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Why is he getting all mad, it was only a mistake. why does he have to beat her across the face. I wish someone would have answered her prayers, but shes helpless 'cause no body cares. She's bruised and blistered with the pain of her beatings. I never knew this would stop her from leaving. I never knew this would keep on repeating. But i knew this would stop her from succeeding, And now that shes bloody and broken and gone. now that no one will miss her for long. I noticed these actions and all that remains is a whisper from the grave and I thought. I thought to myself, what a world we live in, but every life is worth more then anything you could ever buy. And I thought. Thought to myself, what a world full of war, where's the peace. The peace is near to no where. Then I thought that there was nothing to hang onto 'cause you'll only get beat down at the end. Like her here and there. and she tried to get up but she cant because he hurt her to bad and he just stood there and stared as she cried. and while the angels tried to bring her from death, the real world never noticed she died.
 theusedluver801 · Thu Jul 09, 2009 @ 04:39pm · 0 Comments |
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I Feel Older. older then what I am. I feel like an adult. An adult still in high school. I feel like a parent. A parent that lost her baby. I feel older. even though im young. I feel like crying. crying like I used to. Like I used to believe Im worthless. Like everyone makes me feel. I want to be older. And I want to have kids. And be able to surrport then. And be successful. Like my family. And live off what I work for and not welfare. And have a husband that loves me enough to actually stay with me forever. And will surport a family and work with me. And I want to go to college and be either a docter or a computer technichan. Im gonna be one of the two girls actually on the baseball team next year cause I aint accepting softball. I have so many dreams . And I am looking to fulfill them. I plan on it
I love life
And my family and friends
And I will work hard
Till my life ends
To work for what I want
I will do just that
And I will have the world
And Thats Just A Fact
theusedluver801 · Thu Jul 09, 2009 @ 04:31pm · 0 Comments |
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Can Anyone Tell Me Why My Friends Are... |
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so selfcentered. full of themselves. im sick of all of them. even the best. ditch me now i dont care anymore. cause i could give two shits and a ******** bout where you and and where your going. cause you never would have told me anyway.. never tell me s**t. bunch of bagstabbing liers. bunch of nail biting cunts. dont think of anyone but yourself. and when it comes down to your friends. they aint worth s**t to you as long as you get what you want. and what you say aint good. and what you do aint good either. you dont listen to anyone else but yourself. do you ever take into consideration that i might want a say in something. or might wanna put my two cents into it. or wanna hang out sometimes.. fine dont ask me. i dont care. you aint a real homie. you aint nothing. nothing to me. i dont care bout you anymore. cause all you want is more more more. and i dont like you. i never have. and i never will. even by all the nice things you say. or by pretending anyway. i aint buying it. not one word. so get out of my life. and ******** what you heard. bout me loving you. that was just a joke. to see if you'd acually believe. that i could love. someone so.. bitchy.. trashy.. ridiculous.. not funny.. prude.. and embarrising as you.
theusedluver801 · Thu Jul 09, 2009 @ 04:25pm · 0 Comments |
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Sometimes I wonder where I am going when I look back to the choices I have made.I look through he shadows of my life throught things i just can’t remember. As I realize that I never regret what I do, I regret what I never did. Sometimes I sit and wonder what I am getting myself into. What I am going to do next. I usually tell everyone to take life as it comes and never think or dream about the future but sometimes I jsut can’t help but break my own rules.Wasting my life away is the least of my worries right now.Thinking everything I find sad gets me down to a low. I have been through both my happiest and sadest moments and points in my life. looking throught the sadest points and just thinking there is just going to be something even more sad to bring me down.Then looking through my happiest moments and knowing there is just going to be something even more happy to bring me back up. Both of them just get bigger and bigger and one never stays for a really long while. looking at both happy and sad moments and thinking they are pretty much the same exept for the fact that they are the same but only on different scales of positive and negative, only growing every time.
