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So we all have those horrible little voices that make you doubt yourself and your relationship but mine can get rather loud and unbearable.
I love my Mr and that's what we shall call him here Mr, so constantly doubting everything can really harm a relationship, this current relationship has been my longest yet at 1 year and two months and we had our first argument over me being a paranoid idiot, going through his messages and I didn't find anything BAD just a worry he had about a holiday we were going on and all I saw was RED. The poor guy spent most of the night trying to get me to talk to him and I still wasn't right with him the next day, now I'm going to explain to you how I got myself so worked up over nothing.
I had spent most of the afternoon looking at pictures of his ex GF'f and finding that a fair few of them were A LOT slimmer than me and to be fair I was looking for them for a reason to be upset or to upset myself. Then I spent the better part of that afternoon winding myself up thinking that he was cheating, that he was only with me because he lost a bet and other horrible things like that the hole time him being there in the same room and him having no idea of the s**t storm coming his way (poor guy) he genuinely thought I was just interested in his past.
So then we came to the messages on his phone and he had agreed to let me look to better explain a previous conversation about a girl that really screwed him over in the past, but I didn't stop at that particular conversation I got nosey, looking through his more recent conversations with other girls from the time period of when we started to see each other. The fact that he's friend with girls winds me up but it shouldn't, most of my friends are men, but he was talking to this girl about an issue he had with me that he Never talked to me about so I kicked off big style and then the idiot took the phone off me which made it worse making it look like he had something to hide, we ended up fighting most of the night, the only night we had gotten to see each other in over a week and it really ruined the evening.
The morel of this is if I hadn't wound myself with self doubt and loathing I wouldn't have gotten to the point where I was looking for trouble, we all b***h about the people we love to our friends because some issues are better left unsaid because things work themselves out, I do wish he would be more open to me but baby steps a year might be the longest relationship to me but that just means I'm in a hole new territory and there's so much more to learn about Mr.