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Emotions? Unstable? I still don't fully understand. |
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Ever since I was little words like this one confused me. They cause me emense pain, both in my head and my heart. The children of Suna shunned me, they called me monster, or demon. No one wanted to play with me, I was all alone, just me and my teddy bears.
I over heard someone one day, they said I was unstable. As the little boy I was i didn't understand what they were talking about. Sure the human brain emites emotions that are caused by chemical reactions.... so if when chemicals become unstable doesn't that mean they explode. Did they think my brain was going to explode? xp
I ignored them, they didn't want me around either. So I took my teddy bear and went to the park. Kids were playing.... no one ever asked me if I wanted to play soccer with them. That day I was swinging back and forth on the swing when a boy kicked the ball up on a ledge. I -trying to get them to accept me- used my sand to retreive the ball..... they screamed and ran away. I figured out what they meant by unstable. They didn't mean my brain was going to explode, they meant I was emotionally unstable, or a better word they should have used was unpredictable.
Normally unpredictable emotions wouldn't be a problem, people have mood swings all the time. But in my case, my emotions sort of decided if the people around me lived or died. I don't get it, if peoples lives were that dependant on my emotions, wouldn't you want to keep me happy, instead of submerging me in a living hell.
They didn't even know they had put me there. The lonliness was crushing me, I became even more unstable, void of all emotions. With out emotions, there was nothing left to control the sand, if I felt a twinge of emotion or hatred the sand would attack. I was 'jumpy' so to say, if i got the wrong vibe from a person, i killed them with out regret or a second thought.
I became obsessed with it, it was the only thing the made me feel like I could make a difference so to say. It'd made me feel like I had a purpose, an existnace, like I wasn't just another blip on the radar.
Every time I completed an assassination I was 'happy'. Though I didn't show it it made me glad to get the props when I killed someone to complete a mission. That just fueled my unacceptable behavior, so I killed more people and got more thanks, but then I went to the Chuunin exams.
I met this kid there, Uzumaki Naruto. He was saved from the darkness, by people who cared about him. When I was little I thought i had people that cared about me, that was until I realized my father was trying to assassinate me. I sunk deeper into the darkness. It wasn't until this boy -Naruto- completely kicked my a**, was I able to realize why he was so strong. 'Love'? How could a chemical reaction make some one so strong I didn't understand it.
I only fought for myself, I loved only myself, and I thought that was strength. But this kid he was almost at his limit when his companian -Uchiha Sasuke- began talking to him. His female companian was pinned up against a tree slowly having the life squeezed from her. He was fighting to save her, and he became this completely different person. If I fight for my companian will i become strong like that too?
*sighs* I will never understand true human nature.
 gaara-bear · Tue Apr 17, 2007 @ 08:21pm · 0 Comments |
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