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So at the end of July my step-mom walked out on us. I know some of you are thinking big, deal she was just your step-mom. But I trusted her for nine years! That means I was 11, that is nine years of her playing a part as a rolemodel in my life. For the first two weeks I was just crying, then I was confused... now I'm stil l confused... angry... So many things rolled into one. She won't talk to me. You know just before she left i baked her a birthday cake at 11 pm... so it would be fresh when she and dad returned, bought her the new harry potter book. I felt so betrayed.
I still do. I don't feel like me anymore I feel angry and depressed. When I become frustrated I end up crying, because suddenly my happy shield is broken. I hate that. I'm suppose to smile but it just so hard to be all that. I can't just let it go. I want her to be there... I really wanted her to be. She promised she would. I wish her the best. I just need something stable. My home life is kinda crumbling. She put us in major debt, my step-dad's boss cut his pay. It makes me worry. I'm such a worry wort.
It isn't to say I'm always sad, I'm just more upset than usual. I'm normally a calm person (Don't go rolling your eyes, at home I'm the oldest I don't get to be babied) I'm so drawn away from everything, so bitter. I hate it! I hate it! I can't stand it! Everything feels heavy! I just want it to go away... just to wake up and everything to be okay.
I could never trust her again. None of us can. We were hurt so baddly when she left... I trusted her. She is only human, but she can't run away! She has problems, but so does everyone! Everyone has something they are trying to work through.
I want to be happy again, truely happy. I want to continue being that little bright spot in peoples lives. I like being that, I like seeing others smile. I need others to happy so I can be... I need to be happy myself so that I can smile...
 Arana · Tue Oct 30, 2007 @ 03:20am · 2 Comments |
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Have you ever noticed that the things we want most in the world, are the things that are the most difficult for us to obtain. Maybe that is why they are dreams, because if they were easy then why would we need to dream about them.
Where am I going with this? Maybe I don't even know... Hehe.. -^.^-
Arana · Thu Feb 08, 2007 @ 08:53am · 1 Comments |
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(This is from an rp I'm in. I would like to rewrite this sometime and add in alot more detail. I always feel horrible in rps if I had too much detail of the sexual sort.))
Almaria tossed the rabbit carcass to the ground with a disgruntled look. That had no where near satisfied her hunger. Prehaps she should have gone for that lizard man... but he wasn't anything she wanted. He wasn't pretty or even human looking, his scales had felt strange... Nothing she wanted for her first meal.
By now she had, had several small animals while she wondered, but found it did not thrill her. She was now getting use to her senses, and the world seemed so much more lovely than she remembered it... so much more sound. She continued to pass through the forest area, not trailing too far away from her 'father'.
Jacques stirred the flames of his small fire, a traveling minstrel he had found himself very lost. He believed he had made the right choice to go around the iron forest, but it had severely thrown him off track. The entire place had an eerie feeling to it... and he would much rather be in the next town with a local girl warming his bed. A smile spread across his rougish face as he began to dwell over the thought of a young woman... so much that he was starting to hear a woman's voice now.
The woman's voice was singing chords of a wordless song, perhaps slightly out of the tune but still pleasing to the ears... alluring. He shook his head. There is no way a woman would be here alone. If there was a woman here she would be with a lover or a husband. No way would there just be some woman walking through here singing... but the sound was growing louder, he swore it sung out his name and that is when she stepped in.
He had never seen a woman that jaw dropping beautiful before, her type of beauty screamed Femme fatale. Long honey blonde hair drapped over her shoulders, partially in front of pale face. She was... she was like some sort of unearthly beauty. Her lips curved into a smile and he suddenly noticed he was staring. He coughed quickly looking away and suddenly found his tongue tied... he was a bard he should be use to wooing women, but this one had him speechless. He looked back to the woman and she was watching him with her dark brown eyes smiling shyly.
"You know it is rather cold over out here... all alone.." She looked away now hugging her arms close to her body... just underneath her breast. Those eyes of her's flicked back to him looking him over yet again.
"Ah..cough, forgive my manners, I just hadn't expected to find anyone else out. Expecially not such a lovely creature as yourself." He patted the ground next to him watching as she crossed over with that sway in hips. She sat nearly untop of him, their legs brushing. He knew right then if he could get her to the next town it wouldn't take him too long to get her into his bed...
