This is proving so much more difficult that I could have ever imagined. I'm thinking of staying in New York. I wanted to start a modeling career after high school and I actually got a job offer from this really well known agency. I'm excited and yet I'm really torn up about everything. Everytime I see Sora-sama with Kisuke...he forgets about me. He ignores me and that's what hurts the worst. I had another dream about him...maybe Grams was right. She said that when you dream about someone they're thinking about you. I wonder if that's true...? I'm not so sure now...I know that I have a serious decision to make. To go to New York and come back to all of this hurt and pain...or to go to New York and stay. It'll be difficult...I'll have to try my hardest to forget about him...and I honestly don't think I can. Maybe it's for the best. I have to forget about Kisuke but just the thought of it makes me want to throw up. I wonder...if he feels the same way...? I got my manuscript done...and I wrote a note for Kisuke for when I leave. I only hope Sora-sama doesn't find it. She won't. I'll give it to him myself. I think...I've come to a realization...I...these feelings are so much stronger than 'just having a crush'...I...I think...no. I know for a fact that I am in love with Kisuke.
~Izu
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