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Sunday sucked. I called Ryan and had wanted to ask him to get together with me - he wanted to just lay in bed and read all day. So, I went ahead and didn't really broach the subject. He was reading a manga, figured he'd be done in thirty minutes, he'd have his shower and be actually awake by 2 or 3pm. I gave him a call before supper, and we talked for a bit before my mom called me to dinner. I told him to call me in a bit so we could maybe get together. Dinner comes and goes and about an hour and a half passes. Still no call. Gave him a call and before I could really mention us going out, he asked if I had Monday or Tuesday off, I said no, the next was Thursday. He said he was going to a friend's house for an hour, maybe we'd see each afterwards. So a while comes and goes, and he eventually gets online. After buffing Tanya and I on KotL we talk for a bit, I eventually go on quiet mode and more or less ignore him. Tanya even got annoyed with him. o.o At 9pm, knowing I had to be up at 4:30am he suggested getting together. stare

I reminded him it was 9 and I had to be up the next morning. A bit of time passes and finally I suggest seeing Tokyo Drift which means I'd be home around 12:30am or 1am - but he had to take me to work on Monday. He agreed, and we went to the movies. It helped my sucky day turn better, and it ended well. Got home around 1, got to sleep closer to 1:30 and left for work at 6:30am. He had actually remembered to wake up when I called at 6:20 so I got to work on time and got to spend a bit of time with him. Monday had started out as a great day - I was happy nearly all day and even happier when my supervisor came down to tell me that a position I'd been holding out for just might be opening soon. Very soon. She wants me to keep my eye out and apply as soon as the sheet goes up.

And then I get in the car. I got a whole list of things my sister is better than me at. Shoot, the conversation got around to 4H and how Rachael used to get ticked off when I got compliments she didn't. Sure, it bothered me if she got excessive praise when I had failed at something, but I didn't go, "I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" over it - and I usually laughed at myself for my failures. I still do. I turn it into a goofy affair, so people laugh rather than try to console me for failure. My sister, however, took it to dangerous levels. I pointed that out and Mom snapped at me and said, "You know, your sister has improved a lot and you used to do the same thing! You have no right to say anything about that."

...

Yeah. I never tried to KILL my sister because she was better than me at something. Or because she was a different age than myself. I never wanted to make her suffer by destroying everything she cared about for no freaking reason except to do so! I strived to make MYSELF better with each failure. Not destroy my opponent so that I came out on top that way. But Mom doesn't see it that way.

Her list of things Rachael is better than me for:
Rachael is super skinny.
Rachael has her belly button pierced.
Rachael is mostly toned up she's so skinny.
Rachael gets her hair done.
Rachael is a supervisor in the produce section at Safeway.
Rachael can drive. [She has no permit or license, by the way, but hey - she drives]
Rachael is a certified EMT.
Rachael is going to college.
Rachael will be living in a dorm in August.
Rachael has expensive stuff.
I'm fat and lazy, Rachael isn't.

