Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

These are songs about experiences that add to my confusion x.x

I Said I Forgive You; Do I Mean It?
“It began with the words “I love you” went to the words “I hate” now end with the words “I forgive you” The question remains do we mean it? (The guitar comes in medium and then the drums and finally along with the vocals comes the bass) I love you the words to start it off said to soon if you ask me. Cliché yet true hind sight is 20/20 cliché yet true. I see that now more then ever. Did you really mean I love you? (vocal pause and the drums get faster and the music and vocals heavier) You played me for a fool you played me for a whore but in the letters written between you and I. I said I forgive you. The question remains:

Was I sane enough to forgive thy demon? Was I sane enough to consent to speaking with thee again? Was I sane enough to be sincere when I said it’s all right? I said it’s all right when inside I’m dying inside I’m crying! I wish I could push you away but you, your memory pulls me back in.

You surprised me one day and told me your name. You asked for my number and I gladly gave (The music gets loud as do the vocals) Things got a moving and you started using my body was your toy but was it okay? A few months later you told me you were high and then you called me up drunk on the phone. (Was it all okay) I doubt we’ll ever know.

Was I sane enough to forgive thy demon? Was I sane enough to consent to speaking with thee again? Was I sane enough to be sincere when I said it’s all right? I said it’s all right when inside I’m dying inside I’m crying! I wish I could push you away but you, your memory pulls me back in.

You told me you loved me and I loved you. Love to me was a physical thing while emotionally I hurt you. Piling problem after problem on your all ready confused head was it all right? Was it okay with you? (I wronged you) I said I’m sorry a year or two later through letters we exchanged. Are these feelings real do you really forgive me? ( From you to me)

Was I sane enough to forgive you my runaway? Was I sane enough to consent to speaking with you again? Was I sane enough to be sincere when I said it’s all right? I said it’s all right when inside I’m dying inside I’m crying! I wish I could push you away but you, your eyes pull me back in.

You and I made our mistakes were we sane enough to see this coming? Are our words true? Do we mean what we say do we know what we need? I think not so now through letters between us we write our words, the words the other needs to hear but are they real enough? We’ll never know.

WE’LL NEVER KNOW!!!

Were we sane enough to forgive our demons? Were we sane enough to consent to speaking with each other again? Were we sane enough to be sincere when we said it’s all right? We said it’s all right when inside We’re dying inside We’re crying! We wish we could push eachother away but our, our memories pull us back in.

What Is what?
Show me up show me down shove me right shove me left. Show me where to go. That’s what she cried that’s why he lied. Where do I go who am I how do I live what do I say? That’s what she said and he lied yet again.. Who am I is what she wanted to know. She’d never learn until he left but how were they supposed to know. How were they supposed to know what would come, what would come next.

This is where it all stops no laughs no smiles only tears and only denial nothing more, nothing less. She’s the victim she’s the whore she’s a pawn in his game. He’s a demon he’s not there. Caused the damage leaving her to die. Leaving her to die leaving her to cry. Pretend like nothing happened and it’ll all (pause) (whispered) go away (sung pretend like nothing happened and it’ll all go away.
(verse 2) A few months later things escalated. He turned into someone she didn’t know. In crisis she was needing someone no one was there no one cared he pretended he did so to him she turned. Mistaken she was but too late now to turn back too late now, too late now.

This is where it all stops no laughs no smiles only tears and only denial nothing more, nothing less. She’s the victim she’s the whore she’s a pawn in his game. He’s a demon he’s not there. Caused the damage leaving her to die. Leaving her to die leaving her to cry. Pretend like nothing happened and it’ll all (pause) (whispered) go away (sung strong) pretend like nothing happened and it’ll all go away.

Here it comes his true face shown another tragic misleading on his part down. Harmed she is scared she is. An idiot she was she got what she deserved. She got what was coming to her. Reminded she was of how worthless, how useless she really is. Does he care? No he gets away while she is left to bear the burden for the rest of her days, alone.

This is where it all stops no laughs no smiles only tears and only denial nothing more, nothing less. She’s the victim she’s the whore she’s a pawn in his game. He’s a demon he’s not there. Caused the damage leaving her to die. Leaving her to die leaving her to cry. Pretend like nothing happened and it’ll all go away pretend like nothing happened and it’ll all go away.

A year or two later she is moved on. He returns to remind her of who she is who she was. He thinks sorry will make up for what he did. He thinks sorry is all she needs to hear. What a fool he was fool he is who is he to come running back to her? Who is he to think he can control her still? NO ONE!!!!

This is where it all stops no laughs no smiles only tears and only denial nothing more, nothing less. She’s the victim she’s the whore she’s a pawn in his game. He’s a demon he’s not there. Caused the damage leaving her to die. Leaving her to die leaving her to cry. Pretend like nothing happened and it’ll all go away pretend like nothing happened and it’ll all go away. He is nothing to her she is nothing to him so let it die and lets move on.

