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XxStarchildxX
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Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 @ 05:08am

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	Ghost Love So a Song drove me to write this entry, Which is strange because as much as music inspires me it rarely gets me to think in writing, more in images and flashes than words, But back on topic, this song inspired me to write Inspired me to write in hopes that someone will read it, Not to get them angry or to hurt them, because I have desire no in that But so they can finally open there eyes to something extremely important... You see, I have someone I deeply care about, Something like a family member you could say. And that person is hurting...hurting so badly that its begining to hurt me; Now of course, I do not blame this person whatsoever for my pain. Because it isn't their fault, nor is it anyones... We'll call them S-chan. But someone they care about, W-san we'll call this person, seems to be neglecting a certain side S-chan, So much so, because of W-sans own pains, that it is driving S-chan stop feeling the joy that S-chan was so use to having. Now how does this affect me you say? Well, I only hear one side of the story, and I have no control of what both people decide to do... And this, because I care about the person, makes me feel useless. I can't stop S-chan's pain, And that drives me absolutely nuts... S-chan is hurt by love, by themself, by others, and no matter what I say or do, there are no words that I can say to help that person. There is one who can, however The person they care about, W-san But W-san so wrapped up in their own misery that they have completly brushed S-chan off, Even though W-san is there, and hurting, W-sans own misery drives him to get angry when S-chan tries to dig themself out of their misery, is saddened and angered if S-chan enjoys life and forgets about misery. Now since I don't fully know W-sans story, it is very one sided, W-san is very miserable right now for good reasons...but I still stand by the fact that no matter how much misery you go through, you don't drag someone down with you, or get angry with them if they don't pay you attention all the time, Especially when W-san talks more with friends and pays so little attention to S-chan... And W-san complains their being ignored... And S-chan stops eating, Stops sleeping Stops living Can't even go out with a friend without coming back and feeling terrible, like they've abandonned W-san. That is not right to do that to someone you love... And because I can't help S-chan, And S-chan is closer then family, I hurt, I get depressed. I can't make S-chan smile... And I am too far away to go for a walk with S-chan and buy junk food and yell and make them feel better like I have done in the past... Like S-chan has done for me aswell... And since S-chan's love and pain seem to be invisible to W-san, I dedicate Ghost Love by Nightwish to S-chan, Ghost Love We used to swim the same moonlight waters Oceans away from the wakeful day - My fall will be for you - My fall will be for you My love will be in you If you be the one to cut me I`ll bleed forever Scent of the sea before the waking of the world Brings me to thee Into the blue memory - My fall will be for you - My fall will be for you My love will be in you If you be the one to cut me I will bleed forever Into the blue memory A siren from the deep came to me Sang my name my longing Still I write my songs about that dream of mine Worth everything I may ever be The Child will be born again That siren carried him to me First of them true loves Singing on the shoulders of an angel Without care for love n` loss Bring me home or leave me be My love in the dark heart of the night I have lost the path before me The one behind will lead me Take me Cure me Kill me Bring me home Every way Every day Just another loop in the hangman`s noose Take me, cure me, kill me, bring me home Every way, every day I keep on watching us sleep Relive the old sin of Adam and Eve Of you and me Forgive the adoring beast Redeem me into childhood Show me myself without the shell Like the advent of May I`ll be there when you say Time to never hold our love - My fall will be for you - My fall will be for you My love will be in you You were the one to cut me So I'll bleed forever Take Care S-chan, Roachimo

Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 @ 07:08am

7 comments


	Purse-Napper So it all started yesterday when I was getting ready to leave work. Cali and I had had a fantastical time, Fun chats, no customers, etc. etc. And so as I get into the car, I notice I forgot my purse. So I go back in and check... But its not there.... Where did it go? Well we might as well have rapped the store trying to find it. No luck. Go back to Subway where it was the only other place I went to. Not there. Along the street. Not there either. So I was getting all panicky... Which is exactly what I shouldn't have been. And then I got all upset and such. My whole identity was in there, Not to mention my life source...my Epipen... sweatdrop So I was worried, Get to my Moms house and talked to Ryan on the phone. He was worried and told me to calm down. And that it would all work out. Its nice when he does that...but it doesn't always work until everything works out... Anyway I get to work today, and still no sign of my purse. Went and got my bankcard cancelled and got a new one. Talked to the Coppers so I could get a number that would allow me to get my ID's back faster... So I can actually party at the bar with my friends over the holidays... So work kinda sucked, I was in a bad mood, not to mention tired and hungry... And suddenly my Mother calls, saying some Blake guy found my wallet. Just my wallet? Well she gave me a number so my boss let me call him from work. And what do you know, he has my purse, wallet, everything. And he comes into work and gives it all back... And I thank him a couple of thousand times, and he leaves. So then I open my purse up. Everthing is pulled apart, my pictures, papers, receipts, everything. All my cards are there though, and my ID's. The guy said he found it on top of a roof. Almost covered in snow. Weird... I didn't have alot of cash in there.. only $1.25 and maybe 20 cents in pennies... But thats all that was taken, aswell as my Epipen eek Why would someone take an Epipen? Well I figured they could get a quick high off of it if they stuck it in the right place... Its alot of Adrenaline so I guess it could be like Heroine... But it was still super weird. And I don't know if Blake actually found it on the roof. Why would someone, even in rage, throw a purse onto a roof? Wouldn't they throw it out? And who had it before Blake? So weird... Anyway, that was my adventures with the Purse-Napper xd

