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I see nobody ever listens to me when I say "Update your ******** Journals" >_>; Except Calla. Calla, you rock. Even if you don't have My Space. Anyways...

Life. It's interesting. Today, I had school. Naturally. I was late because of my sister. Blah. Art = awesome due to Digital Imaging project and Gelletin Printing. English = kinda sucky. We're reading the "Grapes of Wrath" Which is like the most boring/depressing book this side of the universe. Graphics Design was... alright. I just finished up the tutorial I had to write and restored another image. Super fun! Zach needs to die, but super fun otherwise! <3

After school I worked. I delivered papers, then I went to Kat's. It was pretty slow while I was there, made a couple of sales, but it was mostly me working on my comic for Art and Culture which is due... soonish?

Then Ryan came in around 5:15. Ryan, Susan's boyfriend. It's the first time we really had the chance to talk. He's a really cool guy. Susan's really lucky. We waited for Susan for a little while and talked, then he headed out to someone's to play video games. Then I headed out after hearing AWESOME news about something to do with Kat that I won't say ^_^

I went to see how Susan's Tattoo was going along... pretty good. Her new one looks awesome. Then we drove over to Ryan's. And there she stayed. and here I am, sitting updating my journals. ^_^

Hmm.. what else can I say? What else has been on my mind? So many things. So many things I wish I could share with the general public, and yet can't. Well... I could but I'm afraid of who might read.

Let's see... Liz. I don't know what I'm going to get he for christmas. Well, I do. I'm getting her a nice set of dishes, silverware and some pots and pans. Maybe some yummy food too. Because next year she'll be moving into Noel's, and she says she REALLY needs some cooking stuff. But... I dunno. I want to get her something fun too... *opens wallet and sigh mark flies out* Crap.

I pretty much have everyone elses gifts. Liz always seems to be the hardest to buy for... for some reason.

Okay, now we're going to get personal. because I really need to let some feelings come floooowing out. Am I too clingy? That's one of my worst fears, that I'm being too "clingy". So afraid that I'm going to attach myself and then be severed really abruptly, feeling that same pain I felt when Michael desided he no longer wanted to be my friend. It all comes back to that in the end, sadly.

I don't bring this up abruptly, I have good reason to it. I'm not quite that dence. There's actually a person who, I suppose I'd now offically would call a friend, but I'm not completely sure whether he'd consider us as friends or not. Well, I think he considers me a friend, but a good one? I like it when people trust me, it's a strange thing.

Like... I know Susan would come to me if something was wrong. And she'd poor her heart out if it was really bad. I don't always have the answer, but I like being there for her.

See... I'm not sure if he'd come to me if something major was wrong. Rendering me completely useless. Making me feel like... I'm not good enough, that in turn I've done something wrong. That's how michael was, and this is how we ended up. Not even looking at each other while walking down the hallway, just a glare or a turn away. I don't want this friendship to end that way. actually, I won't let it. So, people. Am I too clingy?

<3

V*

I had a GREAT weekend! ^_^

Friday: I worked until the Song Circle started, then I sang some christmas songs for a while. Then Jon and I went to go get food at the Tavern. Amazing French Fries. Then we went back to Kat's store and sat downstairs as we listened to people sing upstairs, and Jon at his dinner. I painted for a while, then we had a tree off. Then we talked about randomness.

At 7:30, We left for the High School to watch Kat sing. She did a wonderful job by the way. Before her perfomance we ran around the school once and then we hung out in the Chort Yard. Which is totally cool at night. We stole a stapler out of the Photo Room. Which was awesome. And Played the p***s Game. Homigod. I get so embarassed even though nobody is around. He made me scream p***s on the threat that he's keep yelling p***s really loud. It's funny now that I look back at it...

