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Sometimes when I say "oh, I'm fine"
Because of You
I didn't know what effect leaving you would have on me. I still don't quite know. I do know, that I am doing good. A part of me will always miss you, but I can't let that get in my way. Now that you're gone, life seems a little simpler. Times get tough, but life is full of those times. I didn't know that the scars I thought I had, weren't really there. You didn't leave me scarred, you left me stronger. You left me able to better protect myself from emotional harm. Because of you, I can do things now I couldn't do before. I didn't know it months, a year, ago when it could have made a difference. I know it now, though, so that is what matters. Suicide shall not entertain my thoughts again because of pain over you, or anyone else. That pain is gone. Happiness and strength has replaced it. It has been a year and six days since that August Saturday. A year and six days I have been able to stay strong. All because of you. So I guess all that is left to say, is thank you.
~Dedicated to Brandon, ex-boyfriend
~Written August 10, 2007
Keep Holding On
When life seems dark
just keep holding on
because we'll get through.
You don't have to fight alone
I willl be right there
fighting tooth and nail with you.
No matter what you say
no matter what happens
I will stand by your side.
We'll get through this
standing side by side
we'll fight and defend.
We just have to stay strong
relying on each other
and it will all work out.
I am there for you
as you are for me
and always will be for the rest of eternity.
All we have to do
the one thing
is keep holding on.
~Dedicated to Kate, the first friend I ever had
~Written August 11, 2007
I want someone to look me in the eyes and say "tell the truth"
 Tsalagi1923 · Mon Aug 13, 2007 @ 01:48am · 0 Comments |
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-Gaianame- -_-Xan91-_-
-Character name- Xan
-Gender- male
-Appearance- Xan is at the maximum height for his race, the Kender, at four feet high. He has short, light brown hair that is somewhat spiky. It sticks up at points and sways whenever the wind hits it. His skin tone is slightly tanned. His eyes are a dark brown color. He is often seen with a smile on his face. Going across his left eye is a scar that he obtained in a fight.
Xan wears a black, hooded cloak that conceals his face when he has the hood up. The cloak enables him to blend in when he was walking in the dark. The cloak wraps around and clasps in the front, just below his neckline. The clasp is in the form of a metal, silver leaf. When it is windy or he is running, his cloak billows behind him since it is just clasped up by his neck.
He wears a dark, foresty green shirt underneathe that reaches down to his waist. It is a pullover shirt and holds no buttons on it. Wrapping around his waist is a brown belt-like item. A pouch is sometimes visible when the cloak is flapping backwards, but the contents are not visible unless moonlight reflects off of it. This pouch is where his daggers are located. Some of them anyway. They are in easy grabbing distance. His shirt fits him tightly, showing some muscle from his activities. The shirt is sleeve-less, to prevent snagging.
His pants are black and fit comfortably. They are not too tight, nor are they too big. Having pants that would get caught on three branches or bushes or anything else that came his way would not do him well, so he makes sure that his pants are not too loose. He wears a black pouch around his upper leg on his right side. There are more daggers inside and because it blends in with his pants, the pouch is rarely ever noticed. He also makes sure that the blades are not visible.
He wears brown boots that reach up to the middle of his lower leg. Some would think he would have daggers hidden amongst the boots, but he does. All he carries with him is eight daggers. Four in each of the pouches. The boots are semi-tight and have the pants tucked into them as well. He takes every precaution he can to prevent getting caught in something.
-Race and Class- Kender; Ranger
-Age- 70
-Attribute- Fire
-Alignment- Neutral good
-Personality- Xan, like most Kenders, is curious by nature. He is also sneaky. He will usually only do something for someone else if he sees something in it for him, but sometimes it will be him just being nice. Xan enjoys traveling, especially if the traveling takes him near dragons. Xan typically sees other people as someone that he can steal an item from. Afterall, if it is just around loosly, he feels that he has a right to it.
-Sexuality- Straight
-Weapons- Daggers. The weapon he is second best with is a short sword. He usually won't use a short sword unless he has too. This usually happens when is near one and it is easier to grab than one of his daggers. He carries daggers with him.
-History-
Xan has always been curious. One day when he was a little boy, around the age of ten, he got into a squabble with another boy. He had been curious about something the other boy had, but his poking around was not liked. As a result, there had been a fight. During the fight, Xan got cut across his left eye. To this day he has a scar and it is a reminder of what his curiousness caused him, but he still does not turn away from it. He has always remained curious.