Ten minutes later he found her intentions were not even till the next town... only instead of being ontop he found himself below her the long blonde hair drapping over both of them. Her upper legs had a firm grip on his waist as their lips met and parted, his hands discovering what her clothed body felt like... wondering what it would feel like unclothed. He had commented on how cold she felt when they first kissed, she had only smiled kissed even more deeply whispering then into his ear, 'Why don't you warm me up.'
Her lips moved down to his neck now... and suddenly there was this sharp pain. She bit him? Jacques made a small grunt trying to move, but her small arms had him pinned down. He suddenly realized he had no name to call her to tell her to stop. He could feel her sucking away at his neck than stopping... kissing again. Was it just him or was she feeling warmer. So aroused was he by this strange creature that he didn't think to stop what they were doing. So they continued and he started to get use to to the sudden bites on his skin and the coppery taste on her lips. Even as he grew weaker he just wanted her to continue....
Arana · Thu Jan 25, 2007 @ 08:45am · 1 Comments |
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Real life as always has been hectic, I'm sure if I beat it with a stick though it my pause for a moment and have a cup of tea.
So my imagination has been all over the place. Past, present, near off future I have characters for it. I actually started sorta working on this super hero type story only being the person I am I would mostly be focusing on how these people deal with it. Being a super hero can't be easy, saving the world, paying for rent, now let's add in the fact you boyfriend is a villan... but that's okay because his hot and has wings so as long as he doesn't hurt anyone you won't turn him in.
When I started writing it, it was more or less me making fun of superheroes, but then it got a does of the drama and once you get a taste of drama there is no going back. On the bright side none of my characters have gone emo yet! Yay!
The only one problem with writing this one is, how to write it. I don't feel like I can write it novel style. First person and third person don't work how I want them to for it. There also alot of little things, people around that I want them to notice but I don't want to blantly through them in their face by screaming "LOOK! SO-AND-SO IS HERE!!" That just isn't classy, it would work wonders if I could actually draw because I really love these character... Okay I really love all my characters to a strange point, my evil people even more so.
On the downside I have two really well developed characters and some character who need to be worked on more. Mainly my evil people, I hate just having straight forward evil people. "Oh look at me I'm evil and I like to hurt things." Yeah those evil people totally aren't cool, I want them to have a reason.
I do sorta have the first story line worked out for it, but there is just some things I'm wondering if I should take longer to develope. Like my main hero and her sister (Well my main character is adopted) Anyways my main hero has powers and her sister doesn't, they are really close... but I want that little bit of envy residing there and I want it to build up and then have her go all evil and get powers. (There is actually more to that but I would have to explain the powers thing)
Okay as for the powers... So the government (yeah I know all good things start with the government) had this special program with gentically altered babies and instead of keeping them in a secure enviroment they put them out in the real world. Why you ask? Well they wanted to observe how these children would grow. There would certainly be a chance that as these kids grew and found out about their powers that they would take advantage of them. How are you going to keep track of a group of college students... why create a college designed to watch them without them knowing... sure they have their powerless students there, but mostly everyone has some sorta little power, it is just that no one is talking.
My main character is an expection, she has powers but she wasn't one of these test subjects. Her sister is suppose have powers, but nothing seems to be showing.. Oh my!
Here are my characters so far, no last names yet because I'm lazy.
Miranda, main character, she is very unsure of herself some of the time and looks to her sister for support. Coming from a small town she really didn't have to use her powers other than for little things, so she doesn't come ot college with an alter ego. Her superhero name is still in the works because I really can't think of anything awesome for it. Basically her power is creating things. Originally she could only create mytholigical creatures, but sorta liked the idea of just using her mind to create things, which she does wonderfully. Her weakness is are the fact she has no amazing strength or speed to protect her... so head on head fights with other superheroes aren't her thing. The truth about her, she is an alien! Oh my! Her alien spirit is possessing the body of a girl who died with her parents in an automobile accident. Her vessel crashed on the earth were she spent three years playing with the little girl in spirit form when she was still alive. They can do out of body stuff leaving their bodies behind... her's was strapped in her vessel and she wanted to play. So when the car crashed she didn't want to lose her friend, still being a child herself she took over the body and completely forgot who she was. Most her memory is in shambles and the only powers she has left over from her previous life is the one to create things.
