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I finally retired my car till I can sell it. I keep having massive panic attacks whenever I have to drive it. I have asked for my friend to drive me for the time being. But I feel so unsteady concerning money right now. I have it but I am trying not to get cocky with what I have.

My crush has finally come to a close now that he has found a girlfriend. I found out through a second party and while I do not trust my source this is a good time to close that door and move on. I feel like taking a break on dating for a while. I have been talking to a guy but I'm pushing it. I feel drained concerning romance, like the person I should be with is never the one I can be with. I feel like the Lady Of Shalott, isolated and heartbroken.

But not so isolated. I started a tarot club and I am making friends, maybe I need to take a step back and build up a larger more stable support group before I date again. I just wonder why I am so hyper-focused on this. Companionship, sex, this can all be easily filled with other options. Do I really need a relationship right now especially when it feels like all interested parties merely wish to exploit me?

I am starting the process of finding another job and I even started writing my scripts for my youtube channel which I will start filming next week. I feel like if I can fill my time with projects I enjoy doing and make sure to stay on top of my responsibilities I won't feel lonely and feel like I desperately need a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Let them come to me in time.