He was able to get help soon enough to keep his eyesight in his left eye, but the vision is less than what it was before. He can still see well, but his right eye has better vision. He and that boy became friends afterwards, but Xan still never found out about the item he had been interested in. He had left it alone.
When he turned seventeen, he decided he would wander about the forest. He had thought he saw something out in the forest and wanted to know what it was. His parents wouldn't let him go out there so he snuck away in the middle of the night. He got turned around in the forest, and eventually got lost. There hadn't really been anything there, but he had eventually given up trying to find his way back home.
Most of his friends had soley set themselves on being theives, but Xan was different. He was still a theif, but he also wanted to be something else. As he travelled, he decided on ranger. He had seen some other people who were rangers, and it looked like fun to him. Soon, he became a "theiving ranger" as he put it. He kept his appearance hidden so that nobody would see what he looked like. He knew that if word ended up getting back to his parents, they would come and get him. He loved his parents, but he wanted to be free.
As he grew older and the world started to change, he grew more curious about what was causing it. He had overheard some people talking, calling it Chaos. He sent out to find the source of it, not sure if there really was a source, but curious nontheless. He wondered if his family was still alive, but his curiosity about this new era was stronger.
-Other-
Xan doesn't really carry anything else with him. He feels that it would just be added weight that would slow him down. He had never been given anything special so he doesn't have anything else other than his daggers.
Tsalagi1923 · Fri Jul 13, 2007 @ 07:34pm · 0 Comments |
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Where are you?
I need you here with me
whoever you are
I don't know when or where
we will meet
but I hope it is soon
You're funny
and you make me feel special
You look at me on a bad day
and say everything is all right
Whenever you say it
I know it is true
Where are you
my lonley heart asks
It wonders
if it will ever find true love
It thought so at once
but now it knows different
He was not the one
none of them were
So I ask again
in desperation
where are you?
*Dedicated to the guy in the future who will be my husband
Thank You
You can be a bit loony at times,
but you're still great.
You're always there,
when I need you.
You have helped me tear down some masks,
and walls.
Masks and walls,
I have had up for fifteen years.
Now I am sixteen,
with no added masks or walls.
You are a lifesaver,
and for that I thank you.
You know what to say,
and you aren't afraid to say the truth.
Even though at times I may not want to heat it,
you say it anyway and it helps.
So once again from the depth of my heart,
Julia, I thank you.
*Dedicated to a wonder friend. Thanks J!
Need a post layout? I got you! Shoot me a pm with all the details of what you need! Want to rp with me? Want samples? Here ya go! Samples <3 Tsalagi1923 · Wed Jul 11, 2007 @ 04:28am · 0 Comments |
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Why did you do it?
Why did you do it,
why did you lie to me?
Did you have a good reason,
or did you just take advantage of me?
Will I ever get an answer,
or will I forever be in the dark?
I looked up to you,
like a child is supposed to look up to a parent.
You were like a father,
a father I never had.
You destroyed a part of me,
but I am striving to put it back together.
You helped me piece back my life,
only now you try and tear it apart again.
Tell me,
why did you do it?
Did I become a burden,
or did you just get tired of hearing me?
You lied to me,
the last person I would have thought would do such a thing.
You said you would be there for me,
yet now you are no longer there.
Is there a guy out there,
who will not act this way?
If so,
I long to meet him.
Tell me,
why did you do it?
*Dedicated to someone I once saw as a father figure. Why, Rodrigo?
Need a post layout? I got you! Shoot me a pm with all the details of what you need! Want to rp with me? Want samples? Here ya go! Samples <3 Tsalagi1923 · Tue Jul 10, 2007 @ 01:22am · 0 Comments |
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My first friend...united in heart and mind
We both wandered in the dark
searching for someone to call safe
We searched with searches comng up empty
but we kept on.
We were getting close to giving up
sure that no one would show
when we almost decided to give up
that was when we met.
The effect was instant
we knew we would be safe
we knew that no one could harm us
as long as we were together.
We went through the little bit of Elementary school
that was left
and then got seperated at Junior High
but we were still united in heart and mind.
Junior High ended
and we still were not able to go to school together
but still we remained
united in heart and mind.
We played together
even when we were supposed to be asleep
but we kept quiet
so we wouldn't get caught.
Now we are miles and miles apart
farther than we have ever been
and it hurts to be so far away
but it is not the end.
