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So for anyone who truly knows me, they know that I get "Angsty" from time to time because of a chemical imbalance that I refuse to take medication for. Well that's kicking in hardcore right now because I'm wanting in so many things and everything feels like it's crushing me.

Thinking about my day with Brittany on Saturday is making me happy right now, but three days feels like forever because of everything else that's happening. My saxophone jury is tomorrow and my scales are finally decent, but my etudes are still so-so. I'm sure I'll pass as is, but it's just not good enough for me. It kills me that I practice and practice and it feels like I get nowhere. My saxophone quartet's jury is Saturday morning before my Aural Training exam and my day with Brittany and that's shaping up all right. I seriously had to crack down because we hadn't gotten as many rehearsals and people just plain sucked. I have my Functional Keyboarding exam on Friday morning after my Sight Singing exam...My Sight Singing...If I don't get at least a B on the exam, I fail for the semester.

Whatever is out there...Just let me pass...

Apparently the PLUS loan from my parents wasn't renewed this year, so the school says I owe them about $3,000 for tuition. That on top of my classes and sitting here stressing over not being able to pass this final Music Theory quiz-out...I just want someone to hold me and right now that person is Brittany. The only problem is that who knows if we'll hit it off in person like we do on the phone and online.

So much stress...So many wants and desires...So little energy left...

I guess there is a bright spot though. I wanted something to do today while I stressed to make me happy, so I bought a pair of shoes to go with the outfit I'm wearing on our date Saturday. Thinking about Saturday is helping alot and hopefully everything goes as I hope. I also bought some records from the Music Library today of Prokofiev, Bach, Mahler and Barber. Now I just need a record player...