5am, can't sleep or don't want to... feels kinda like a waste... but what else is there to do? I've played video games. I've watched all my movies. I've done art, writing, bionicles... I've done everything that was worth my time. Idk what's worth it anymore... dnd? Another bunch of hot pixels to throw money at? "Love"? Everything is moving so slowly, but it was basically a couple months ago I was celebrating Christmas with a friend on the other side of the states... What is being an adult? I'm just stumbling to try n keep up with this crappy world we live in... I get to be a leech till I die because I'm not "neurotypical" and I ain't gonna go be a 9-5 wage slave to some soulless corporate entity. And to add insult to injury, even if I did get a job, it wouldn't pay enough to live comfortably anyways. So it is best to live within my means, whatever tf that means... I live on scraps and hand me downs. I live on people's generosity. I live because the world has deemed me fit enough to make friends, but to keep them is hell. To keep them is way too much work. So I drift in and out of friendship with people. Those who stick around are worth my time, but why? Why are any of them worth my time? Why care at all? Especially if the goal is to end up in a hole someday anyway... Getting real close to 30 years old. Makes me think I'm lucky to have lived this long. I never would've thought I'd still be around to this day with all the bs from my past... but hey, I should be happy I made it this far right? Right? Everyone else has changed, moved on, and me... I'm still just here tryin to get a laugh out of people at my stupid jokes. I'm still just tryin to be everyone's little emotional support/friend. Why tho? Why's any of this matter? I guess it really doesn't... eh... I should touch some grass huh? If it weren't all dead from the 100 degree summer days... meh... What's sunlight again? That thing I imagined as a kid, when people would take me places and I had a family I thought cared... Yeah I guess after all this crap, all I want is to go back to those sunny days when my dad and I'd go to the river... the long drive under the many branches of trees on the winding road alongside the river... Nobody takes me anywhere anymore and I ain't got family that care. Anyways... whee... I'm not depressed. Totes. Gonna crawl into a hole for a while... T^T
 Kiina Silverfang · Sat Aug 19, 2023 @ 01:18pm · 0 Comments |