We will meet again
that I am sure
and we will always remain
united in heart and mind.
*Dedicated to the first friend that I ever had. Thank you so much Kate!
Need a post layout? I got you! Shoot me a pm with all the details of what you need! Want to rp with me? Want samples? Here ya go! Samples <3 Tsalagi1923 · Mon Jul 09, 2007 @ 09:33pm · 0 Comments |
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STORYLINE
---Since the dawn of time there has always been at least one person aware of one element, one nature, in the world: evil. What forms there were of such things were unknown, but it was known to be there.
---As time progressed and an organization, S.A.N.O., arises, another organization is needed to keep right and wrong, light and dark, good and evil, balanced.
---So a new organization arises: W.D.A.E. Created a century after the other, it had much catching up to do. Both organizations contained different races, but S.A.N.O. favoring one specifically. The one race that started this all.
BOOK ONE: ORGANIZATIONS RISING
---In the early 1500's, an organization called S.A.N.O. was created. Their goal was to gain control of everything in the world. A few members made up the organization in its early years but grew and grew as the years went by. Maham and diseases were unleashed. Slowly takeover begins. They work in the shadows and keep themselves hidden.
---In 1578, ideas began to form to stop the organization. Thus came W.D.A.E. They started out with more people, but it hadn't become and actualy organization. In the early 1600's, W.D.A.E. was formed.
BOOK TWO: KILL OR BE KILLED
---With both organizations on edge with losses on both sides, tension is high. An imminent battle is approaching. The two organizations meet on a battlefield. Only one side can be the victor. Who will walk away and who won't?
---What will happen should one sly vampire get away before the side she fights for is utterly destroyed? Will the other side hunt after her, or let her go? Will she be able to get away?
BOOK THREE: THE HUNT
---Now hiding after the destruction of S.A.N.O., Raeka must be more clever than she has ever been in the past. With Keitha heading the search, she could be found quite easily.
---During her hiding, she hears word from an anonymous person that someone she holds dear did not escape. This person also tells her that they can help her. Being the cautious vampire she is, Raeka is skeptical. Could this person be telling the truth? Wouldn't Keitha find her if she left hiding? Something was telling her he was right about the person she holds dear. Now swearing revenge, she begins hunting Keitha as the Dhampir hunts her. Which hunter will win the hunt?
S.A.N.O. BASES AND LOCATIONS
[Spain]
Director- Armando Chavez
Feature- Main Headquarters for S.A.N.O.
Capital- Madrid
Division 1
Squad 1
Director- Raeka Vasquez
Location- Salamanca
Features- Squad 1 Headquarters, strongest/elite
Squad 2
Director- Arcadia Charo
Location- Toledo
Features- Squad 2 Headquarters, sword users
Squad 3
Director- Neron Zenon
Location- Pamplona
Features- Squad 3 Headquarters, strategists/scouts
Squad 4
Director- Juliana Zarita
Location- Cordoba
Features- Squad 4 Headquaters, elementalists
Squad 5
Director- Amato Castel
Location- Granada
Features- Squad 5 Headquarters, gun masters
Squad 6
Director- Feo Tajo
Location- Marbella
Features- Squad 6 Headquarters, sword masters
[Germany]
Director-
Feature- Headquarters for Division 2
Capital- Berlin
Division 2
Squad 1
Director-
Location- Emden
Features- Squad 1 Headquarters, Elementals
Squad 2
Director-
Location- Stuttgart
Features- Squad 2 Headquarters, Pyromaniacs
Squad 3
Director-
Location- Bremen
Features- Squad 3 Headquarters, sword masters
Squad 4
Director-
Location- Wilhelmshaven
Features- Squad 4 Headquarters, gun masters
Squad 5
Director-
Location- Bonn
Features- Squad 5 headquarters, strategists
Squad 6
Director-
Location- Rheinhausen
Features- Squad 6 Headquarters, scouts
[U.S.A.]
Director-
Feature- Headquarters for Division 3
Capital- Washington D.C.