theusedluver801 · Thu Jul 09, 2009 @ 04:23pm · 0 Comments |
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For that i say that life can be short, life can kill, and life can suck. Don't let the depressing moments or down times without thinking about the good. Think positive. Think before you say or do anything. Don't regret anything. Don't listen to the people who make you mad because all they want to do is get you mad. Life is to short to worry all of the time and to waste your days wishing is just taking time on the fun of your life. For that I say to live with no regrets. make tons of friends. make peace in the world and do whatever the ******** you feel you want or have to do. Your life is perfect. Everyone's is. They say no one can be perfect but i think that saying only puts people in the negative. For that I say everyone is perfect. people may not think or belive you are but everyone is perfect. I try to put everything in the possitive. I live in peace. I want everyone to be kind to each other and to not hate people. Everyone should love each other. life is to short to hate people all the time. Treat people with the same respect you want to be treated with so you get that treatment. For that I say live the life you want to live, take life as it comes and never worry about the furture, if you worry and dream about what is going to happen to you it's just wasting moments in your life that you could spend going out with friends and having a grand old time. never take things in the negative. Think peace and never let someone bring you down.
theusedluver801 · Thu Jul 09, 2009 @ 04:21pm · 0 Comments |
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Sometimes you just have to do mean things to the friend that forgives easily in order to keep your other friends that tell you to do it. These are no good friends. But thats just how friends go. I forgive very easily and I am trying to get red of that factor of me and try to take things more personal and not let it burn me. I don't take anybodies s**t anymore. I just try not to keep the friends who don't talk to me anymore or just keep getting me pissed off. I also can't keep bottling this feelings inside me for much longer therefore I am writing these blogs about how I feel. my life is going to change by the choices I make. But it is going to be hell if I don't accept those changes. These choices make me who i am and they make me different from what people want me to be. I love life. I want to live it how I want when I want. And however I want it til the day that i die. The days I miss will hurt forever, but I can heal from those moments in time where I thought was my worst. I believe I can do anything and I plan to do just that. With arms wide open.
theusedluver801 · Thu Jul 09, 2009 @ 04:20pm · 0 Comments |
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I'm sick of hiding
I'm sick of hiding all of my affections inside to a different world where no one can hear me and no one can possible know how I feel. I am sick of knowing that no matter where I go someone will always be talking about me, wiether it's good or bad. I am sick of pretending that I did nothing to deserve this but whatever I do in life will lead me in different directions. I am sick of bottling myself in this worthless nature pretending that it has nothing to do with me. I am sick of falling in love therefore I will only love one person and forbid anyone else in my life more then friends. I am sick of worring about the furture thinking where I am going to go in life therefore I take life as it comes instead of spending restless hours trying to think what to do next. Trying to figure out what is going to happen to me is the least of my worries right now. I am sick of being jealous therefore I try to think as if it will give me a chance later to make me feel a bit better. I am sick of feeling left out or forgotten from many activities that I choose to persue therefore I try to make my voice loud and clear and get noticed from the other side of the room to get my story and point across. I am sick of having a dull live therefore I try to do whatever I want when I want in order to get my life known by myself. I am sick of my step dad who does not do s**t around this house therefore I give him the worst time ever so he will do at least one thing. I am sick of being miss judged. I am sick of lying therefore I tell the truth no matter how hard it is to do it. I am sick of peoples rumors. I am sick of peoples lies. I am sick of people saying I'm wrong. I am sick of people bitching. I am sick of people who don't listen to me, and I am sick of people who never care.
I am sick of hiding.
