Well, there is, in fact an answer to both of those questions! And, like it or not, I'm going to tell you that answer!
For those unaware of the basic facts: Hiei is a character from my Yu Yu Hakusho
(AKA, DBZ if it knew when to quit)
Yu Yu Hakusho also happens to be my all-time favorite anime.
Now, there are two characters on this show that I've always felt were severely underrated.
The first is Kuwabara, the orange-haired fellow on the top there.
(Mighty defender of kittens)
I can ramble for hours as to why Kuwabara is underrated. For now, in a nutshell: Kuwabara's personality is usually diminished to fumbles and dumb blonde jokes (or dumb ginger jokes, in this case), when there is SO MUCH MORE to him than that. Among other things, he's probably the second most powerful psychic in the world (after Yusuke is *spoilered* to *spoiler* a *spoiler* in season 4). But instead of being given the credit he deeply deserved, he's usually watered down in fanfics, RPs, and other forms of fan media.
For now, though, we're going to ignore Kuwabara.
(Sorry, bro)
And move onto Hiei.
("What does that fangirl think she's doing?" wink
Much like Kuwabara, Hiei has a problem with people watering down his personality.
Unlike Kuwabara, however, the people who water down his personality usually have the best of intentions.
(Hiei has never looked like this)
There is, in fact, a specific reason why Hiei interests me in particular.
I'm a theater person. In college, I took a class that focused entirely around how to tackle Shakespearian acting, which as you can imagine, is entirely different from contemporary acting.
(Among these differences is the constant d**k jokes, but that's an entry for another journal)
One of the things that separates Shakespeare from other playwrights is his use of antithesis.
Contrary to common definitions, antithesis has more to do with a play than just the writing. Especially in Shakespeare's works, characters have a constant duality going on inside them. Literally every Shakespeare character has this.
Romeo hates the Capulets, but loves Juliet.
Hamlet wants to avenge his father, but is too frightened to do so.
Macbeth wants to be king, but feels guilty for his crimes.
Then there's Hiei...
("Oh, you're talking about me again." wink
Who has about the strongest antithesis in any anime character I've ever seen.
If you've read my profile, you know Hiei's backstory. He was abandoned as a baby, and raised by bandits. You'd think, normally, this would make for a very mary-sue, emo-stereotype character.
But, HAHA, NO! You are wrong!
(Baby Hiei laughs at you!)
Hiei is cold and ruthless. He has no qualms about breaking the law and little-to-no regard for life. He's pretty much exactly the type of a*****e you'd expect to come out of an environment like that.
(Complete with the kind of muscles you only get in jail)
In fact, probably the best part of Hiei is not the fact that he's a jerk, but the fact that he gets in trouble for being a jerk.
He is introduced shortly after he steals an ancient artifact and is on the run from the law. The main character, Yusuke, has to track him down and arrest him. This alone completely sets him apart from the average mary-sue, who is usually that annoying character that everyone else in the show loves for no apparent reason.
In fact, there are other characters who loathe him throughout the show. Characters who still don't seem to trust him even after he does quite a lot to redeem himself.
(There's an irony here somewhere)
Not that he actually gives a s**t about their opinion. Hiei doesn't care about anyone, right?
WRONG AGAIN!
("Is it my turn to have a picture yet?" wink
The antithesis in Hiei is very subtle, but it's there if you have an eye for it. Pictured above is Yukina, Hiei's sister.
Yukina is possibly the only living family that Hiei has left. Unfortunately, she's also the only living person who doesn't know that she's related to Hiei.
Yukina is extremely naive, very innocent, and one of the few demon characters on the show who doesn't know how to fight. It's natural, given her beauty and the rarity of her race, that other characters would feel the need to protect her. Hiei, however, takes it to another level.
His exact words on this subject are:
"I am a rogue and a convicted criminal. Even you have had to come and capture me... do you think she'd be happy to know that her long-lost brother is a felon? It's best to watch her from a distance."
Which is interesting for a few reasons which I am going to list right now.
(And you're gonna sit there and like it!)
NUMBER ONE:
You'd think that, since he was abandoned at such a young age, Hiei would loathe every member of his family. However, his feelings towards his sister reveal that this is far from the case.
