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Not Again...Here We Go! Will it ever end? I just am curious. To date, let's see... I have an entire floor who hates me, for no fault of my own. They just do. None of them will speak to me. When I get sick, I am left to my own devices, despite the number of times I am there for them. Tonight they are drunk and I should totally be like, screw you, I'm tired of taking care of you. But I'm gonna have to wait up to check that they are okay and get to bed alright, and then check in the morning to make sure they are okay. They'll be fine. And they're drunk, so they'll forget everything I did for them, once again. I can't just let them be, though, or I'd feel guilty when something did end up happening. Which, if you think about it, is totally unfair. I have a friend on here going through tough s**t with an ex, and I wish I could do something for her, but she won't listen to what I or my brother say about her ex. She needs to get out of the situation and she needs to work on putting back together her own life before even considering setting up a relationship. She's threatened suicide, which scares me. I've already had one friend die. I can't go through that again. I suppose I've had more than one, but I've had at least one friend who was close to me die. I can't go through that. My bf is out of town, which means I don't have him to turn to and cry on. He isn't here to hold me when I fall asleep crying, as I did last night. Because my mother is mad at me and says I've been lying to her and playing her for the fool and such, and I dont know what I've done, but I just want it to all stop. I'm stressed, I'm tired, and no one cares. At least no one around here. I could disappear and no one would remember me. My bf might, but when I am this depressed, somehow I manage to convince myself that with time even he wouldn't care. Which is a lie. I just wish I knew how he really felt about me. I just want him to know how much I love him. How much I want to protect him from any of the pain I've gone through. How much he's helped me and how lost I was before without him. But my mother doesn't like that I am dating one person and she won't like me staying with him for so long, since that will lead to the fact that I could be missing out on other opportunites. I just wish there was a way to know. I wish there was a way to know exactly what he wanted and felt without any fear of being deceived. I just want him, always and forever. Maybe I'm deceiving myself. Maybe I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. I don't know. I love him. I really do. I really mean it. I love him as a friend...and I love him as more. What have I gotten myself into??? I never want to leave his arms...ever. (I welcome any comments in this journal and would love if you take the time to read some of the back posts and leave some comments, since this has been an on-going saga for a while now...I really could use someone who will read through each thing and leave me comments from the beginning...)

Posted by: wilderness.magic Sun May 29, 2005 @ 06:38am

[img:3eeaa78306]http://i.picasion.com/pic38/21c9c2f4b4223d5b1c0f9bdebc00613a.gif[/img:3eeaa78306][/align:3eeaa78306]

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dark_grave
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Commented on: Sun May 29, 2005 @ 07:38pm


	song,storys.i want to do that sound nice

Commented on: Wed Jun 01, 2005 @ 03:10pm


	u type alot exclaim

misskittyclaws104
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bobfunck65
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Commented on: Thu Jun 02, 2005 @ 07:21am


	That is rough diane, but before you worrie about your nieghbors. You should take care of your self, and those situations in your life. So you live alone on a floor of people who hate you, yet you take care of them. Your a good girl, and it just sucks that all this had to happen to you.

Commented on: Fri Jun 03, 2005 @ 10:06pm


	dark_grave: Um, right. Want to do what? misskittyclaws104: Check out some of my other entries...but was that supposed to help? bobfunck65: Aww, thanks. You sound just like my bf... Thank you.

wilderness.magic
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jene-chan
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Commented on: Tue Jun 21, 2005 @ 03:29pm


	You know what your a great person you live alone and help ppl in your building that don't like you. It just shows that your such a great person and always do the right thing no matter what ppl think of you. You don't need to be focusing on other ppl's problems all you need to do is focus on your life and fix the problems your going through to make things better. Then if you have the time after your problems are solved then help others. I am so... sorry that had to happen to you.