After the show, Kat, Her Friend Vicky and Vicky's Boyfriend Greg went out for dinner, recruiting me to go grocery shopping with Jon. We really didn't end up going grosery shopping, we actually hung out on his bed for two hours. It's really comfy... and... yeah. Tickle the Jon is a fun game to play. It's more fun when he's sleepy though ^_^

11:00 came around and I had to go home. We stupidly went over to Hannaford's to see if it was open and it had just closed. *shrug* Then we walked back to his house, went in, then I'm like "Crap I've gotta get home" So he walked me to my truck, gave me a hug then went off on a tangent about his ghost radio, gave me another hug as a kitty ran by, I chased the kitty and pet the kitty because it was uber cute >^_^< then he said something about his kitty who had ran away a little while before and I gave him a hug then he hugged me and I went home.

Saturday: I spent the majority of my day cleaning, which is no fun. Actually, I spent the majority of my day watching Lauren clean my room, because she's the best sister in the world (at times). Actually, She only cleaned it because she didn't want to sleep on a dirty floor come christmas eve. Anyways, so then mom comes home and is like "Can you call Kat and ask her if I left my Clipboard there?" So I did and she did leave her clip board there and stuff. So I asked Kat what she was doing that evening and she told me her, Jon and Vicky were going Contra Danceing and invited me to come along. So I told her maybe and that I'd decide and call her back.

Stupidly, I forgot to call her back, so at around 5, Mom called and asked if it was okay if I got a ride with her and I couldn't because her car was full and the only way I'd be able to go was if I drove with Jon.

...

Score! So I got dressed and Mom drove me over to Kat's store and dropped me off. Jon then says "So have you already gone with your friend's for Chinese or what?" I hadn't so we once again broke off from the Kat, Vicky and Greg group and went to have Chinese! Yummy yummy in my tummy! ^_^ after chinese we headed off to Falmouth.

Durring the car ride I'm getting all nervous because we were getting closer and closer to the Contra Dance, and I had no clue what I was doing. And as I'm having doubts of my Dancing ablity's, he asks "Have you ever been to a Contra Dance before?" Like the smart V I am I say "...nooo... Is that bad?" He laughs abit and says " Yeah, it kinda is, but that's okay, I'll teach you a little before you go off dancing."

We arive in Falmouth and he calls Kat to see where we were going, apparently they were still eating, so we went off to Walmart and played around in the Electronics and in the Toy section, which was fun. Then... we headed off to the dance.

...

This entry is so far from being done crying ; my fingers hurt...

...

Anyways, So we get to the dance, and we pay to get in and I see these people dancing and having a great time! And it looks like Square dancing but... cooler. In my mind I'm thinking "Ho s**t, this is going to be difficult." He turns to me and said something like "Alright... let's go downstairs and teach you some of the basics. So we go into this dark Hallway then into a dark class room and he teaches me random steps such at the "Swing" Which I still kinda suck at, "Ballence" "Gypsy" "Star" "Left circle" ect. And we went back upstairs.

I sat out the first dance as he and his mother danced. I was contemplating running away and hiding in the bathroom. Then the song ended and he came and was all like "Okay, now you HAVE to dance" I resisted only a little at first. He had other people make sure I wouldn't run away. So I was trapped. The dance started and I got really confused at first, then It became less difficult because it's repetitive and you learn the moves quickly. It was so much fun! I ened up worring about nothing and all the men were very helpful at moving me along. After the first dance, I sat out another then sat out the waltz, because... I can't waltz. I think somebody needs to teach me before Prom. Anyways, so he introduces me to his ex-girlfriend who was very... nice. interesting. ect. then asked me to dance again. So I did. the second dance was a bit harder then the first, but it was still fun. I didn't quite get the hang of it until the end.

I like spinning, so Contra Daning is uber fun for me. I think Michele would like it, and so would Micheal if we were still friends. Becca too. I think we should have a Contra Dance at school for a fund raiser. I'll run that by Kendra if I see her. UBER FUN!! *squee*

I was kinda lonely when Jon went off and danced with his Ex, and jealous. But I won't tell him that. I actually had a really bad dream about him and his ex, and he was ignoring me even though I was feeling really depressed about one thing or another then I slapped him which took him out of his obsessed state for a minute, but he quickly went back to Olivia leaving me alone crying. Which I think has to do with my slight doubts on our friendship even though we've never really done anything to make me doubt our friendship. It's just what happens when I really like someone and I'm not sure they like me back the way I like them and I feel annoying and stuff, but it only happens durring my period, so now I feel stupid for feeling that way. Because I know Jon's my friend and he wouldn't ignore me if I had something important to say or if I was... I dunno, crying. Anyways...