theusedluver801 · Thu Jul 09, 2009 @ 04:19pm · 0 Comments |
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I Still Love You (Now Pain Loves Me) |
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I am fighting to try not to get sad thinking of you because I really do think that I will never get to have you ever again but I have to try to think good thoughts. Hense I might have you sometime. I try to think good things about everything. Like our relationship but I really cant get the point across. Even to myself. I have to understand that this is going to take a while to get our relationship back to it's strongest point but never seeing you ever is just making it worse. I want to see you. I want to be with you, And I miss the ******** out of you. I got to face it though. Its going to take a year and then four month's to get you back and it really hurts me that you off to other people. I may have said I wasn't at all a jealous person and I dont care who you date but I really do. I have just noticed that I have way more feelings towards you then I do for myself. And I just thought you shoulld have known that I love you and I really still do but the more times you dont talk to me the more I get sad. The more I think of you the more pissed I am at the girls that you date. Just my jealously that I only have if you talk about having sex with someone or how much fun you are having dating someone else. Just one reason for you not to talk about that stuff to your Ex girlfriends. I still love you and I will never forget you. I loved the way you carried me, the way you just couldn't stop saying I was hot, the way you smiled, and the way you laughed, The way you care, the way you dominate. The way that I think you are the perfect man for me. Yeah you might have your flaws and I may hate you from time to time but that will never get in the way of how I love you. No matter how hard you try to piss me off or make me cry I will still love you inside. What you mean to me would take a life time to write on paper. To the world you are one person but to one person you are the world. You are my world, And I hope you are reading this. This states everything. How I feel is sometimes a mystery, but when I finally figure it out, It's a statement of truth. Thw whole truth. I love the way I love you and I never want to lose you. I may have lost you a couple times so far but that never took away of us making up. So now I ask you this question, Will you ever date me again? It always feels like you won't and I can't predict the future. Make me a promise. Make me a promise that you will (sometimes in the future) get back with me to see how it goes. I am just not sure if you are waiting with me or exactly how you feel about me. But all I do know is that I have a lot of questions. Things that Question the statements that you have said to me, Question the love, and question the truth in this relationship. I don't really cares who reads this because I dont care what they think. I ******** love you. I just wish you could love me.
theusedluver801 · Thu Jul 09, 2009 @ 04:18pm · 0 Comments |
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have you ever had the feeling that you missed someone so bad that you didnt.
that feeling is so hard.
that feeling sucks that you will never be able to have the person you love because you never see them
and when you never see them you get to hate them more and more.
but the more you miss them
the more you want them
the more you pain to have them
then it all just goes away
then you love them again when after you got into a huge fight
and you are never talking to them again
and it just leaves you crying
Do you remember the times where you can have a boyfriend without them cheating on you
Do you remeber when you used to play with little dolls and you didnt even have a seeking feeling for men/women
Do you remeber when you could have a friend as honest to you as you are to yourself
Do you remeber back in your 2nd grade where nothing mattered and you didnt have all of the stress of high school
Do you remember all of the good times where you never had to do a thing and your parents did it all for you
Do you remeber when you just started liking guys and your were so nervous to kiss your boyfriend
Do you remember everything that didnt piss you off
Now do you think of all the problems the world has now and how many people think one thing then there are 20 other groups of people that think another
Do you remember when everyone used to think of themselves instead of runnign their mouths about people adn just focused on their life
Do you remember when people used to think of happy things instead of trying to kill themselves
Do you remember when everyone was nice to each other and didnt care about the mean things people say
Now people are to stuck up and prude to think of themselves. and they would rather spread rumors about each other then discussing what is wrong, and they would rather b***h about other people should do their work even though they are stopping doing their work to make others do theres. And they would rather complain about people talking and laughing about the word "sex" then being mature and just saying to themselves that "oh those people are just laughing because they are not comfortable with the topic."
So now I ask you this question
Are you this type of person?
And did you read this all?
cause these are my thought right now and everyone should know about it
Because my thoughts really do matter.
And I deserve to be heard
And everyone else does too.
Just listen to all the lies and pay attention to who says them and you will know exacally how I feel. then you can lose the one you love because he is getting laid by someone else then you would know another part of how I feel. Then have all of you friends calling you a slut and a whore then you will feel exacally what I am feeling right now.
Cheated on
Used
Pissed
Not trusted
Unloved
And
Forgotton
theusedluver801 · Thu Jul 09, 2009 @ 04:16pm · 0 Comments |
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I love you, And to think of what to say would take until you get back. You know I trust you a lot and I care more the anything, Well at least try to. Just to say I love you, These three words mean so much to me, You have to know that. I have ditched my family to be with you, even my sister and all of my friends, as they have done to me. I am always thinking about you, even when I try not to. You know how I feel and I would tell you everything. Next time we are alone together I want to tell you everything about me and I will start a list today. Even things from my old school, back with my worst years in elementary. Things no one knew, not even Nitasha or anyone . I have tried to keep my life a secret and now I have found you, a person I trust with all of my heart. I have lasteed four years without saying anything. Now I will tell you. I could say so much. I have feelings that no one knows about, and I have thooughts that no one knows I think about. Thoughts of the world and what could be. What I can see and where I could be right now. There is so much left to say, I could write a million pages. But all that I write and All that I say and all That I think will always sum up to three words. I love you.
