I keep asking God why I‘m so emotionally screwed up. I’m sure He’s just having the time of his life up there, giggling gleefully at my expense for my inability to convey clear messages and feelings.
There are some people I know really well. I know just how I feel for them, like my mom and dad, my confidant, Alec, my dogs, Brittany, Kay, my brother and my sister; but then there are just so many people I tend to fall in true love with. I know its true love. No love can be fake love. It’d be an oxymoron if it were true.
I went with my dad to plow the driveway. I know that this isn’t really relevant to anything, but I just wanted to write it down because I didn’t want to forget it. It’s all dark outside ‘cus it is 9:30pm. Everything except the beam of light from the headlights and garage lights is unsee-able. The snow is falling, fluttering, almost, in front of the truck with the plow, and we just sit there, in that black, modified-slightly trunk, and go back and forth, back and forth. We push most of the newly fallen snow into their already building snow banks.
I don’t know why it is, its just one of those little things that I never want to forget. It felt so nice, just sitting there with my dad, plowing the driveway with him, even though I was really no help at all. It was really calming to all the agitated thoughts inside my head. Even when all I could think about was slamming my sharpest knife blade into my hand several times over, the plowing calmed me down. I don’t know why.
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Meep. A word which here means meep. Why, were you looking for some deeper meaning there?
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And yes.... enjoy time with your family while you can. Don't make the same mistake as me and ignore them until it's too late.
Once my friend told me that asking someone what's wrong is the dumbest question you can ask. If they're going to tell you what's wrong, they'll tell you; if they aren't going to tell you what's wrong, asking probably aint gonna change their mind.
I happen to agree with my friend, but I don't think I've ever been know to do the smart thing all the time, plus, us boyfriend-types tend to dislike being left in the dark.
I don't know if you're ever going to shed light on your life, and if you don't want to, that's your perrogative.
Either way, I still love you, and wish you the best as always...