Everything went wrong today..I missed getting to talk to my boyfriend by a few minutes and he can't be on soon and that caused a chain reaction spiraling me into more pain....I'm so lonely without him and him not being on made me go kindof emoish.not in the cutting term just crying a lot and wanting to die...on top of that I realized that my freind was not as much of a friend as I thought he was......and i now am left feeling uglyand betraye andabandoned and just all around lonely..I've always been like this mentally every since I was a little kid....I guess things don't get better with age. I'm even takign a phycology course to try to figure out what's wrong with me mentaly. I know this can't be normal but how to chane it I don't know becauseI've always been like this and I can't really help myself now can I? I'm a monster appreence wise and personailty wise. I'm so scared that things will just keep getting worse over time..i only live for the sake of one person and thy're not hardly gonna be on this week....I'm so depressed I haven't hurt this much in along time...guess i just had to be reminded of my formr mental anguish...juwt for one night at least....I doubt it will be but I hope tommrrow is better for me....it won't be too many people that don't know what it feels like to be reliant on someone for their happiness will make it hell for me and the thought of my friends betrayl wil loom over my hea for a while....
Ihave to say that anyone who has never been as insanly in lov as am is mising out on somehting because nmatter how many friends I lose over him it's always worth itwhenhe's on my heart skips with happiness. And to those tat think I'm crazy fr being this reliant on my lov you just don't know what true love is like....it's being completly relianyt on another person for you happiness....I think...might just be my deluded fantisies but..I'm in love and love isb;and so thus I ma blinded by his lov isee or hear nothing but him even if it means losing my friends nad my family and my socail life..might sound crazy but I don't care...i'm just scaredI'm falling back into myold ways agan and I'll just have to hide my emotins becauseno one but mlove seems to able to handle them....only he loves me enough to make me happy and not kick me when I'm down only he love me and thats why I'm so relient on him..he's my erveverything and when he's not on all I ma is a lonely sad emo blob awaiting her love to arive and make her a girl again.
baby I'm nothing without you never have been never will....you make me smile when you're on..and I will always love you no metter who or what I lose in the process that is true love.... heart i'm all yours sweetie..and forever will be.....
XOXOXOXOXOXO
jessi XD heart
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My Adventures In Wonderland
“When you're taught to love everyone, to love your enemies, then what value does that place on love?”
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"I am half sick of shadows."