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sometimes i feel like i just want to get lost.
the strange thing is that i hate the feeling of not knowing where i am and where i should be going. at every moment in my life i have hada a purpose and a direction i should be going in...
but over and over again i get hope so much hope that i can finally share my life with someone special. after all the sweet talk, all the time, and all the effort, i always come out empty handed.

sometimes its the fact that people cant move on from their exs, sometimes its the fact that they only see me as a friend, sometimes its that they want to focus on other girls for the time being. but whatever the cause may be, i always ALWAYS end up alone.

and if you know me at all, you know that is the thing i hate the most feeling alone.

i just dont get it...i have the boobs, the butt, the brains, the colorful personality, why the hell dont boys like me?! is it because im chubby? is it because im not pretty? is it because im indian? short?
i thought everything i am should be good enough for someone to gain that eternal happiness.

all my life i have been told: shobha you are the perfect daughter, shobha you would be the perfect wife, shobha you would be the perfect mother...so much so that my friends want to give their children to me...

I JUST DONT ******** GET IT!!!

so please god, let me get lost from this despair, please let me thrive because as the days go by, i can slowly see myself dying...