It was 11:30 when we left to go home. We got lost for like 10 minutes, then it was smooth not lostness the rest of the way. We listened to CYY and rocked out to some Emo and Funk and Dance. It was great. I hope we do it again soonish.

Sunday was kinda boring. So I'm not going to Bore anyone else with it. But basicly it was I was feeling depressed because of the Dream I had and I felt awkward around Jon because of the Dream I had and it just felt awkward all day. I'ma try not to be so clingy next weekend. *nod*

I'm off to deliver papers. *sigh* Nowish. Then stuff. Later LJ.



<3

V*

I'm so confused. so many thoughts swirling uncontrolably through my mind, I can't focus all I can see is him! I can't focus, all I think is him! I want to scream you're the one! You're the one! You are the one I want to be with, but I can't! You live out in the middle of ********! You left early! I didn't have time! 12:30, all I dream is you. I want to breath you! I want...

I can't focus. This is how I fail, this is how I always fail. First the pain of wanting, then the pain of knowing. Knowing you don't feel the same way, and yet I always smile! I'll always smile! It's how I'm programed! You just can't see how much I'm hurting, wanting to touch your face call you mine. Then It settles into my mind and it's all I'll think about until I'm convinced I'll go mad. Until I know it weill drive me insane. You say you're going insaine, you said I'm probably completely sane, yet crazy. I think you're wrong. I'm already insane, I've already fallen into the blackhole. I'll just keep smile to show you I'm strong and I'll keep living without you. I'll just keep failing. I'll just smile. and fail.

It will never happen. 17 years, and it never has. Everytime. Not one person wants me back. Not a one. Is it my personality? I've changed for so many people, where is V? V is gone! I'm not going to change for you! You can take me as I am. I'm not changing anymore. I almost refuse. Maybe a little? okay I'll change if thats what it takes! Goodbye V, bring it on Virginia, can you take it? Will you change again? No! Not if I don't have to! Don't make me change!

What the hell am I talking about? Everything that's swirling though my mind. Somebody just take me as I am. For smart or for completely dumb. Sain, or completely insain, I can play both... Smileing, or not smileing... Somebody just take me as... me.

"read this and cheer up. smile " Thank You.

What the hell am I saying...? When I'm with you... All I can do is smile, you make me happy. You make me laugh! You make me want to smile! It's not fake at all! You make me forget about all the horrid things swirling through my brain. You make me feel like there is happiness in the world, even when we're talking about whether you're going insane or not. You make me... happy. Just Happy. You make me wish it was friday after sunday is over. Thank you.

Is anyone confused as I am? *giggles*


<3

V*

I had a GREAT. Night.

All by ourselves.

Keep your pwnage to yourself!

MOOB DETECTOR.

...

Poogone!
Big tits
Sexed
Lortax and Boobies!

hmm... other reminders...

DDR Pwnage
Tony Halk Pwnage

...

You pwnage in karate more though.

Finding faces and laying in the dark hallway
Pwning Moob

...

Laughter, Giggles and tons of smiling

Boob grabage durring Ghost in the grave yard. *blink*

*sigh* I think I'm... I dunno. What shall I do?

What shall I do?

...



<3

V*

Mya...Green day in a week and a half... I... must... go... *twitch*

.BASICS.
[ .001. ] first name: Virginia
[ .002. ] middle name: Ellen
[ .003. ] age: 16
[ .004. ] birthday: August 3rd, 1988
[ .005. ] height: 5'3
[ .006. ] hair color: Multicolor
[ .007. ] eye color: Brown
[ .013. ] do you have braces: No
[ .014. ] is your hair long or short: middle
[ .015. ] where were you born: Brunswick
[ .016. ] current location: Brunswick v_v;
[ .017. ] zodiac sign: Leo
[ .018. ] how many languages do you know: English and some Japanese
[ .019. ] straight or curly hair: Straight
[ .020. ] bad habits: I fidget and laugh alot and cling
[ .021. ] piercing you have: Ears and Cartolage
[ .022. ] piercing you want: Meh.
[ .023. ] tattoos you have: Nothing
[ .024. ] tattoos you want: Ima not get into it right now...

