past...
but no...just im lucky like that...
i hope what little is left of his...that hasnt been destoried...
wont ever be...want to feel something...
i cant know what he was like...cant know many things...
but i can at least say my father made this...


writer's note:
ok so halloween is coming so decorated and notice all these things he created are broken...glued back together many times...but keeps re-breaking...and then the pool happened and find out about what it meant...the saddness it bought my mother...remembering the reason we got it...that the part of him that we were supposed to remember that would be happy is now destoried...everytime i look out there at the pool...just makes me sad...and disgusted...disgusted by all this bad luck...all these terrible events that keep happening...
p.s. i wrote this perfectly the first time...but then something happened and my computer deleted it all...so had to re-write it and it didnt come out the same at all....