Supporting this idea even more, it's eventually revealed that he's spent most of his off-camera time searching for his "tear gem necklace", which is the only remnant he has of his mother.
("MINE!" wink
So, if he hates his family so much, why did the necklace mean that much to him? It's not the monetary value, the man broke into one of the most well-guarded safes in the three worlds just to steal a sword. He could rob a bank blind before they knew he was there.
Hell, if he hates his family so much, why did he bother to seek out the country where he was born? That was how he found out that he had a sister in the first place. Couldn't he have just moved on with his life? There was nothing dictating that he had to go back, looking for his family.
("You're just going to reveal all my secrets today, aren't you?" wink
As you probably know if you watched the show, Hiei's mother didn't abandon him willingly. She was forced to do so, and regretted it so much later that she passed away. Hiei has very clear memories of the day he was abandoned (strong memories are a common occurrence for demons in YYH universe) and he clearly remembers her begging the other demons to give him back.
("Put me down." wink
Hiei knew that his mother loved him. He knew that she would welcome him with open arms if he returned. Unfortunately, she couldn't do so. Which is why he did the next best thing and sought out his sister.
(Haha, you're an orphan! Oh, wait, that's actually kind of sad)
OKAY, that section was really long, but moving on...
NUMBER TWO:
(Are you sick of me yet?)
The quote featured above indicates a vast amount of self-loathing on Hiei's part. I mean, sheesh, man, after everything you've been through, don't you think you deserve to know your own sister?
She wants to know you, you want to know her, what's the issue? Do you actually hate yourself that much?
Oh, wait, you do?
Oh...
("Thanks, you b*****d. Now I'm gonna go sit in a corner for a while." wink
As Hiei's backstory is revealed, we slowly start to understand more about his character. He has put himself through massive amounts of self-mutilation, he has gone through serious bouts of mania, he picks fights for no reason other than there were people there and he can.
He acts exactly like you'd expect a seriously troubled child to act.
(I wouldn't be surprised if he wound up an addict)
In fact, midway through season four, he basically becomes suicidal. He tells another character, straight-up, that he no longer has a reason for living.
If you think this seems dark, you're right! It's very dark! But what do you expect? That he's going to shrug off everything he's done and everything that's happened to him and move on with his life?
("Well, I AM pretty awesome." wink
While many-a fanfic would have you believe this, the simple answer is no. And who would? Nobody, that's who. You don't just shrug off years of abuse and serious abandonment issues, even if you manage to move on with your life.
NUMBER THREE
(This is the last one, I promise)
Arising from Hiei's self-loathing is something even more fascinating: a sense of determination.
I'm okay with anime characters having powers popping out of nowhere. No, really, I am. That's part of the joy of anime. But the best part of Hiei is that his powers didn't pop out of nowhere.
("They popped out of BADASSERY!" wink
Hiei's self-loathing results in a constant need to prove himself to himself. This is evidenced in everything from his backstory (when he picks fights with anyone who crosses his path), to his moments in the show (when he doesn't stop fighting until he collapses), to the moments when his determination winds up being his downfall.
("s**t." wink
In fact, so strong is his determination that it comes off as arrogance. Which is ironic, because we know now that I've lectured you on it that he's actually incredibly depressed.
(Also adorable.)
Therein lies Hiei's antithesis: He is determined, yet sad. Arrogant, yet self-loathing. He wants to protect his sister, yet he doesn't want her to know about it.
Hiei is such an interesting, complex character that it usually results in him being portrayed as one of two extremes. He's either a complete a*****e with no regard for human life, or he had a miraculous off-camera epiphany and now cares deeply for everything around him.
("Curse these emotions for making me look like an actual person." wink
Not that I'm necessarily knocking the people who do this. I get it: Hiei is a ridiculously hard character to play.
However, that difficulty in playing him is exactly why I enjoy playing him. It's what makes him my favorite character.
Honestly, even if I had a hundred years to practice, I don't think I could portray Hiei perfectly. And even if I did, the biggest thing I love about roleplay and writing is character development! What good is playing Hiei if I can't find a way to reveal all these cool things about his character?
So, to answer the larger question: Why am I playing Hiei? It's because I freaking love Hiei.
("Can I go home now?" wink
Hiei is awesome.