Here's my take on that:
Sure. She's skinny. And I congratulate her on slimming down after ballooning to roughly 200+ pounds. However, she's anorexic. Collar bones do not stick out at obvious angles and it is certainly not normal for her to drink several cups of coffee and eat one chicken strip a day. That is dangerous. By all accounts, she's been doing it for a year or so. The fact she has been to the ER a few occasions already due to her eating habits, is a sure fire sign that her weight loss is continuing and is being done dangerously. As to her being toned...its not "toned" it's more like...there's nothing there. She's got a flatish stomach, yes, but it is not toned or defined. Not yet, and I hope she achieves her dream of having it perfectly chiseled, because she'd like that. On her having her belly button pierced - that's cool, its not really me, but that's cool. If she's got a stomach she wants to flaunt and has a piercing on her belly button to accentuate that, I say go for it. My worry is - she's prone to severe infections from piercings. When she was younger, she would constantly get severe infections after having her ears pierced. To the point one time we could barely get the earrings out. She's allergic to most of the alloys in earrings, and I worry that it might get infected. After all, the first time she got her belly button pierced - it got infected and she had to quit wearing it. Rachael can get her hair done and have expensive things, because she doesn't pay rent, bills [except for her cell phone], and doesn't have to worry about aiding in the support of 3 people besides herself on a meager paycheck. I do. If I could afford it, I'd go get my hair straightened and cut. I've finally decided what style I think would suit me and would like to eventually get it done. But I can't afford it. *shrug* Family is more important than hair, anyway. ^^ I'm glad Rachael is a supervisor at Safeway, she deserves it - she's worked hard there. But she's a certified EMT. She's overqualified as a Safeway employee. She needs to get out of there and get to work as an EMT where she'd earn more money. Playing it safe isn't going to progress her where she wants to go and Rachael is too ambitiou to just rot away in Safeway. She should put that certification to good use - and she'd get more aid in paying for college. Which would be good - college is expensive and dorm life is even more so. So she could use all the money she can get. The only reason she can go to college and live in a dorm is because she doesn't have to worry about supporting other people - I do. I really resent the fact my Mom holds it against me I have yet to enroll at the University. She also had banned me from living in a dorm, and required I stay at home. She -also- refuses to permit me to drive with her until I take driver's ed. Impossible with my schedule. Rachael doesn't have a mom saying, "Well, I'd rather you do this." or "Well, I need another amount of money." or "Can you go pick up some groceries for me?" when you really can't afford it but you pretend you can anyway, to try not to let her down because all she does is make you feel like every day you're just some huge screw up let down of a daughter who doesn't deserve to even be alive. Oh yeah, and to Rachael driving. It's ILLEGAL folks. She has no permit and no license, but she cruises around anyway. That's a great thing to commend a girl on. -_-

To my being fat and lazy...I run around 8 hours a day pushing two heavy carts. I do tae bo and pilates, as well as attempt and fail meditation. I'm a size 10, close to a size 9, and losing weight through working out. I eat right and take a long walk nearly every day around North Pole after I've gotten off work. I help out around the house, though there really isn't much to do chore wise. Laundry [can't do it everyday, it's $4 a load], dishes [we have a dishwasher - load 'em up throughout the day, one cycle a day, wipe off the counters], trash [pretty much, you just grab the bag, toss it into the larger can outside, then take that down once a week], vacuuming [we've a robot that does that, it also sweeps], and the bathroom [we've a machine that does the shower, so pretty much it's wipe the counter, sink, and toilet, organize and mop. 10 minutes tops.] Bathroom gets done once to twice a week, vacuuming and sweeping are done daily via the Roomba robot. Dishes are done by the dishwasher and trash only has to be done every other day - not much to do chorewise. But I get eaten alive for NOT doing everything there is to do every day. Even though my Mom herself mopes about in her room or in the living room playing Bookworm nearly all day. Can we say "hypocrite"?

So. Now I have to decide what the hell to do with myself, and decide it quickly. AND at the same time figure out how to finish payin off my laptop and save up $400 for next month. *sigh*

Ah, well.

C'est la vie.

And so, I got home just a bit ago.

Mom was cool with me in the car. We got home, boys said I had "randomly called and asked them to do my laundry".

Incorrect. They wanted money from me, I said I'm not going to spoil them with money. They agree to do one thing for me, for $11 - in short, they had to do one load of laundry. Mom flipped out and after a long rant about how I'm inept at living, she took off with Adam.

Chris wanted something else, so I gave him $28, maybe $30. No questions, just gave it to him. That way, he shuts up and Mom is happy because they didn't do anything to earn the money.

I bought myself detergent and dryer sheets, because she said she didn't want me using hers. She rants about that and how I always have a knee jerk reaction to everything. And I'll never be caable of living on my own.

So, I am going away for the fourth and hoping I can find a way to get the hell out of her house as quickly as I can. Or, at least, minimize my encounters with her. I will no longer be eating dinner with her, or otherwise eating their food. Nor will I be using anything of hers. In return, I will be taking back all the towels and silverware, plates, and cups I've purchased that she has been using with abandon. If she has a problem with that, too bad. I'll simply cancel her phone. I pay for it, therefore, it is within my rights to do so. I think I will be cancelling my cell phone, as well - I have no real use for it and I only purchased it because she requested I do so.

*sigh*