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I can't help but feel particularly annoyed at silly gestures that mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. I try to look at it objectively and all I can see in it is groveling. I can't and won't be won by offerings to try and win back my favor.

But then again, how can I be won? Can I be won at all?

It occurs to me that I never thought of myself as the kind of person to hold grudges... but I absolutely do. Not so much that I refuse to let go of the action; people make mistakes because we're imperfect and that's fine. ******** me if I don't make mistakes. It's that I can't let go of the hurt I felt in the moment because emotional pain to me is worse than any sort of physical pain one can inflict upon me... within reason, of course. I've ******** my fair share of relationships; but my clear, objective conscience can't even convince my irrational mind that not everything is somehow my fault.

I'm tired of feeling like everything is my fault.

I want to forgive, but how can I when I have a hard time even forgiving myself?