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http://www.gaiaonline.com/journal/?u=4111872 my old journal
FINALLY TOLD THE ********
as most of you know, i have an art class with a sexual interest >> ... if that makes sense, and all he's done is tell me "as a friend" that having sex will fix my being trans.... ********! so after something he said last week that.... as most of you know, put me in a horrible ******** mood for the rest of the week end... i finally sent him this just now



ANGRY ME
well he takes the trans thing seriously >.> and that's fine anyway you're not dating him, i am... sorta >.> ... i know how stupid an internet relationship sounds, but you were the best i could find in boise that i had any interest and HOPE in and you'll find below the reason that didn't work out 6_6

by the way, it ruined my weekend, i wish i woulda said something last week, and i was going to yell at you tomorrow, i might still because i am a push over and need to grow a ******** backbone so it was going to be good practice, but i know i'll chicken out ;-; cuz i always do =.=

i've been talking to a bunch of people about it, kristin especially >.>

i don't hate you.... i just... wish you'd stop.... it's not a joke.... it's not a "you can't laugh about this it's totally ********' serious thing" but it is serious in a sense that you can't wipe it aside.... and here's what i got out of ALL my conversations...

"this trans thing has been going on for three years and it's not something a good ******** is going to fix and you're full of yourself if you think you're the one to fix it."

the full of yourself part may be bit harsh but come on O.o that's kind of how you're sounding, whether you want to or not all i'm hearing is what i hear from every guy who wants to come off as generous in return for sex.... it's insulting to me, it hurts, it's frustrating... plus i never once said i'm getting rid of.... that >.> ... the boobs yes..... the other bit... no.... i can't even refer to it as my own anymore, and thanks to my silly friend joxy it is now "the sarlac pit" (btw he's a star wars nerd) XD

buuut that also doesn't mean it's up for grabs, IF it ever were it would be with someone i loved.... and i don't love you, the crush passed, now you're just a good friend. that may be a relief to you >.> i won't obsess over you XD


i'm serious though, i get so defensive the next time you say something like that i may say something which i might not entirely mean >.> but it'll sound mean and probably really retarded of me cuz i'm not used to saying mean things and therefore it'll sound like..... um >.> you ever see that "almost famous" movie? when the girl says "feck" to her mom cuz she's not used to saying ******** to her mom, perfect example, i'll just sound stupid but it might kinda feel good to scream at someone =.=

aaand plus it's something that i couldn't really do without crying and i haaaaate crying "for real" in front of people =.= ...

I RAMBLED sorry >.> ... dunno how sorry i feel right now... i am.... but i dont feel it... i know i am though >.> ~sigh~ just have to >.> feel around a bit for it... i'ma little more pissed than anything...... RAMBLING AGAIN >.< ....

OMG i am sooo saving this for therapy >w< (saves everything written that relates to trans thing)

when you said you were interested that i as a person interest you.... sounded nice in the beginning.... but it's starting to sound like you find me as some fun little game, a challenge to test your sexual skills on... stop it.... please.....

AND NOW! THE FIRST AND FOREMOST PURPOSE OF THIS MESSAGE XD

and i'm sorry photobucket really wasn't showing up ;-; i had to download a different net browser to get it to come up =.=

<img src=" User Image

********' FINALLY!! i bet it's too late though ;-; SORRY sad ( i forgot until today, i took the picture (obviously) last week then photobucket didn't work etc. >.> technology AND life hates us all... ~sigh~ .... ok i'll stop before your eyes fall out for reading all this bullshit =.= ..... i put myself in a bad mood ~pouts... sigh~ ... see you at school tomorrow...........


ps... i don't hate you...






User Comments: [1] [add]
tehshockmule
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Tue Apr 17, 2007 @ 10:11am
Hun that may had been the best to tell him all that was on your mind, even if a lot of it was you rambling....but at points you should feel better 'cause you just got a lot of weight off of you chest >.>


User Comments: [1] [add]
 
 
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