Lily, Miranda's adopted sister, she is the life of the party and rarely brings up her troubles. Nearly the same age as Miranda the two are basically best friends. While Miranda spends her time saving the world and barely having a social life, Lily is trying to experience it all. She is prone to getting crushes, but normally doesn't have enough confindence in herself to follow through. Something I can't wait to slowly develope. Lily envies her adoptive sister for her powers secretly at some points hating her.
Chris, he is basically superman only he is sorta a jock. I'm not really sure what to do with him, I have some small ideas but he is so much a flirt.... Due to being a superhero he, like Miranda, avoids dating. They sorta start thinking your cheating when you have to suddenly leave to go save the world.
Max, my sexy winged villan/hero, he battles his crush on Miranda and his evil nature. His sorta a kleptomanic but he always gives it back. He provides alot of insight on the powers and starts out looking like a good guy. He is also Roland's old friend from highschool. I really like the relationship between Miranda and Max it is all like I want to kiss you, but were on different sides. When I'm working on them I like to listen to Holding out for a Hero by Jennifer Saunders (Shrek 2) His one of those guys who can twirl a girl on a dance floor and turn her world upside down. I got this great scene in my head with them dancing in a sorta waltz style, but he likes to twirl. It is understandable why any girl would want him.
Roland, Miranda's starting love interest. In the beginning I really wanted to put these two together, but then Max came in. Anyways I kept him as a starting love interest and as someone who continues to be interested in her even when his pissed off at her. Roland has a twin named Mekio who isn't too close to, and is close friends with Max. He has had problems with girls cheating on him in the past so when Miranda starts disappearing before they start dating... and there is when Chris kisses her and he finds out. Well he quickly goes into rebound mode and dates this nameless girl who I'll just call Veronica right now. He is sort emo sometimes with his whole woe is me thing and makes himself into a loner. Don't worry he developes into an awesome guy.
Mekio, Roland's twin. Mekio is the opposite of her brother, very much outgoing and spastic. She has the power of fire and is something of a pyromanic, but she is still a good guy. She is the person you go to if you need to smile, but that always puts a strain on her... but she doesn't talk about that. She is very much an interesting character in that she has my personality and I want to do more with her. She really isn't interested in dating so much. She also happens to be a character I've had for years and is sorta punkish in how she dresses.
Claire, she is a popular girl who doesn't feel all to comfortable with the role. She is a blonde bombshell wit hthe power of speed and lightening, but does not interact with her power so much as she feels it will completely alienate her from the rest of the world. Originally she was going to be something of a b***h, but as I took a closer look at her I saw that she was no where near that. She is vey atheletic and somewhat tall, she is also an old friend of Chris. I really want to develope her alot more.
Okay that's all I have for now. My other characters I'm not even sure about.
Arana · Mon Jan 22, 2007 @ 06:54pm · 0 Comments |
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Dance the Pas de deux. A quick poem. |
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How will you dance through life?
Can you continue to move
from
girl to
girl?
Do you continue
to fill her up with hope?
How many will you leave to dance alone?
Will you do the same with me?
Won't you stay and
Continue to dance the Pas de deux with me?
Lift me up
Twirl me around,
I am yours.
Let us bare our hearts to the world.
Let us not fear what will come,
Let us not fear heart break
Let us not fear commiment.
For now let us dance,
hand in hand,
Lift me up,
Twirl me around
Dance the Pas de Deux with me.
Arana · Fri Apr 28, 2006 @ 08:59pm · 1 Comments |
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Well everything has been really, really busy lately.
My baby brother was born on Feb. 1. The cutest little boy you will ever see and easy to calm down. He will be one month old this Wednesday That now gives the family two girls and two boys
I have to go testify against the guy that was in my car. To tell you the truth I am more frightened of speaking infront of a large amount of people than the man.
Sooo.. much stuff is going on that I havn't had time to rest. I am going to dog sit again this weekend. I love being responsible. People hire me for things like this and I get paid well.
Arana · Mon Feb 27, 2006 @ 04:14pm · 0 Comments |
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Miranda Nightingale (Oh my ******** god I actually finished) |
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This is a profile for my favorite elven bard... jester I should say. An evil person for this rp I am in... She isn't too bad... just worships the Goddess of Chaos. No harm in playing music to mess with people's feeling's, right?