Division 3
Squad 1
Director-
Location-
Features- Squad 1 Headquarters,
Squad 2
Director-
Location-
Features- Squad 2 Headquarters,
Squad 3
Director-
Location-
Features- Squad 3 headquarters,
Squad 4
Director-
Location-
Features- Squad 4 headquarters,
Squad 5
Director-
Location-
Features- Squad 5 headquarters,
Squad 6
Director-
Location-
Features- Squad 6 headquarters,
Tsalagi1923 · Mon Jun 18, 2007 @ 08:31pm · 0 Comments |
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(Selene Starlite Modred)
A tall black-haired female walked through the streets of New Orleans in the night. She showed no fear as she walked. She had no need to after all. Her braided ponytail swished behind her as she walked. The curved blade that she had at the tip of it was catching some attention as she walked.
She was on patrol for those creatures that preyed on the the innocent humans. Selene scanned the crowed that she was in for any sign of a Damos. She knew that Asher and Alala were out patroling as well, but they weren't near her. Yet anyway.
She knew that she was headed towards where Asher was. She still couldn't believe that the Fates had her soulmate be another Protector. She didn't know that it was possible. At least she wouldn't have to stop being a Protector though.
She found it funny that Asher didn't know that they were soulmates though. She was the only one other than her father and the Fates that knew he was her soulmate. She knew who everyone elses soumates were also.
She stopped walking when she heard something behind her. She turned around slowly and saw five people with red hair. She knew who they were instantly. "Well, it looks like my boring night is about to get interesting, and then boring again."
"That is what you think Protector. You are going to die tonight." One of the Damos said as he grabbed a sword that he had. He pointed it at her like he was going to rush her.
"Oh really? Hasn't anyone ever told you that I can't be killed?" She said as she grinned and grabbed her katana. She kept her gaze on the one that had spoken, and killed two of them instantly. She watched as the remaining three looked at each other.
"How--" The one that was obviously the leader of the group gave her wide eyes. Then it turned to a smirk. "Every Protector can be killed. Even you Selene." He said as he ran at her with his sword ready. As he charged, so did the other two.
Selene sighed as she shook her head. She teleported behind them and smirked. "Hello Damos." She said as she struck one through the back. She watched as the other two turned around as their companion disappeared in a puff of golden ashes.
"You are dead." The leader said as he tried to stab her with the sword, but ended up missing. He growled as he looked around and tried to find her. The other one came up and tried to attack her from behind. He was able to get her in the leg.
Selene glared at them as she turned around and kicked the Damos in the chest. The vampire went up in a puff of golden dust like the other three had. She had made the blades come out of her boots. She turned around and brought her sword up to block the attack that the other one was trying to kill her with.
Why were the Damos so stupid? They were cowardly also. She wished that she could fight the ones that she had before. When she was about two thousand years old. Those had been good fights. The Damos now were so bad at fighting. She had her sword pointed at the vampire and he still kept running at her. She sighed as he hit it and disappeared.
The blades went back into her boots and she put her sword away. Now she had to continue to find Asher. She knew that he wasn't far, but she was taking the long way on purpose. It wasn't like they had a time limit. They could be out all night and day if they wanted, which they often did do.
---------------------
(Selene Starlite Modred, ???)
As she continued to walk through the city, she had come across two other groups of the Damos. Was this the night that they all attacked? That was what it sure seemed like. She had encounted this many in one night in about two hundred years.
In all her life of fighting the Damos she had only encountered nights like this one about ten times. Each time it had been a hassle. It was one of those times that it was a good thing that they had so many Protectors out there.
It didn't seem to be that bad this night. Unless they were waiting until most of the other Protectors were back in their homes to attack in more full. When it would be just her and Asher. It seemed like something that was much too organized for the Damos though.
She just sighed as she stopped on the sidewalk under one of the street lights. Her curved weapon at the end of her braid shone in the light. She had a dagger in her hand as she watched a fight that was going on in the park across the street. "Never too careful about where you fight."
She shook her head. When she saw one of the red-headed people come up behind the person that was fighting singily, she threw the dagger. She watched as the red head went up in golden ashes. "It's a wonder they go up in golden ashes when Apollo doesn't even want to see them in the day. Oh well." She said as she shrugged.
She started walking across the street towards the man that looked a little comfused. "What is wrong Asher? A little comfused?" She said as she grinned. "Did you get any of the ashes on you?" She knew that he hated the ashes getting on him which was why she had chosen that moment to kill the Damos.
Asher turned to look at her. "I should have known that it was you. None of the other Protectors has as deadly aim like that. Except me." He said as he tried to dust off his back. As far as he could tell, he didn't have any of the golden ashes on him.