theusedluver801 · Thu Jul 09, 2009 @ 04:15pm · 0 Comments |
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Thinking of you
So now I think of you
As the halls go silent
As tears run down my face
thinking not violent
Thinking of you
And how I cant stop
Loving you with every beat of my heart
Thinking of you with with every train of my thought
Thinking of you
In the thought of my mind
Thinking of you
With every month of my time
theusedluver801 · Thu Jul 09, 2009 @ 04:13pm · 0 Comments |
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How It Changed My Life
I did not know you that well
But I will remember you
Through the sick and the well
How It changed my life
I will remember it forever
and I wanted to be friends
but noopne can live forever
How it changed my life
The things that I thought
The choke in my throat
The things that were brought
How it changed my life
We only ment twice
And now I cry
because I never thought twice
How it changed my life
thinking about it made me so sad
And to think of my sisters being in the same position
That I would feel so bad
How it changed my life
Thinking it would happen again
You may not have been close enough to me
But close enough to think of when
How it changed my life
I may not have hang out with you
but I need to tell you one thing
I want to remember you
How it changed my life
I hope everyone sees this poem
because it means a lot to me
And everyone will admire this poem
How it changed my life
I will never get over it
And I hope your familly are okay
And everyone will know it
How it changed my life
I will never forget
I am going over the top
And you family is to I bet
How it changed my life
I just want you to know
That I care so much
It puts me in woe
How it changed my life
I could happen to any other
person that crosses my path
even my mother
How it changed my life
Now I am scared of driving
But I cant let this drive me
As I stand striving
How it changed my life
I cant let this run my life
But I will never forget
How it changed my life
theusedluver801 · Thu Jul 09, 2009 @ 04:12pm · 0 Comments |
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Understand the fact that I know I love you, Understand the fact that whenever you come over all I want to do is be with you, Understand the fact that I want to be with you, That I want to be there, And that I want to chill each and every day for the rest of my days, Understand the fact that I will never let you go even if you go, Understand the fact that whenever you say stupid stuff over the phone (even though it makes you you) that it hurts me what you say, Understand to be yourself and act good to me as if we were alone, Understand that I dont want to be alone niether do I want to be with someone who does not care for me, Understand that you are my influence, Understand that I want to be with you, I want to love you, I want you to love me, I wish you will read this even though you probally dont even know that I wrote this, You have to understand how I feel when I am talking to you, Whenever I am around you I feel like I dont like you and our love is fading away because my veiw on life is changing because the stuff I do, you have to talk to me sometime so I can explain and you can Understand. Please Understand why I am writing this,,...
It is because I love You......
theusedluver801 · Thu Jul 09, 2009 @ 04:11pm · 0 Comments |
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I know that all of my friends like kim better then me so just say it to my face. all of my friends move onto my sister. You hate me, you dont want to be my friend. You just want me because i am the slut of the bus. Do you want to see how far i can shove my foot up your a**. there are a lot of people who you would have you as a friend but you picked me, deal with it. I know what you are thinking, "She is being so mean saying these stuff to her friends" and I am sick of sitting at the bloody kids table. My friends treat me as a reject, everything less of a friend. I feel like I just got stabed with one million sharp peices of glass, what i feel inside can not be explaned in words. Only instints can guide me and they are guiding me in the wrong direction, i do not have a big mouth. try saying that to kayla. I try to keep all my secrets inside. I am not a fat a**. I am me. The only thing that i want to be. The only thing that i can be. right now everyone rejects me and i am sick of it. leave me alone. what i am feeling no one will ever understand. No one will know. No one will care. to me i have no friends unless they change there tone. to me nothing passes through the boundres, to me nothing changes, to me i have no one to love, and that person that i do love does not love me back. forget about me, leave your feelings inside if you are to scared to tell me that you want me back. just say it to my face, so that everyone can hear. say it or leave me here.
theusedluver801 · Thu Jul 09, 2009 @ 04:09pm · 0 Comments |
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