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I really dont like myself.

I don't understand how guys at my school tell me I'm pretty
and girls says "you're adorable". I just ignore that whole fact.
I hate attention. I was raised wrong and for me when someone compliments me I dont really know what to say. I just dont like it. and don't see what they see in me. I'm just a girl.

I am so super self conscious and one of my really good friends one
day said that" Im too good to be sad, too smart to not say something and a bit stipid at the decisions I have made thus far with some "people".

I don't know what she is talking about. She says I "can always do better with my decisions and I can always have everything I've ever wanted."

She also says that I'm the type of girl to get anything she ever wanted in life and no one can stop me. Pointing out that my emotions are the ugliest part of me and people will take advantage of that just to have me. She says its my weaknesses that will put myself in situations where ppl will either take full control of it and not to emphaze the real me. To put me down so they can own apart of me.

Sometimes when Im sad her words are to eat me alive. She makes me doubt of things. She makes me cry. She doesnt believe in where I am right now.

All I want now is my boyfriend. He can always help me out when I'm at the lowest of the low. With him, everything is all right. I'm able to laugh and see everything in both our views. There is no worries. It's just me and him. And I can be myself. When he tells me that I'm the most beautiful girl he has ever seen, I believe him. When he tells me what I did something wrong, I believe him. I have such a strong connection towards him compared to anyone else in the world. Sometimes, when we are walking together I just want to prove my friend wrong, because I am having the time of my life with Dennis by my side, forever and always.
He's the only guy that I will always think of. He is my true love and I realized it the first time I saw him freshmen year. This intuition kicked in and at 14 years old this intuition made me know his name. It will be the next year that we talked to each other and then another year that we started dating, but I kept questioning if this was my intuition. When I told him that I will be his girlfriend I knew that I have done something that will change my and his life forever.

My intuition never fails me. ever. And thats when Im sad I know that I must be because its telling me something true. I am just going to have to battle it out with my roommates parents because I love Dennis to much for them to talk about him. I don't want them to hurt him. I rather absorb every little insult so they he wont be offended even if I ignore them. It still kinda hurts. I dont want anything to ever happen to him. I rather hurt myself in the process. I rather die to save his life. I love him so much....that sometimes he doesn't understand why I am trully sad. and why I dont open up all the way. But its okay. its ok. its ok. its ok. I know that he someday will know the love I have for him and what I did so far. I think he does somehow. Its just very hard to be me. In school, individual adult, bills, responsibility and always trying hard for our love. I love him. I don't think I ever loved my ex's like I love him.

Dennis is my everything. I dont think he can be able to accept this notion.
Its very powerful.

My life is hard and I dont deserve many things in life. But I will always work to get the things I want. People might question why I am dating him, but my answer is that I will always love him, and be with him and he is the most amazing guy out there. You shallow people don't know of his intelligence and how I am so attractive to him. They will never know how much I love him.

-Houa