Gaia-name: Arana
Name: Miranda Nightingale
Age: Equivalent to 24 elven years
Race: High Elf
Appearance: She stands about 5'5", with a body in pefect balance with her delicate figure. There are no blemishes or freckles on her lovely face. Her features are sharp and with high cheek bones. Her eye a deep blue-green, almond shape and slanted. She has this look she likes to give people, to make them nervous. It is a look that makes you feel like she can look into you mind and see you deepest secret. And that smile that curves her full lips makes it even worse. For a woman born of nobleity her clothing is simple, a deep green tunic. While the outfit style is simple the its cloth is both durable and fine to the touch. She also wears deep brown pants tucked into her leather boots. Her mandolin is strapped to her back and is easily removed. On her belt is a dagger, short sword, pan pipes, and a simple reed flute. Now there is more to her than meets the eye.
Being one of the few who can hear the goddess of Chaos' wishes Miranda has a few markings. Her back is almost completely inked in a chaos of swirls It is mostly center around her mid back with a few swirls that reach down to her tail bone. While the goddess of Chaos cult is not widely known those markings are at least some what known for being the center of trouble. No one has ever seen those markings besides other followers.
Personality: She is one one of those women who you can never quite clearly see what she is up to or what mood she is in. While in the part of a bard she is cruel tongued with a light smile almost always hovering over her lips. Every movement she makes seems to annoy. But since she was born a life of riches she is also a bit of a snub in her. She looks down on people who are of lower class, such as Feryal.
Weapons: Dagger and short sword. As well as her music mixed with her magic.
History: Born into noblity to two proud elven parents, Miranda's life was easy. The town she was born in, Opium, housed a great number of master artist. Their trades varied from music, to art, and writing. Now her mother and father were friends with a cousin of the King, Prunella and her husband Beniot. This husband and wife housed what was said to be the worlds greatest artist an elven woman by the name Emalia. Emaila taught the young girl how to draw and also different ways to view the world.
Miranda was a different child than most of the other children and never really enjoyed to play with them. She only played with Prunella's only child, Benedict. When she was coming into womanhood Emalia disappeared after a night where truths were revealed. The young painter turned out to be a demon in disguise and when revealed the woman fled. This did not change Miranda much, but her playmate, who had admired the older woman, changed. The boy held a hatred for Demons and while none of this mattered to Miranda she sometimes found Benedict intolerable.
It was then when she went all alone that she could hear a woman speak to her. A lovely voice that sometimes spoke in riddles and teases. A voice that told her wear to go once she came of age. A place where true power could be found.
And so the year she came of age she made her descion. She turned down Benedict's propsal of marriage and left the same day with a fair amount of money and a letter for her mother and father.
In the cult she quickly rose up in it's ranks and when the time came she left on her first mission. It was just after the King's death in which the noble woman appeared. Dressed in the loose fitting noble clothes of the elves, with her new markings on her back just finished.. and there she offered to help King Zurrath destory the guardians. All the while she listened to her Goddess instructions on what was to be done.
((I'm going to keep on working onthis. The history is going to be fairly long because she was born in one my favorite towns I made up))
Her intro into the rp. i'm copying the description from this little thing and adding on the details that are needed.
V
There was light laughter that stopped her mid thought. Famliar laughter that sent a shiver down her spine, "Well, well Feryal, having trouble?" an elven woman stepped out of the shadows. The woman stood a couple inches taller than her self with lithe, alluring body. Golden blonde ching length hair curled out wards, except for the bangs that framed her lovely face curling intowards her smirking lips. Her slanted dark blue-green- eyes held a certain amount of teasing light in them, with beauty mark beneath her left eye. The woman wore light leather armor over her deep green tunic. Deak leather pants covered her fair skinned legs, the pants were tucked into her boots. From the Mandolin resting on her back and the panpipes on her belt she was a bard of some sort. To those who knew her well enough, they would know her music could cause chaos and confusion. She spent her time plaing with others feelings with a simple tune. She also carried a light cross bow and a short sword
Arana · Tue Jan 24, 2006 @ 02:58am · 2 Comments |
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Most of time I'm happy, but other times I just start trying and I can't stop. It still hurts so much. I just don't know anymore, I just don't know anymore.
Arana · Sat Jan 21, 2006 @ 08:01am · 3 Comments |
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