. PETS .
[ .028. ] do you have any pets: Yup!

.SCHOOL.
[ .033. ] current gpa: No idea
[ .034. ] favorite grade: umm...
[ .035. ] least favorite grade: 10th
[ .036. ] favorite teacher: Mr Reese
[ .037. ] least favorite teacher: Umm.. Ms. Dublin
[ .038. ] favorite subject: Art!
[ .039. ] least favorite subject: Meh, History
[ .040. ] do/did you buy lunch or bring it: I don't eat lunch
[ .041. ] play any sports on the school's team: No
[ .042. ] do/did you do any extracurricular activities: Art, Creative Clothing, Food Science
[ .043. ] are/were you popular: Meh. I'm a loser
[ .045. ] favorite memory: ^_^ umm... too many, I love my friends
[ .046. ] least favorite memory: v_v disapointing people
[ .047. ] most humiliating moment: umm... I'd rather not talk about it


. FAVORITES .
[ .048. ] number: 13
[ .050. ] shoes: confey ones
[ .053. ] sport: Martial Arts
[ .054. ] vegetable: Corn
[ .055. ] fruit: Peach
[ .056. ] movie: Pirates of the Carribean
[ .061. ] gum: None
[ .062. ] scent: Sakura
[ .063. ] candy bar: Kit Kat
[ .064. ] ice cream flavor: Choco Chip Cookie Dough
[ .065. ] color: Purple
[ .066. ] season: Fall
[ .067. ] holiday: Halloween
[ .068. ] singer: Umm... Manson, Rod, Ami Lee...
[ .069. ] group: I dunno...
[ .070. ] rapper: you've got to be kidding me.
[ .071. ] type of music: 80's music, Rock, Metal, 90s pop
[ .072. ] thing in your room: All my stuff from Japan
[ .073. ] place to be: with my friends
[ .074. ] radio station: 93.9, 102.9
[ .075. ] tv channel: VH1
[ .078. ] store: Leepin' Lizards
[ .079. ] shoe brand: Beats me
[ .080. ] fast food: Pizza?
[ .081. ] restaurant: 99
[ .082. ] shape: Triangle
[ .083. ] time of day: 12 am
[ .084. ] country: Japan
[ .085. ] state: Meh. USA can ******** itself
[ .086. ] boys name: Michael
[ .087. ] girls name: Mary Anne
[ .088. ] mall: Sakurano
[ .089. ] video game: DDR
[ .090. ] shampoo: Meh, something
[ .091. ] board game: Scrable
[ .092. ] computer game: Age Of Empires
[ .093. ] car: MICRO BUS!
[ .094. ] music video: Evanesence - My Immortal
[ .095. ] swear word: Damn
[ .097. ] month: October
[ .098. ] cartoon character: I'd so do Dark Mousy
[ .099. ] scary movie: Scary Movie
[ .101. ] possession: I dunno...

. WHAT COMES FIRST IN MIND WHEN YOU HEAR.. .
[ .102. ] eminem: rap
[ .103. ] dog: chrisy
[ .104. ] hot: summer
[ .105. ] britney spears: Slut
[ .106. ] nsync: AHH
[ .107. ] real world: sucks
[ .109. ] choice: ********
[. 101. ] ********: *censor*
[ .111. ] bisexual: Yay
[. 113. ] icp: eh?
[ .115. ] linkin park: need to die
[ .116 .] in the box: dumb
[ .120. ] shark: owch
[ .121. ] lighthouse: Grand Manan
[ .122. ] bat: rat
[ .123. ] leather: where?
[ .124. ] whip: owch
[ .126. ] water: soothing
[ .127. ] volcano: hot

