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hey all,

usually my journal has to do with events on gaia that have affected my character and something i write that has to do with a situation my character is in, however this journal will be about me, for any who are wondering why i am not online as much.

well to start off with i have finished my university career for now i have my honors in theater and shall be starting to work for a living. *rolls eyes* oh joy oh bliss. so that is one main reason i have not been on as much.

second is i have a boyfriend whom i met on gaia but we have been together now for some time and well, i love him dearly and we keep eachother busy. so love is taking up alot of time as well.

thirdly i have found that alot of the time i get more frustrated trying to rp on gaia than pleasure out of it. i miss the good ol days of actually have a few paragraphs to read when rping. so if any of my pals are reading this please pm me if you ever wanna rp in my old thread its still kicking and i go there everynow and then thoiugh my character has evolved alot.

and other than that boys and girls i'm taking a year oof to work and get my real life in order and then who knows what, maybe you'll be me on stage or in a movie if all goes well.

thanks a bunch and talk to you later!

Em.

Pieces of me scattered to the winds
Now pulled back together
Willingly coming back their master
Piecing back the empty places deep inside
only to be gone again
but this time it different
freely given into the hand of someone who will take care of them
those pieces now held together with something stronger than fear
stronger than the darkness on those cold lonly nights
stronger than the possible distance between us
and warmer than the fires of hate that fueled my soul before
something soft crept in and repaire tha damages
and the fire os passion reforged a broken heart
and now that heart rests where it belongs
in his hands.

Cool breeze and autumn leaves
Slow motion daylight
A lone pair of watchful eyes
Oversee the living
Feel the presence all around
A tortured soul
A wound unhealing
No regrets or promises
The past is gone
But you can still be free
If time will set you free

Time now to spread your wings
To take to flight
The life endeavour
Aim for the burning sun
You'll be trapped inside
But you can still be free
If time will set you free
But it's a long long way to go

Keep moving way up high
You see the light
It shines forever
Sail through the crimson skies
The purest light
The light that sets you free
If time will set you free
Sail through the wind and rain tonight
You're free to fly tonight
And you can still be free
And going higher than mountain tops
And go high the wind don't stop
And go high
Free to fly tonight
Free to fly tonight

By: Savage Garden

In a season supposedly filled with joy
Everything i thought i cared about
Is taken out of my hands
Torn from my heart
Ripped out of my chest
Then tossed down on the ground
and trod on, like the dirt it was cast in
While my passion, like my blood, flows from my chest
once warm now turns cold
A season of joy, now filled with nothing but tears
tears that are shed in vain
they fall for those who will not listen
and for those who do not care
or those who choose to ingnor
perhaps even those who wish to see them
and see my pain, exposed like the rest of me
and yet i am told it will all be okay
i just need to keep my head up
but i don't want to anymore
i'm so tired of being stonge for everyone else
i'm so tired of having the answers
i'm so tired of being walked on
like i don't have feelings
or at least not ones that really matter
you say i'm cold or distant?
because that's all i have left
its the only way i can survive
i have been made that way
by those who claimed love or acceptance of me
then only used me for what they wanted
or needed from me at the time
i'm sick of it, and i'm not standing for it anymore
and if you have a problem with that
I DON'T CARE.

Pride can stand a thousand trials
The strong will never fall
But watching stars without you,
My soul cried. heaving heart is full of pain,
Oh, oh, the aching.

'cos i'm kissing you, oh.
I'm kissing, oh.

Touch me deep, pure and true¡­
Gift to me forever.
'cos i'm kissing you, oh
I'm kissing you.

Where are you now?
'cos i'm kissing you
I'm kissing you, oh, oh

looking in one direction
focus on moving forward
but everything is pulling
tugging at my limbs
telling me to go here
do this and do that
"talent is what you have, use it
brilliance is what you can achieve
reach for it
don't worry about me
leave me behind
i am not worth your time in the first place"
is that what you have to say to me?
because i can reach some beautiful thing?
because i strive to make myself better?
you are now unworthy of my company?
of my love, and my companionship?
how dare you say such things?
you cannot measure your worth to someone else
only your worth to yourself.
what if i told you, you where the one thing that kept me sane
because your the only one not trying to please me?
you drive me insane with how you act
but i love you for those moments
though i may hate you at the time
please, don't judge yourself unworthy
simply because there are some things i can do that you can't
so what? who cares?
you have many talents my friend.
and for that, perhaps i am not worthy of you?
please don't leave me...
because you feel lower than myself
because the truth is...
I hold YOU above everyone else.
believe me, you are worthy
a thousand times worthy.

To ask and have an answer
Why me? Why must you ask me
I don't know as much as you think i do
I don't have an answer for your problems
This is what i'm trying to get out of
I don't want to be your crutch
I don't want to be the one you lean on
I am tired of holding everybody else up
Just let me be
Why won't you let me be and do what i want
I give you the advice you need to hear
But then when i ask for help
I am being selfish
This doesn't make sense to me
How is it no one understands this point?
I have problems to you know
I wish i had someone to talk to who could tell me
Tell me what to do
Who to turn to
Where to go
But no, intead i help others
And loose myself in the process

I am the son
And the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular

You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way ?
I am human and i need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

I am the son
And the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
Oh, of nothing in particular

You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way ?
I am human and i need to be loved
Just like everybody else does

There's a club, if you'd like to go
You could meet somebody who really loves you
So you go, and you stand on your own
And you leave on your own
And you go home, and you cry
And you want to die

When you say it's gonna happen "now"
Well, when exactly do you mean ?
See i've already waited too long
And all my hope is gone

You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way ?
I am human and i need to be loved
Just like everybody else does