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I must be pretty low and pathetic. It's been a year. And I still find myself missing you sometimes. But missing someone isn't always a good thing lol. You miss the memories but you don't actually miss the person. I think. People change with time. Time changes everyone. You're probably not the same person anymore, nor am I.


March 14, 2012. Valentines I think. Yeah that was it. That was your birthday as well. Surprised I still remembered it. That was when..I asked you..Sometimes I wonder to myself how you're doing. And how is that far away place that you call home. I'm such a good stalker lol. I can probably contact you and message you and slip right back into your life right now if I wanted to. But what would be the point of that? Was tempted to do that when it was your birthday. But luckily I stopped myself from doing something so selfish.


Young. You and that guy probably won't work out. But who knows. Sometimes dreams and wishes come true. And the first one Can be the Last one. I'll go with the odds though. It'll probably not work out. Haha. Its funny how naive we are when we are young. You think stuff will go on forever. You don't realize how long time actually is. I knew somebody who had the same thing. And they seemed like the cutest sweetest couple ever. But then they broke up and it stopped. It was a long time ago though, and it would seem really...Out of the blue if I had contacted that person. So I'm going with the same result for you and that guy.


That's so mean though. Ugh. They say you should never tell anyone that you love them. Because you don't know what "Love" is, 'child'. You don't love them, you love the idea of them. I've figured that out multiple times before already. Actually helped stop the pain from the previous one. When I realized I never loved her. I loved the idea of her. I loved the idea that she said she would be with me forever. That we would have kids. That we would do all of these things that we always talked about. The Lust, the need, and the want we would do to each other. But you can do that with any person.


I'm never using that word so recklessly again. I found that out kinda harshly. Now I know why some couples; er..Ex couples..Get so upset when they see their ex with another person. Especially when its only a week. And they are telling that person that they love them. So your telling that person that you love them and you two have only been together for a week...What does that make me? When we've been together for a much longer time? You question yourself. Or her. Did she ever really love me? What exactly IS love now that she's saying that to another person so soon?


And thats when you realized you never loved that person. You loved the idea of that person. YOUR idea of that person. The idea of her. Whatever it may be in your head that she will become. She won't. She is her own person. And things will not happen to your standards. Because how can you? When you have no control of her. You must let her do her own thing. It's like a script. You tell a girl that she's cute and you expect her to say Thank You. But what if she says ******** Off? Things don't always go your way, and according to plan.


You just love the idea of her. Not her, herself. You don't love her, as Her own person. And that makes you look SO SELFISH. LoL. Love is harder to find after all. If Love was that easy nobody would be having trouble looking for it. *Deep sigh* But knowing that made the pain of getting over the last one much easier. A lot easier. I don't know what I'm trying to say here...Even I can't figure this out myself. I guess it means that you should stop trying to find it. And let it Find You. But I'm a guy. You don't wait; you make things happen. You don't have Luck you make your own Luck. God. This is so confusing. Like I said earlier..Even I can't figure this out Hahaha. Such a fail.


I guess we'll just have to see what happens. This will probably be my last and only journal entry now. Or for the year of 2014. I'll miss ya. Thanks for reading. Wish you the best of luck and smiles everywhere person. smile See ya.