Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

It's all so nerve wracking and confusing and exciting and scary.
it's all so draining, i'm always tired cause i'm constantly thinking.
my main worry is tony, and where he's going to fit into all this.
he doesn't want anything to do with me, but wants to be in our childs life.
and honestly if he's going to break my heart the way he is, i won't let him sign a birth cirtificate and i'll say its not his, and i'll move out of state and he'll never find me.

i mean really, if he doesn't want to be invovled with me, then i never want to see him again
and in order to do that, well i'd move and handle all this on my own, and he wouldnt pay child support or anything.

id rather him not be apart of any of this, because honestly if he doesnt want to be with me, then i feel it would be better for the child if he wasnt around
because him hating me, will just confuse the hell out of our kid and make it pick sides.

i dont understand him, he says he thought he loved me, but he hates me now cause i lied.
but i think this is so much bigger than all of that, and that we could set it all aside and fix it.

but he won't.

if he doesn't come around for the pregnancy, if he doesnt want a part of this.
if he doesnt want a part of me, my mind is made up.
especially after talking to my family today, my mind is set.

call me a b***h, i dont care.
i feel it's best for myself and my child.

i guess that's it for now, i'll probably be writing a lot over the next 97-8 months