. THIS OR THAT .
[ .138. ] linkin park or limp bizkit: linkin park (sadly enough)
[ .139. ] tool or korn: korn
[ .140. ] selena or jennifer lopez: Neither
[ .141. ] hot or cold: cold
[ .142. ] winter or summer: winter
[ .143. ] spring or fall: fall
[ .144. ] shakira or britney: Neither
[ .148. ] mtv or vh1: vh1
[ .149. ] buffy or angel: Buffy
[ .150. ] dawson's creek or gilmore girls: neither
[ .151. ] football or basketball: ******** them both
[ .152. ] summer olympics or winter olympics: summer
[ .153. ] skiing or snowboarding: snowboarding
[ .154. ] rollarblading or skateboarding: skateboarding
[ .155. ] black or white: Black
[ .156. ] orange or red: Red
[ .157. ] yellow or green: Green
[ .158. ] purple or pink: Purple
[ .159. ] slipknot or mudvayne: Mudvayne
[ .160. ] hot topic or pac sun: hot topics
[ .161. ] inside or outside: outside
[ .162. ] weed or alcohol: never done weed, so alcohol I guess
[ .163. ] cell phone or pager: Cell Phone
[ .164. ] pen or pencil: Pencil
[ .165. ] powerpuff girls or charlie's angels: powerpuff girls
[ .166. ] scooby doo or din: Scooby Doo
[ .167. ] dragon ball z or pokemon: Pokemon
[ .168. ] star wars or star trek: Star Wars
[ .169. ] tattoos or piercings: Tattoos
[ .170. ] prep or punk: Punk
[ .171. ] slut or whore: Whore. I'ma computer Whore. lol


. PRIVATE LIFE .
[ .172. ] do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend: No v_v
[ .173. ] do you have a crush: Yes
[ .174. ] do you love anyone right now: Yes
[ .175. ] have you ever been in love: Yes
[ .178. ] how many hearts have you broken: None yet
[ .179. ] how many people broke your heart: one
[ .180. ] best quote to sum up love: your half of the love sucks... until you find the right other half to... make... your half... not suck?
[ .181. ] so what is your bf/gf/crush like: well... umm... can I skip this? I fear people may read it, and umm... well... *blush* I think everyone knows anyways.
[ .186. ] do you go by looks or personality: sadly both
[ .189. ] do you smoke: no
[ .190. ] do you smoke weed: no
[ .191. ] ever trip on acid: no
[ .192. ] how about a little: no
[ .193. ] crack, heroin, anything else: no
[ .194. ] beer good or beer bad: beer bad
[ .195. ] are you the sissy who drinks wine coolers: No
[ .196. ] do you like smirnoff ice: No
[ .197. ] prefer beer or liquor: Baily's!
[ .198. ] what kind of cigarettes do you smoke: None


.WOULD YOU EVER .
[ .201. ] bungee jump: No
[ .202. ] sky dive: No
[ .203. ] swim with dolphins: Yes
[ .204. ] scuba dive: Yes
[ .205. ] go rock climbing: Maybe
[ .206. ] eat s**t for $1,000,000: Depends who's it is.. lol no.
[ .207. ] turn your back on your friends for personal gain: NO
[ .208. ] steal a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend: No
[ .209. ] cross-dress: lol sure
[ .210. ] lie to the police: Sure
[ .211. ] run from the police: No
[ .212. ] lie to your parents: Yes
[ .213. ] walk up to a stranger and kiss them: Depends if I'm drunk or not
[ .214. ] be an exotic dancer: lol will I ever get skinny enough to do so?
[ .215. ] walk out of a restaurant without paying: Naw
[ .216. ] streak: lol again with depends how drunk I am

. FRIENDS .
[ .217. ] best friends: Michael, Bekah, Liz, Susan, Lauren
[ .218. ] known longest: Calla
[ .219. ] wish you talked to more: Callista
[ .220. ] wish you saw more: Bekah
[ .221. ] how many friends do you think you have: about 7
[ .222. ] who drives you insane after a while: Sam
[ .223. ] who can you stay around forever and never get sick of: Michael, Liz, Susan
[ .225. ] craziest: Callista or Sam
[ .226. ] loudest: Sam definatly
[ .227. ] shyest: erm...
[ .229. ] can always make you laugh: Mike, Liz, Susan
[ .230. ] best eyes: *thinks about it* Definatly Mike and Liz have the best eyes
[ .231. ] best body: *shrug* I... don't look at them that way, really...
[ .233. ] sex symbol: *shrug* I... don't look at them that way, really...
[ .236. ] shortest: lol Liz
[ .237. ] tallest: Mike
[ .238. ] talented: Either Susan, Calla or Callista
[ .239. ] best singer: Callista


