Wow... what a hectic few days. Mmm, where to start?
Well, I guess I could start with saying that things have been busy and stressful for me in real life. I'm starting in a new department of the store I work in, and I like it, but it's still stressful; I have a lot to learn. Graduation is a mere two days away, that's stressful. Trying to get financial aid and college crap in is stressful. I've had little "me" time to just rest and relax.
And now, ontop of that I have issues to deal with online. My best friend has been wearing me thin on what I can handle as far as stress and emotion goes. We've been fighting a lot within the past week about sometimes trivial things. Me PMS'ing doesn't help, but still... they were bringing me on every up and down they were experiencing and lately it's been all down. Normally, I try to be there to give advice, consolance, and some optimism to help cheer them up, but they've been dragging me down to where they are, and holding me down... keeping me from standing back up to help them up.
They've become very depenant on me, which can be ok in moderation; that's what friends are for, to help you up when you fall. Except, they were clinging nonstop and making me fall with them, so I was unable to help them. I had no room to breathe. It was like being held down underwater. They told me they'd work on it, but at the same time were still holding me underwater, slowly drowning me. I needed a way out so I could reach the surface and breathe again.
So... I completely withdrew recently. I avoid them. In their eyes, they see me as "abandonning" them. And maybe I am, but what choice did I have? I have enough stress on me coming from my real life, and then their added stress and weight on my back; I was about to break in half. They have a dependancy problem, and they know this. That's certainly a start to helping them. They begged me not to "abandon" them, and at first... I wasn't going to. I planned to do it gradually, but I had had enough of the "emofits" and fights, so I left completely and entirely so I could unstress and give them a chance to stand on their own two feet without assistance.
I've been like a crutch to them. They have depended on me to help them walk, which can be fine in times of need... but they've needed me all the time. So, instead of prolonging the pain, I pull away, and in turn, causing them to fall. It stings a lot at first, I know. But, I'm hoping they'll eventually stand on their own two feet alone, and be able to be an independant person who doesn't need to depend on someone 24/7.
They have other friends to help them stand on their feet, and unfortunately, I won't be one of them. That would bring us back to square one, and I don't want that. I want this to be as quick and painless as possible, and although it hurts a lot now, I'm hoping both of us can look back on it and think, "That was a rough time, but we got through it, and we're both stronger people because of it."
I'm not sure when to begin contact with my friend again, for I fear if it's too soon all this would have been for naught. I'll just have to see how things work out, I guess, but at any rate... I need to keep looking to the future, and standing strong.
This summer is going to be one hell of a ride.
Yuki Moriko Community Member 
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