Selene just sighed as she wrapped her hand up in his hair. "You don't have any. Are you always going to fall for that?" She said as she looked at his face. She loved staring into his eyes. At least, she would stare into them until memories of her past came back to her. "You don't even have aim like I do." She said as she pulled her hand out and pushed him a little.
Asher faked a pained look. He knew that it wouldn't work on her, but he had turned it into a game. "So." He said before her pulled her against him. "Why am I so attracted to you? I know that you know." He said half serious, half joking.
Selene sighed as he pulled her close to him. She had to look down at him a little since she was an inch taller than he was. "You're right, I do know, but I cannot tell you. At least not yet. All I will say is that it has to do with the Fates."
Asher groaned. "You know how much I hate it when you go Oracle because I can never figure out what you are talking about." He sighed. "No matter what though, I can't seem to hate you." It really drove him crazy when she did this.
"I know. If we stay like this, it will be perfect for the Damos to come up and try to sneak attack us. Not that they could anyway, but there is that slight chance." She said with a smirk. "I do it because you just look cuter when you are frustrated.
Asher just stared. He sighed after a moment. "I know." He said as he pulled away and looked around. "Have you seen Alala tonight?" He asked as he turned back to look at her. He usually ran into her at least once in a night.
"No, but it isn't anything to worry about. I know that she is out patrolling. The Damos are attacking more tonight than usual. She is probably just caught in a battle." Selene said as she stepped back and looked around. Now that she thought about it, she hadn't seen her either.
"It seems odd that they are attacking more like this. They haven't done this in a while." He said as he watched her. When he caught something shine, he saw her curved blade. "Why do you where that thing in your hair?"
Selene shrugged as she watched him out of the corner of her eye. "I just like it. Plus, it is easy to use and I can take out more than one Damos easier this way." She said with a smile as she she turned to look at him. She spun around suddenly.
Asher sighed. "You always were more different than others. Hey!" He said as he ducked quickly. "What are you doing? Are you trying to kill me?" He asked as he stood up again. Why had she done that? It made no sense to him, but then, nothing she did made sense to him.
"You know that I am not trying to kill you. What reason would I have to do that? You know that my father would be mad at me. Goodness knows that I don't want him mad at me. He is the only one that knows what can kill me." She said as she looked at him and smiled.
Asher sighed as he shook his head. He turned around and started walking away. "I'm going to go finish patrolling. I'll meet you at the usual place as the sun rises and all the pathetically weak inkblots are in bed asleep." He said as he kept walking.
Selene nodded as she watched him walk away. "All right. See you in a couple of hours." She said as she turned to walk away. She had to go finish patrolling to. She didn't know how she was going to tell him that they were soulmates.
----------------------
(Selene Starlite Modred)
As she was walking, she looked across the street and saw a fight going on. She smirked when she noticed that it was Gabor fighting. There was Gabor, she had already talked to Asher, now all she had to do was find Alala. That would be interesting to do.
She just stood there as she watched Gabor fight. For a moment more anyway. She sensed someone come up behind her and spun around suddenly. The blade at the tip of her hair causing a glare off of the street lights, and then making contact with the chest of the Damos. She watched as he disappeared in golden ash. "I really hate red-heads." She said with a sigh before she turned back to Gabor.
She was very glad that Asher wasn't a red-head, or they would have had issues. If he had been, she would probably mistake him for a Damos a few times and try and kill him. Maybe. Not as bad as Taliana was though. That girl was going to end up killing on of her Protectors one of these days and she was going to be in a lot of trouble from Selene and Ambrose.
She found it amusing how she knew how to get everyone's soul back but they didn't know. They would find out when the time was right. She wouldn't tell them before it was time for them to find out. She couldn't tell them until it was the right time.
((Short>.< wink )
------------
(Selene Starlite Modred)
She watched as the other Protector walked away and continued her patrol. She had to do that as well. Well, that would have to wait for a moment considering how many red-heads she saw up ahead. Tonight seemed to be the attacking night and it was beginning to drive her crazy.
"Won't you guys just give in already?" She said with a bored tone. She could easily kill these guys with one attack, but that would ruin the fun of it. Plus, that was just abusing her powers. The only time she used that was when it was needed to get a point across and that never seemed to work anyway.
She motated her neck from side to side as she started changing into a black leopard, blending into the black background. She had to make this as quick as she could without simply using one attack. She hadn't used this form in a while anyway so it felt nice to use it again. She had forgotten how good it felt.