. HAVE YOU EVER .
[ .244. ] flashed someone: No
[ .245. ] told the person you liked how you felt: Yes
[ .246. ] been to michigan: No
[ .247. ] gotten really REALLY wasted: Yes
[ .248. ] gone to jail or juvi: No
[ .249. ] skateboarded: Does Tony Hawk's Pro Skater Count?
[ .250. ] skinny dipped: Yes
[ .251. ] stolen anything: Yes
[ .256. ] gotten into a bar, under-aged: No
[ .258. ] gone on a road trip: Yes
[ .259. ] gone on vacation without adult supervision: No
[ .260. ] been to a concert: Yes
[ .261. ] been to another country: Yes
[ .262. ] talked back to an adult: Yes
[ .263. ] got pulled over: No
[ .264. ] got in a car accident: No
[ .265. ] broken a law: Yes
[ .266. ] given money to a homeless person: No
[ .267. ] tried to kill yourself: No, the cuts were only superficial
[ .268. ] cried to get out of trouble: Yes
[ .271. ] dropped something on the floor that you were cooking and let someone eat it anyways?: Yes

.OPINIONS .
[ .272. ] what do you think...about pop music: 90's pop was alright, everything else...
[ .273. ] about boy bands: need to die
[ .274. ] about flag burning: FUN
[ .276. ] about suicide: well..
[ .277. ] about people who try to force their opinions on you: Need to ******** back off
[ .278. ]about abortion: For
[ .279. ] about rock/metal music: WEE! GOOD s**t!
[ .280. ] where do you think you'll be in 10 years: Hopefully with someone, with a child perhaps... somewhere other then maine *blushy*

.WHAT DID YOU DO .
[ .282. ] last birthday: Canada with Bekah!
[ .283. ] yesterday: School.. bleh.
[ .284. ] last weekend: KC's wedding
[ .285. ] christmas: With Family here
[ .286. ] thanksgiving: Ate Food
[ .287. ] new year's: Hung with Lizzy
[ .288. ] halloween: Hung with Lizzy and Susan
[ .289. ] easter: Mmm.. Chocolate
[ .290. ] valentine's day: *shrug* was lonely

. L A S T .
[ .291. ] thing you ate: Spegetti
[ .292. ] thing you drank: Water
[ .293. ] thing you wore: Skirt and shirt
[ .295. ] thing you got pierced/tattooed: Cartlage
[ .297. ] person you kissed: *shrug*
[ .299. ] person you talked to: on the phone: Michael
[ .300. ] song you heard: I unno...

. N 0 W .
[ .301. ] what are you eating: Nothing
[ .302. ] what are you drinking: Nothing
[ .303. ] what are you wearing: Shirt and skirt
[ .304. ] any shoes on: No
[ .305. ] hair: Medium length
[ .306. ] listening to: Computer Hum

. YES OR NO .
[ .309. ] are you a vegetarian: No
[ .310. ] do you like cows: Yes
[ .311. ] are you a b***h: Yes
[ .312. ] are you artistic: Yes
[ .313. ] do you write poetry: Yes
[ .314. ] are you a fast runner: No
[ .315. ] can you ski: No
[ .320. ] would you eat mac & cheese with hot dogs in it: Yes
[ .321. ] disney creators + acid= "alice in wonderland" ?: Yes
[ .322. ] are you straight: No
[ .323. ] are you stupid: Sometimes
[ .325. ] are you talkative: Yes once I get going
[ .326. ] are you short: v_v yus
[ .327. ] are you tall: Nope

Man... I hate being sick @_@

crying I'm so Very far away from my quest... so... very... very far away... I need donations!!!

Wow, havn't been updating. I've been questing! It's fun! I've already gots my Bani Clips! I'm now on the look out for a cheap Kitsune Mask! Kawaiiness, Here comes V!