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I had started writing this long-ish entry about... yeah, stuff, but this conversation with my friend seems to explain most of it. Of course, I seem alot more open and not-so-sad when I'm talking to him, but that's just because he's awesome. I love my Brolly. :3
Keelsy101: Kelsey's being emo and she doesn't know why sad
hikari the pure: Awww! *hugs*
Keelsy101: Thankiiieee. :] Agh it really sucks though. @.@ I was so hyper earlier, really happy, and now it's just like... dude... life sucks.
hikari the pure: Lol, know why?
Keelsy101: Well, I mean, I think I'm just exhausted from trying so hard to not be emo, if that makes any sense. :/ Whenever I've been getting sad lately, I keep telling myself I'm fine and that everything's going really good, but... I guess it takes more effort than it seems. Now I just can't keep it up anymore.
Keelsy101: ... That sounded uber emo. I'm sorry. I'm just gonna shut up. x.x
hikari the pure: That's actually not good for you.
Keelsy101: But, it has been going good, that's the thing. I mean, I know why I'm sad, and I know it's not good for me to shove it away, but that's what I've always done. It comes naturally, but now I don't know how to talk to people.
Keelsy101: You're probably the only person I've ever told that to. XD
hikari the pure: ^^; Just talk to people (I guess me?) It's how I relieve my sadness...
Keelsy101: But I can't. ><; It's hard to explain. I can never really explain how I feel, so I feel like, when people do understand what I'm saying, they don't really understand how I feel because I couldn't even properly explain how I feel. ><
hikari the pure: ^^ Does it help to say that I'm a partial empath?
Keelsy101: Ohh, yeah, you've mentioned that before I think. For some reason, it's a lot easier to talk to you though. Most people are all... judgemental... and for some reason, I normally get into an arguement when I try to vent, ><;. It's weird.
hikari the pure: ^^ Eh... That's what another of my friends... And my shrinks o_o; Said.
Keelsy101: I've been thinking about that... about getting... er... someone to talk to... or something. >> That was like, the first thing my parents said when they found out I was cutting. "We can go get you some help, if you want it." Which, of course, I didn't want it then, but now I'm running out of options and it's starting pile up...
hikari the pure: WHAT?!!?!! YOU'RE CUTTING! o_o;
hikari the pure: Ok, I want to kidnap you and hug you lots.
Keelsy101: x]; I can't believe you never found out about that. Alex had a cow. I was sure he told someone.
hikari the pure: Lol
Keelsy101: dani knows... Dunno about Brandon. But, yeah. I had thought I was done, but, recently it sort of just... made itself an option again... ><;;;;
hikari the pure: cry *sighs* Well, one solution is to have your parents remove all sharp objects.
Keelsy101: XD That would be very, very hard. Plus, most girls have sharp nails... which, I'm a girl, so. xP;
hikari the pure: ...Well, I would suggest trying to find someone to talk to. Parents?
Keelsy101: My friend got really mad at me when she told me she'd cut, and then we were working on this project and she asked me to hand her the scissors and I was all hesitant. [She wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the day. ><;;]
My parents... don't understand. I mean, I know that's a really cliche thing to say, but they don't. They only know one side of me. It's... they wouldn't work.
hikari the pure: Seriously, shrinksies are very nice...
But I must stress, see a COUNSELOR and not a PYSCHOLOGIST or a PSYCHIATRIST as they are like doctors and not as nice.
Keelsy101: like... what kind of counselor? >< i mean, i've honestly no clue where to look for this stuff...
hikari the pure: If you have them, search for "Child and Adolescent" Social Workers.
Keelsy101: Ah, okay.
Keelsy101: When I think too much about this kind of stuff, I get this weird feeling in my head and then I start to get dizzy. ><;; It's really weird.
hikari the pure: ^^ I sometimes do that.
[v later, randomly IMing him again..]
Keelsy101: It's almost like... yeah, I keep telling myself I'm fine, but it's like... I've gone so much longer before imploding, underwent so much more stuffing everything in a jar before it all gets to me. I feel like I don't have enough, yet, to complain about to be justified to be sad.
Keelsy101: Is that weird? ><;
hikari the pure: Not especially ^^
I have this habit of taking abuse and it just builds and builds up until I explode and lash out at someone.
Keelsy101: :nod: I did that. Luckily Brandon... forgets about things... x];;;
hikari the pure: Lol
Keelsy101: I totally flipped out on him. He was probably really confused...
Keelsy101: ><
hikari the pure: Oh my...
 [.Rikocette.Echoes.] · Sat Sep 30, 2006 @ 05:47am · 1 Comments |
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![[.Rikocette.Echoes.]](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/80/bf/13ab4e712bf80.png?t=1234586521_6.00_11 "[.Rikocette.Echoes.]")