Once More…

I’ll smile one more time for you, I’ll laugh one more time as I do. Pretending to be something I’m, pretending to think that there’s something better, returning to my spot realizing there’s not. Realizing there’s nothing out there but you. What a lucky girl I must be, what a lucky break I got, the day that I met you, the day that I realized (word repeats)

So push me around beat me to the ground, I only bleed for you, I only cry for you. You know you like it you know it’s what you want. So I’ll keep pretending it doesn’t hurt when you push me down you beat me around treat me like dog I know I’ve become. Treat me like you want to, I’m nothing to you, how can I be I’m nothing to myself. Nothing to them, but a distant shadow of the girl that use to live inside this shell that’s become my body, (The girl who lives inside my shell that’s become mine own flesh, mine own soul, mine own heart)

They ask what’s wrong, how can I answer? What is the answer? My mind is so jumbled I don’t think I know anymore what the truth is, what they’re asking who I am what I’m doing in this so called promise land. This land of deceit this land of pain, this land of shame, so much for the sanctuary it was made out to be (Bullshit)

So push me around beat me to the ground, I only bleed for you, I only cry for you. You know you like it you know it’s what you want. So I’ll keep pretending it doesn’t hurt when you push me down you beat me around treat me like dog I know I’ve become. Treat me like you want to, I’m nothing to you, how can I be I’m nothing to myself. Nothing to them, but a distant shadow of the girl that use to live inside this shell that’s become my body, (The girl who lives inside my shell that’s become mine own flesh, mine own soul, mine own heart)

Don’t lie to me mine eyes are open, beat me please they scream to you, hit me please spite me all you want, I can take it break me in two I’ll come with another excuse don’t worry (you’re safe) don’t worry (I’m doomed) Don’t worry it’s all part of your plan, your plan.

So push me around beat me to the ground, I only bleed for you, I only cry for you. You know you like it you know it’s what you want. So I’ll keep pretending it doesn’t hurt when you push me down you beat me around treat me like dog I know I’ve become. Treat me like you want to, I’m nothing to you, how can I be I’m nothing to myself. Nothing to them, but a distant shadow of the girl that use to live inside this shell that’s become my body, (The girl who lives inside my shell that’s become mine own flesh, mine own soul, mine own heart)

Take my life and hold it in your hands. You take my throat and squeeze (squeeze harder, if you’re really a man) I guess you are so squeeze a little, squeeze the life out of me. Steal from me everything that was mine, press on me, I’ll bleed as you do, sweet and simple my death is to be (I wish) Take the breath from me (I can’t breath, thank you you’ve killed me)

So push me around beat me to the ground, I only bleed for you, I only cry for you. You know you like it you know it’s what you want. So I’ll keep pretending it doesn’t hurt when you push me down you beat me around treat me like dog I know I’ve become. Treat me like you want to, I’m nothing to you, how can I be I’m nothing to myself. Nothing to them, but a distant shadow of the girl that use to live inside this shell that’s become my body, (The girl who lives inside my shell that’s become mine own flesh, mine own soul, mine own heart) You’ve stolen my breath and now I can’t bleed thank you for killing me slowly (goodbye) (repeat until end)

Black and Blue…

I’ve been bruised black and blue in the heat of obsession. I’ve been bruised black and blue by the likes of you. Will this stop? Keep the same? Get worse? Go on and on and on, I don’t know

What I do know is the scars don’t lie, you do. What I do know if you can’t deny I’ve been bruised black and blue for the sake of feeling I’ve been bruised black and blue by the likes of you.

I’ve been cursed with these feelings I can’t explain so maybe that’s why I push you so far maybe that’s why I let you bruise me black and blue for the sake of obsession.

Now I need this to end, I know it prolly’ won’t but I need this to stop for the sake of my sanity, I need this to stop for the sake of the kids down the hall and to the right, they know what’s going on.

I should have taken a stand a year or two ago but I was blind, so very blind I pray it’s not to late to say my goodbyes to you, you, to say my goodbyes to you.

My bruises will heal my scars will fade you’ll be nothing more then a memory, I pray for their sake as well as mine you back away and leave me alone this time.

I’ve been bruised black and blue in the heat of passion I’ve been bruised black and blue by the likes of you. I want this to end for the sake of your lover, I know she knows what’s going on.

I’ve been bruised black and blue my scares are prominent I’ve been bruised black and blue by the likes of you, so this night I’m taking my bags, I’m now leaving the likes of you.

Cry My Eyes Out…
You make me cry my eyes out, you couldn’t give a damn. You make me twist my hair and scream like it was the end of my days. You still couldn’t give a damn.

So why do I feel the need to bend over backwards to make you feel like you are needed, to make you feel like you are wanted. You make me cry a river.

You don’t really give a damn at all. So why is it that I care so much about you when you make me cry my eyes out, you make me scream and scream in pain?

You make me run on eggshells to feel the pain outside that is embedded in my very soul, that makes my feet feel less like they are numb.

You make me cry in anguish as I burn my fingertips on the glass heated by your twisted gnarled words of falsities that pierce through your un-bridled fake soul.

You make me scream my lungs out in my vein attempt to gain some so desired, so needed god forsaken help from someone out there. Somewhere

You make me kick and punch the holes in my walls in an attempt to get your face out of my head, of course it doesn’t work not at all. No it doesn’t work at all.

I’m pushing you out your limits been reached do I always have to be the one that tries? You make me cry my eyes out so I’m saying goodbye, I don’t wanna deal with you anymore