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i cant stop looking at the past, so full of choices,
one here, two there, choices everywhere.
my heart aches, for what i could not try
because of my future so solid, was eched in stone,
that i, too week, too, scared, too unstable,
could not change, because that could
meen i could get hurt agein,but im hurting
now too, and i cant tell myself which pain is
greater, the pain of never knowing, never trying;
or the pain to lose something i hold
so dearly, something im so used to,
that without it could mean death for me,
to be without it. i do not know pain,
but i'd like to think i do, but then agein dosent anyone?
my pain is all in my head, im hurting myself, and by doing so, others.
i tell myself thats okay, because i have a roof over my head,
a meal on my plate, and my own bed.
i tell myself, i have it easy,
so why do i hve to think things up for me to hurt about?
is it because i wish to become strong?
to feel, something in the eyes of another?
who knows?
its some thing i'd like to think i cant control,
yet its a swich of my mind to tell myself im fine... but am i?
i'd like to tell myself i am, its a simple thought,
but is it a lie? i dont know, i cant tell.
lies are easy when its for someone elts,
but a lie to yourself is the hardest to unravle.
and the lies to myself have become knoted beond repare.
i dont know whats a lie, and whats truth anymore...
some one save me, from what i've become.