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Upset
confused It's starting again. I'm upset. I know it's summer, and I always get depressed in the summer, but now it's starting to bother me. Brett's been sweet... to me. But things like today worry me. Today started off as a really fun day. My family and I went to this thing called the Mess Fest where we played with paint, mud, and other messy thin gs in order to make artsy things. We all got free tee shirts and it was petty much a bunch of my family, friends, and I running around having a war in which we splattered paint on each other. My tee shirt was totaled, but it looks really cool and I decided that I'll never wash it so that I can keep it like that forever. All in all, the first part of my day was really fun. However, Brett and I decided to go to the movies afterwards to see Cars 2. What was going to be a date for just Brett and me ended up as Brett, my little brother Billy, Billy's friend Zach, and me. I knew Brett didn't like little kids, but since Billy is and his friend is 10, I didn't think it would be a problem. However, I was wrong. Brett seemed annoyed at them talking so loud when we were on the way, so I turned on my Blue October CD since their music calms me down, but he seemed annoyed at the music too, so I turned it off. He said he was upset because he hates being late though, so I brushed it off as him just not wanting to be late. But then, he shushed Billy and Zach multiple times throughout the previews, so I finally told them to be quiet or "I was gonna beat them up" in joking way because with kids, if you joke with them, they're generally more responsive than if you're harsh. It worked and they were quiet. The movie went great, it was a really good movie. But then we wanted to go get ice cream. I wanted to go to this really good Ice Cream place downtown and Zach and Brett wanted to go as well. However, Billy started pitching a fit because he wanted Dairy Queen. Billy is the youngest and our family generally revolves around what he wants so I just said okay and that we would go there to avoid conflict. We pulled up to the window and Billy rolled down the window, again, because he's a brat and gets his way all of the time. Brett got angry and told him to "Shut the damn window" with the order taking person and everything. He then angrily rolled up all of the windows and locked them. We were checking the bags to make sure we got everything, but then they forgot Brett's order. I told him we could go in and get it, but Brett said to forget it and seemed really angry. I'm used to people being angry and mean, since Josh was always so mean to me when something went wrong, so I started being my usual scared, submissive self. I didn't want to eat my ice cream and I kept offering some of mine to Brett, to which he grumpily responded that he was "Fine". When we finally got to my house again, Billy and Zach went inside and I apologized to Brett for ruining his night, since I was the one who offered to bring the little kids, and he was his normal, sweet self again. I even tried to give him the receipt for the ice cream so that he could go get it, but he refused. Then we hugged and said goodnight. I came in and told my mom a little of what happened and then he boys told her that he got mad and cussed and now mom's saying that she doesn't like him anymore. Plus, I'm so baby oriented that I don't really know if I can stay with a guy with a bad temper and who doesn't like kids. I know I promised myself that I wouldn't try and get too serious with another guy, but I really like Brett and honestly, I think we could make it as a couple if both of us try to maintain our relationship after high school. But I know I can't be with a guy who doesn't love kids as much as I do. I am borrowing trouble, as my dear "friend" Eliza Mackay from my favorite book series would say, but I find my self at a place where I am scared that Brett ay be a little too much like Josh. And we all know how THAT turned out. Maybe I'm just being scared and paranoid, who knows, but I really need someone to be here and comfort me through this. And I hope Andrea read this. Just saying. stare She is my usual confidant and I love her.
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