XxStarchildxX
Community Member

Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 @ 10:49pm

5 comments


	Vampiric Nature So I'm begining to feel more and more like a vampire... Wondering if I'm actually becoming one... Can't sleep until the daylight starts showing at the window, Can't wake up until the sun goes down. Strange isn't it? The only thing that seems to seperate me from Vampires is the lust and need for blood... I haven't exactly had those urges yet...thank goodness... I don't really think I could drink blood. Unless I really had too. Ryan tells me the reason I'm depressed is because of Vitamins the sun gives me, and that people in the North during the Winter when the sun doesn't shine get depressed too. I guess that would make sense...thing is, I'm depressed when the sun shines too... Also he tells me it is absolutely impossible for me to be nocturnal. Why? Because my eyes don't have a certain reflective aspect that nocturnal animals too. He says its Human evolution, its in my genetic code. Really now? Do you know that for sure? Have you seen my genetic code? Nooo. I mean, look at Vampires, They were once human. And they're nocturnal and don't get depressed. Maybe they develop those reflective eye thingys. Do Vampires get depressed? I mean, after a couple hundred or thousand years, you might get bored with a lifetime of drinking blood and killing people. Do you think they want to see the sun? Anyway, I think I am safe until I start needing to drink blood. Until I decide to sink my teeth into Ryans throat. I don't think he'd like that. He might throtle me... Then I will start worrying. I will let you know at that point. xd

Posted: Fri Nov 25, 2005 @ 02:50am

2 comments


	Hehe,stolen from Kaiorin who stole it from Gizmoid who stole it from Lunchable who stole it from Lillico. THREE NAMES YOU GO BY: 1. Roach 2. Star 3. Mooky THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD: 1. XxStarchildxX 2. Nightflower 3. XxBloodRhainexX THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: 1. Lips 2. Hair 3. Feet THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: 1. Eyes 2. Height 3. Hands THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE: 1. Pakistani 2. French Canadian 3. Huron THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU (or mostly creep you out): 1. Zombies 2. Airplanes 3. Dying Alone THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS: 1. Gaia 2. Music/Drawing 3. Ryan THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW: 1. Glasses 2. Pyjama pants 3. Tank Top THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists at the moment): 1. Yuki Kajiura 2. Dune 3. Pachelbel THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT: 1. Key Of The Twilight 2. Nothing Compares 2U (Dune Version) 3. Silent Life THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS: 1. Tango 2. Japanese 3. Tablet Drawing THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given): 1. Trust 2. Companionship 3. Pooky (<33) TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE: 1. I'm slightly psychotic 2. I'm in love 3. I love seafood THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU: 1. Eyes 2. Pooky (<33) 3. Smile THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO: 1. Relax 2. Hang around a Beehive 3. Eat Peanut Butter THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES: 1. Drawing 2. Gaia 3. Singing/Listening and or playing music THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW: 1. Stop hurting 2. Sleep 3. Hug Pooky THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING: 1. Criminologist 2. Translator 3. Fashion Desginer THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION: 1. Hawaii 2. Jamaica 3. Japan THREE KID'S NAMES: 1. Sean 2. Isaac 3. Rhaine THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE: 1. Marry my Pooky 2. See my Father again and give him s**t 3. Do something exeedingly dangerous xd

XxStarchildxX
Community Member

Posted: Fri Nov 25, 2005 @ 02:18am

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	Trapped Within Oneself As I sink deeper inside myself, I wonder... The people who suffer like me, how do they feel? I feel like I'm drowing in my own blood, sinking deeper and deeper into a thick salty liquid that slowly steals my breath, memories and hope... And then I thought, Why don't I write a book? "Trapped Within Oneself" the life of someone dealing with Social Anxiety and Borderline Personality Disorder. So I guess you could say this is what I would put as my introduction. Not that it would be something I would try to publish, but to be able to see my difference in personalities, well moods as they swing throughout the day. Sitting at a computer, mindlessly wanting and needing to do something, yet really not knowing what to do. Trapped within my own feelings of fear and sadness and depression I want to escape so badly. But something holds me back. That I wish I could figure out...but no help has every been able too. So I remain depressed, reliant on those around me, while slowly losing all the nerve and humanity I have gained throughout the years of my life. I stare at this pigstye that is my home and want to clean it. But I can't even bring myself to do so. I used to be able to, laziness some would say. But to me I know it isn't. I can't rip myself away from my sorry shell to be able to do something I want to with all my might. And I don't know why... Ryan asks me, Why are you depressed? Well one is depressed when one can't be oneself... You're not yourself? Well I don't feel like a usually do, I'm not happy like I usually am, I can't eat or sleep and sometimes I can't even breathe. Or at least, my mind leads me to believe I can't breathe. and then I freak out and lose it like some wacked out lunatic, only, I know that I am the lunatic...and that makes me feel worse. I want to be the person that I used to be, the friendly, caring happy person I had become. And no matter how much I smile, no matter how much I feel safe and loved...I'm bitchy, hurting, brooding and depressed. And its slowly torturing me... I'm not the type of person anymore who would hurt themselves in any fashion on purpose...and yet I slowly begin to feel like doing so, for the rush, the excitement...the reassure myself that I am still feeling...that I'm not as empty as it may seem. The smiles are all false, althoug the intention is not... I just wish I could escape... I want to break out of myself. And so I will write, Write until my fingers, hands and arms fall off Write until my mind is turned to mush from staring too long at the bright computer screen Until I fall asleep face first onto my keyboard So all my feelings are tranferred from myself into a series of numbers, information saved in kb's as code on the hard drive and then printed onto several thick smooth pieces of white computer paper. And then cast away in a corner to collect dust for eternity... And so begins my story.

Posted: Wed Dec 29, 2004 @ 08:54am

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	Miseria With the elegance of a thousand noble women The blood of a million dying soldiers And the pain of one broken heart Miseria wanders the world alone a poem I wrote when I was bored...

XxStarchildxX
Community Member

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