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ive noticed a pattern, my friends, and that is a pattern in judgement that i often do not realize. it seems that i frequently have a very good idea, and the implementation of that idea is typically pretty creative and fun, but the actual carry-out of such idea becomes something i did not quite realize.

perhaps i am confusing you, so allow me an example. not long ago i had a few more friends than i do now. it was with these friends that are no longer with me that an idea, no, more of a scheme, was hatched from our brains. we all had a mutual friend who had a habit of being silly, and it was towards him that our scheme was directed.

its not that he annoyed us, it was more that he did peculiar things which we sometimes questioned, so to get back at him, we were going to do something peculiar back.

it started in my studio, where i keep a number of supplies, and with such supplies we devised a letter, the contents of which were completely fabricated and went something along the lines of 'we know what you did, were going to get you' blah blah blah, and we signed it with a slash of a hand print in red paint. i really was just a joke.

well, we decided our joke was not yet complete, so we came to the conclusion that we all needed to wear masks while delivering this message (although this was also a bit silly, since mask or no mask we were all easy to identify). Well, we all found a mask to wear from the assortment that i keep on hand, but then saw that the masks were not enough. we would also dress up in the large black cloak, big enough to cover all three of us at once, and wear that on the delivery.

well, it was a dark night, and it was nearing three in the morning, and although i had masks and cloaks and letter writing supplies, i had not flashlights, so we each took a candle from my room.

while doing this, one of the accomplices also noticed a newly-sharpened machete hanging on my wall, and thought it would be a god prop, and a good defensive weapon if we were stopped on the way to our friends house.

finally ready, i realize that we will need to take my car. the house was close, but not close enough to walk. i know that my papa would notice us driving away at three in the morning, so i go into his room and wake him up, and try my best to tell him what we are up to and convince him to let us go. i explain that were playing a little joke on a friend, and he had it coming, and we would come right back and not get into trouble, so he says to me "well, you gotta do what you gotta do." and with that, were off.

we park about a quarter of a mile from the house, so that our friend wont see the headlights pull up, and we unload the candles and the robe and masks and letter and machete, and make the treck towards the residence.

it was probably then that i realized how far out of control out joke had gotten. it had gone from a silly letter, to a masked letter, to a weapon-wielding candle carrying trio that quite literally looked like a couple of pagans about to give a human sacrifice (no offense to you pagans out there, that's just the way i saw it).

well, we get to the house and sneak across the yard to his window, taping the letter to the sill, then slowly, eerily, scrape the blade of the sharpened machete across the window pane.

expecting some sort of reaction but getting none,we scrape a little louder. we float the candles closer to the window and scratch the screen protecting the glass.

again there's no reaction.

we muse to ourselves that he was probably paralyzed in terror, unable to get up or turn on the light, and continue scraping.

still there is nothing, and we knock on the window and get the same non-response. our confusion mounts. what is he doing?

finally, after quite a while of standing there trying to scare the pee pee out of our friend, we decide its a lost cause and trudge back to the car. the drive back is filled with 'ah! i cant believe we did that! oooh! i bet he was trembling in his bed! he was so scared he couldn't get up! hahaha!', and back to the studio we went.

once safely locked into my art cave, we decide that we need to do a follow up, just to see what happened to him.

we call his phone (and please take into account that it is nearing 4 am), but he doesn't pick up. we leave a stupid voicemail of all three of us screaming "WAKEY WAKEY EGGS AND BAKEY TIME!"

please don't ask me where this came from. i truly have no idea.

well, we call again, thinking that he is still too terrified to even pick up the phone, but we try again. this time he does pick up the phone, but the voice we hear is not one of terror, but a sleepy, groggy, why are you calling at 4 am sort of voice. needless to say, we are all very confused. we ask him how hes feeling, and he says tired, and we ask what hes doing, and he says trying to sleep. we ask where he is, and he says in a hotel room in fort worth and we all look at each other with the exact same expression: we did all of that for nothing?!?!?!?



to be continued.....