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I've lost my mind, I think either that, or everyone else has
I don’t get a couple of things asked in our society today. I mean, seriously. What's the point of asking:
“Why are we here,” when we already know the answer? I mean, obviously, it’s the whole birds and bees thing again. Our mommies and daddies loved each other very much (either that, or they were drunk), and happened to do…it. Maybe not in a bed, maybe not in their room, but they did it, SOMPLACE, and got lucky, some way or another. THAT’S why you’re here. There’s no other reason for it. Its not like you were found under a rock or something.
Further more, what's with the question
“Why did the chicken cross the road” ? There could be thousands of reasons to cross the road, but still, they all lead to getting to the other side! That’s the best possible conclusion, duh! But obviously, if you don’t know why you’re saying “To get to the other side,” then you’re just stupid. And why is it the chicken crossing the road? Other things cross the road, too. What if the duck crossed the road? Or the rabbit, would it then be “Why did the rabbit cross the road,”? I don’t know.
And why IS the sky blue? I know it involves something with fractured light reflecting off both surfaces, and one part of the light that is actually the only one to be able to reflect off the two evenly or something like that, but really, what normal person can even understand all that jazz? Can you imagine how stupid kids can make their parents feel sometimes just by asking that question? I can only think of a conversation:
“Mommy, why is the sky blue?”
“Umm, well, dear, that’s just the way God made it.”
“Nuh uh! What's the real reason?”
The thing is, you really wanna answer it, but you just know that that kid is setting you up. He’s just trying to make you look stupid. You know it, and he knows it, and Frankly, I think he enjoys the sadism he’s currently spreading! Rotten little kids.
And what about pick up lines? I mean, really, “What's your sign?” What is that, a compatibility check up? Is the person asking it screening you for something, that he needs your birthday, your drivers license photo, and oh, your sign to complete some little calculation of his?
“What's your sign?”
“I don’t know, maybe it’s a “left turn only” sign, but I’ve never really checked.” And what kind of sign are they asking for, anyways? A road sign? A picket sign? What? Throw me a bone, here!
Another one that gets me all worked up is this:
“So…Where ya from?”
Where are you from. I don’t get why people wanna know. I really don’t. And if the person wanted to tell you, don’t you think they’d have gone and done it already? And why do you even need to ask? Most times, you can figure it out just by watching them drive. I live in Northern Wisconsin, and you ALWAYS know an Illinoian or a Yuper just by watching them drive. You can always tell, because Illinoians always miss their turns…SEVERAL TIMES IN A ROW, and Yupers drive just like us, except for the whole Michigan plate thing. And New Yorkers are always in a hurry. They’re always speeding, parking in the wrong place, speeding to the police station to pay their ticket, parking in the wrong place, speeding to another parking spot, hurrying into the police station to pay that new parking ticket, speeding away, I mean, Its like a high speed chase or something. They’re not being chased, but damn, you’d think the Devil was after them for how fast they drive. Either that or they’re chasing a doughnut truck.
That’s another thing I don’t get, though; Why does everyone seem to think that policemen are INFATUATED with doughnuts? I really just don’t know. I mean, for all the technological advances we’re making today, we just aren’t very smart. I really think there’s an unfair distribution of brains going around, like someone’s playing favorites up there. I hate that, I always feel like I’m getting the short end of the stick, the shallow end of the pool. Nothing much is up there for me. Just a couple of dust bunnies and dead flies. I used to have a garden gnome up there, but I don’t know if he still lives there. He used to hole a “Space for rent” sign up there. I dunno, though, I think he got lonely. Yeah, he got lonely and ran off with my little brain. I let it wander one time, my brain. It never came back. I don’t know what happened to it. I’ve been putting up wanted signs everywhere just looking for it. If you can’t tell already, its that little speck in the middle of all the posters. If you find it, please, I would like it back. I’m starting to drool without it, and as you can imagine, that gets a little messy. I think I might need a bib later on…
Thank You!
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