The five Damos turned and didn't see anyone there. Then their eyes fell upon a black animal behind them. Was an animal really about to attack them? They started chuckling. Well, until the animal moved at a rapid pace and killed one their number in a matter of seconds. This was not a mere animal. "Selene."
She didn't pay any attention to the one that had spoke. She just attacked them without hesitation. Over eleven thousand years of doing this had taught her to not hesitate in killing them. She had made that mistake once before when she was newer to this, and she had no desire to repeat that same mistake.
------------
(Selene Starlite Modred)
The black leopard that was Selene launched itself at one of the Damos once again. Once again, it took the Damos down quick. Golden ashes got on the animals fur, but she ignored it. All she did was turn to the others. She was beginning to get fed up with this right now and just wanted these vampires dead.
All of the sudden, lightning came down out of the sky and killed two of the remaining three. It seemed that one of them had managed to get out of the way in time. She turned to look at the Damos and snarled before she jumped at him. Her jaws latched around its throat and tore the throat at. When the vampire stumbled, she slashed at the black spot and watched it go up in dust.
When all the Damos were gone, the animal sat back on its hunches and slowly began to stand up as it took the form of the female Protector. When she was fully changed back, Selene looked around and didn't see anyone else. Good. She didn't need anyone else to see her change like that. It wouldn't do any good because then she would have to erase their memories.
She glanced up at the sky and saw the faint signs of sunlight coming over the horizon. The sun was beginning to come up which meant there would be no more Damos out on the streets. Alala and Gabor were probably heading back to their homes so that they would be safe from the sunlight. Well, they had an hour after the sun rose, unlike her and Asher, but they were probably heading back now for safetly measures.
The other Protectors in other parts of the country and world to were probably doing the same thing. Well, maybe not in other parts of the world. They were probably just coming outside to begin patroling so that they could keep the human race safe. The race that they had once been. The race that she had never been nor would she ever be.
Selene looked back at the sidewalk and the street as she saw some cars go by. The early morning workers were on their way to work. She was just getting done with her work to go into her other job. She was always working. A protector of the mortals by night, and a writer by day. She never slept. She never had any reason to. It made the perfect oppourtunity for people to come up and attempt to kill you because when you were sleeping, you weren't alert.
Well, most people weren't. The Protectors were alert because they had to be. Sometimes they would get only an hour of sleep. Sometimes they would sleep for the whole day until night fell. Like a vampire, they could sense when the sun was down and it was safe to venture out to begin their partoling of the night. Selene was always on alert. Especially if some psycho decided to try and kill her, and he realized that the bullet or whatever it was didn't faze her, she would either have to kill him or erase his memory of that. Usually she just erased their memory because she had sworn to her father that she wouldn't kill the humans. She had sworn to save them and killing them for something like that when there was other options went against that.
((Short >.< wink )
---------------
[Selene Starlite Modred, Caleb Starlite, Asher Lowell]
She looked up at the horizon and saw the sun starting to rise. That meant that the Damos were either already off the streets and hiding, or just leaving. She didn't really care which, as long as they weren't killing innocents. Them not killing was asking for too much.
She heard someone call her name and turned around to see her brother running towards her. "Caleb? What are you doing here?" This was the first time that her brother had come searching for her. Something had to be wrong.
"There is trouble at our house. Apparently some of the Damos are attacking there." He said as calmly as he could. It didn't come out very calm since he had never seen the Damos in person and he didn't know how to fight at all.
"What!" Selene shouted in shock and anger. Why would they be attacking there? 'You will suffer, Protectress.' The words of one of the older Damos that she had fought a long time ago came back to her. "I thought I killed him." She said in a low voice. She turned around just before Asher could try and scare her. "You are coming with me."
Asher stopped moving and stared at the anger in her face. What had just happened to make her so angry? He saw her brother standing behind her. Something must be happening. "All right." He didn't want to make her any angrier than she already was.
Selene turned to look at Caleb. "Go to my house and wait there. Do not go back to mom's until I come back and tell you that it is all right." She had a sterness in her voice that said if she was argued with, she would kill you and not think twice about it. No matter who you were.
"All right." Caleb said with a nod and took off to her house. He knew that he couldn't fight and wasn't about to head back there until he knew it was safe.
Selene grabbed Asher's arm and in the blink of an eye they were gone from where they were standing and appeared outside of her mother's house. "Dion!" She shouted in anger. The ground shook but she didn't pay any heed to it.
