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I've never had the best confidence or selfesteem actually my selfesteem has been extremly low and whenever I say something supid or that I regret saying my confidence jumps down to like -20 million and it usually stays there until there is a little boost of confidence to at least make it up to -19million... I'm surprised that I haven't beaten myself up so much that I've gone to cutting myself. Maybe it's just that I have a little common sense that says don't do that you know it's not risking your dreams that you might achieve just a little bit but it'll give me somethin to live on when I'm older. My friends have more drama and problems than I do but I still beat my confidence extremly low because I have alot of time to think and well usually i reflect my life and there's alot of things I regret and wish i just kept my mouth shut and walked away, but if I did that I would have no friends today and be alone sitting at lunch alone and wishing I was never born and lose every single bit of confidence I have left anyway. I believe though the only things that makes me happy and invisible is that I make them happy and keep my mouth shut unless they pay attention to me. Plus I speak extremly quiet so I'm surprised people can hear me at times. So usually things in my life aren't as great as it is since well I keep beating myself up and can't stop unless well something great happens in my life and I can ignore my life for a good amount of time for like a few days, otherwise I'm back where started beating myself up and really wanting to be in a sanctuary that can make me happy and not reminding me of how much I regret my life.