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erotic, not exotic... fruits are exotic
...
stare I donno if you know how much they annoye me, to have someone screaming at you for no reason at all, or for some reason, but yelling doesnt do them any good if they want me to listen.... or do I need to be shouted at from time to time? screaming into my ears 'how dare you' 'how could you' 'why' and such things, because I know why, but some things arent ment to be said because others dont want to hear them, not trully, just out of curiosity, but as the words are out, they wish they hadnt heard them, or they will look at me like a twisted lil thing that lies to everyone with a smile so bright it could brighten up a lil room, but havent lied, not even half truths and whole lies... only bits of truth, as much as I wish to share, as much as Im ready to share... you dont know what will happen til they have, you can imagion a conclusion but never know for sure if it is what you saw in your mind, like a single beat of a butterflies wings that can cause a storm elsewhere, you might never know how lil things can make dramatic changes. You sometimes say things, because you want to hear them, say things you hope will happen, say things that others want to know, even if they arent true, say things that never were, and probibly never will be, we say things because we cant just sit silent, others wont let us, or we will just fade away, forgoten, ignored, cast aside, to never answer a question might seem insulting, but what can you say when you dont have a answer? anything.. you might say anything, because nomatter how hard you try, time wont slow down, it is always the fast moving, never stopping current of ages, years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds and even smaller parts than that.... and when you feel things, emotions, it sometimes tends to slow time or make it seem faster, but only in your mind.

Things happen, and they may pass so fast you cant even consider to soften the edges, to make them not so hars to others and yourself, things said and done, you might regret, want to rephrase, reconsider, and think more about. But it cant be done. I tend to give others a quick answer, long oes sometimes when I can get my fingers around it, but most often just short answers, then sit on my words for the few days that pass, and finding the perfect answer, a answer that will even answer questions that might grow from the first one, to be sure about things, when I dont even know what to say, because I havent thought about it before, will make me do that, but when the answer is finally in my mind, I hope for that the question would be asked again, so I might answer it proberly.

for example. this might have been a lil question thought about, a questinon that I asked myself.

Conclusion, I dont like screamers, people yelling at me. I have a hard time handling it, you might get different reactions when you shout at me in anger or other reasons, but they always consist of the same thing, a quick reactions in fear and surprise, quickly to turn into desparet tears whitch are hard to controle no matter how hard you try, in a angry look and annoyanse where you might consider to leave me alone for a short time if you would wish to talk to me about those matters again without me doing something you might not enjoy, or even words shouted at me at the most perfect moment and situation that you might not get the change to do it again (or might not dare to try to yell at me ever again)...
how do I know? because it has happened often, but I have always kept myself close, not stepping over the line, a line that I have laid down to keep the sweet lil kind me on a short leash. Im tired of always looking around at lines that I have made, lines that look like a cage around myself, preventing me to make harsh desitions that cant be drawn back... let them happen, loosen up a lil, be yourself I say to myself, enough changes have gone around you, changes enough to allow yourself a lil difference in behavier. But these changes.. if they might happen, if there is anything to change. When I think about it, then nothing would change exept a lil broken mask, the thin line between me behaving 'nicely' or 'nasty' (witch has always just been a lil place in my mind), a line that is fading, always has been, its like where ones was a net, now only lies a single string, waiting to snap, mixing things. I have seen the signs, doubt was the first thing... so many around me that I know have gone through having a good and bad side, sides that always stand at odds at each other, but always having a clear line between... if the line would brake, it would usually become a twisted unrelieble confusiong mix, I might belive I already am confusing.. and maybe twisted in mind, but relieble... Im not sure... o.O... let me think about it *smirks*






User Comments: [3] [add]
Trygon
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Thu Dec 02, 2004 @ 09:49pm
I remember existing for the happiness of others, Steph. I can tell you now that I am much happier for deciding that I deserve happiness, too. Living on impulse is chaotic, insane, fairly frequently cruel, and the most wonderful state of mind I've yet felt.

Chaos begat change begat the death of stagnation and a life full of sensation.

Mm. There's a touch of poetry to that impulsive thought I just laid down. Odd how chaos can chaoticlly manifest in ordered form.

Live for yourself first, because those that are your truest friends want you to be happy anyway. You'll make them, and yourself happy in the same simple act.


commentCommented on: Fri Dec 03, 2004 @ 11:35am
You always seem to understand my words compleatly rolleyes atleast I know there is someone out there that does.
Your comments always show that, whitch is why I sometimes tend to wait for a comment from you, however short it might be whee *smiles*



Dark stardragon
Community Member
Trygon
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Tue Dec 07, 2004 @ 10:35am
*laughs* The others will understand you too, at least for the most part. *smile*


User Comments: [3] [add]
 
 
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