She saw her mom come running out. "Asher, take care of her. I have Damos that doesn't know the meaning of die to take care of." She said as she walked towards the house with deadly steps. She would kill him this time and make sure he stayed dead.
Asher nodded and made sure he kept ahold of her mom. He knew that she wouldn't try and go back in. As long as Selene was angry and in the house, he wasn't going to go in either.
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Tsalagi1923 · Sat Jun 16, 2007 @ 01:18am · 0 Comments |
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Why is it that I can get hurt so easily? I don't know. I have never really dwelled on it much nor do I really wish to. To me, I think it would just cause me even more pain. In German today, we had a sub. For the past few weeks, I have not been feeling good. I got eight hours of sleep last night, but I was still tired today. I didn't want to do anything. I have a book that I am reading for extra credit in English, goodness knows I need it right now, and it is due back to the library tomorrow. I am trying to finish it.
Since my German teacher doesn't have us turn in our assignments until the end of the chapter, I decided to do the assignment when I got home and read the book. My normal teacher would have let me. I don't know what it was, but the sub just aggravated me so much today. I broke down and, instead of doing the assignment, I wrote a tirade on paper and made it look like I was doing the work every time she would walk by. It worked.
He popped into my head. Not his name, but just him. One of my friends, Nett, gave me the advice to not use his name, but just call him, well, him. It is working. The pain isn't as bad. I look at the mistake I made when I contacted him on here. He gave me his cell number so I can call him when I needed to. What did I do? I called him. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Now, some of you are probably arguing that point. Saying I am not. If people knew half of the things I have done, especially one inparticular, they would agree with me.
I dated this guy for three years. When the second year of us being together came around, he started not answering my phone calls and he was never home when I would go over to his house. At least, that was what his dad would tell me. When the third year came around, he was talking to me again and it was like nothing had happened. One of my first mistakes. I let it be that way. I didn't question it. It wasn't until June of 2004 that I realized what was going on. I broke up with him. I felt much better afterwards.
The pain didn't start right away. After a few months, I started to feel alone again. Even with great friends there for me. Then I got over it. At least, I thought I did. August of 2006, it came back. It hit me so hard. December of the same year, it hit even harder. After a few months, it went away again. From that time until now, it will periodically creep back up on me, but not as bad.
Now that I went a little off subject, let's get back on track, shall we? What am I supposed to do now? I mean, I am still doing what I was doing before. I am reading my scriptures, praying. Maybe I am still doing something wrong. I don't know what it is though. Could anyone else know? Maybe it is simply the thoughts of him that come through. I can go for a month or two without a single thought of him, but then for some reason it comes back. Not his name, no. I will not allow that. Maybe, over time, I will just not think about him at all.
Oh, when I mentioned how there was a lapse that year of no contact? Well, it is happening again. It has been going on for a few months now. I am not going to take it any more. I am going to do what I can to not think of him. It is just wasting my time. Wasting my time when I could be doing something more productive than laying in my bed and clutching my chest as though I am trying to keep something from getting out. Or like I am trying to keep the pain from getting in any more. My chest will hurt so bad that I can't do a thing. I just lay there and cry and I can't move. Eventually, if it is bad enough, my entire body begins to hurt so I really can't move.
It hasn't happened in a while, but when it would happen, it would occur almost every night when I lay there to go to bed. What would I do in the morning when asked how I was doing? Tell everyone I was doing fine. Why? Because I have trust issues. Trust has been broken far too many times over the past years that I have trouble trusting hardly anyone anymore. There are a few, and I mean a few, friends that I will tell. There is one person that I confided everything to. Christ. He is the only one that I tell absolutly everything too. There are no secrets from Him. He is perfect and I don't need to worry about betrayal. Even though I have some great friends, they are only human and, as such, they will slip up. I do not hold it against them, but it is more for my own protection. Am I being selfish because of this? I don't think so. I am just tring to keep myself in one piece and not broken beyond repair. I have been broken too many times. Each of those times, it felt as though it were harder and harder to be put back together.
With finals coming up, I am working more on diving more into my classes, to keep my mind occupied with something. To keep my mind on something so that I don't let my mind wander onto something that I don't want it to.
Why...? Why does it have to be this way..?
Tsalagi1923 · Wed May 23, 2007 @ 12:01am · 0 Comments |
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