Commented on: Sat Jul 02, 2005 @ 12:14am


	jene-chan: Thank you. You sound like my bf. I can't let things happen and not do something to help though. If something bad were to happen I would never be able to forgive myself.

wilderness.magic
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sweet_child_o_mine
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Commented on: Mon Jan 16, 2006 @ 10:43pm


	yeah none of this deserves to be happening to you at all...but soon your boyfriend will be back and you'll have someone to hold you and listen to your problems, and help sort them out. your mom won't be mad for long, if you explain that you're sorry even though you don't know what you did. If you want to date one person instead of sleeping around every night, then you are a much better person! You don't deserve to have all those people hate you, because you are so nice to them. But life is funny like that sometimes...well goodluck, and I hope everything straightens out some... 3nodding sweatdrop

Commented on: Tue Mar 28, 2006 @ 08:37pm


	Wow, I can't even imagine living like that. You are such a kinder person than me, I would drop the lot of them if they treated me like that. And I thought my mom took my boyfriends badly. Do what your heart says, not your mom. Parents can be wrong sometimes too.

Silent Comet
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P r i t t y C u p C a K e
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Commented on: Fri Sep 15, 2006 @ 12:42am


	wow.. i think i understand what your going through., in a way. I have a brother named chris, and he once almost died aswell.. he was going through alot of pain... this happend 11 years ago when i was four.. chris lived in ontario at the time, and there was this guy named murray who hated chris's best friend because he had caught him around his neice. one day chris and his friend were hanging out with a couple other people, they were standing behind a building having a ciggarette and they seen a truck coming from the distance.. as the truck drove by, they seen murray.. he was just looking at them to see who was there as he drove by. Chris and his buddy's finished there ciggarette and starting walking away.. then they heard an engine rev up, they heard a car coming FAST, they looked behind them and seen the truck coming back.. STRAIGHT AT THEM.. so they started to run.. but they just couldnt run fast enough... Chris's best friend was killed.. the rest took off. my step father got a phone call from the hospital telling him to come to ontario right away.. because they didnt think chris was going to live must longer... he was so devistated and messed up from watching is best friend be killed... he tried to kill him self... he took as many drugs as he could get his hands on.. he slit himself in so many places.. he was a reck! but somehow i dont know.. not even the doctors were expecting it.. he survived.. hes alive today in wingom ontario with his girlfriend. i actually remember seeing him in the hospital, but just barely because i was so young.. it was so horrible.

Commented on: Fri Sep 15, 2006 @ 12:43am


	and the worst thing is... murray had only gotten 4 years of jail.. he had managed to convince the judge that it was an accident.. that he was drinking and didnt see him or something.. i cant remember exactly what was told to me.. and something else that lowerd his jail time.. cant remember... Chris is real pissed right now.. not only is murray free.. but he is now engadged with chris's mother.

P r i t t y C u p C a K e
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P r i t t y C u p C a K e
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Commented on: Fri Sep 15, 2006 @ 12:46am


	my life isnt so pleasent either diane.. he he i like that name my middle name is diana heart iv seen, and been around tomany deaths.. it kills me thinking about it.. i too have almost died a few times.. drugs.. alcohol.. and my mother was constantly severly beating me.. she started when i was two.. so they sent me away to foster care.. i was being beaten with a belt at the age of three.. by my foster parents, Tom and Linda.. the rest of the foster homes i was in were ok.. some got angry alot but never used violence.. when i was 5, they put me back with my mother up until i was 8.. same thing,, beaten very badly!.. took knifes up to me.. said i did things i didnt do and if i told her i didnt she would beat me.. she would make me sleep in the hall of the apartment building at times.. she would throw me out in blizzereds in my pajamas.. and would not let me sleep on school nights. if she couldnt sleep.. i wasnt aloud to sleep.. she would wake me up and make me stand in the middle of the room all night.. and she would just sit there on the rocking chair having a cup of tea. she once forced me to eat out of the garbage.. this is between the age of 5-8.. she spilled scaulding hot water on me.. tried to drowned me in the tub.. dumped the bathroom garbage on my bed.. with her dirty pads and snot rags.. she once came into my room with a jar of maoniase with a spoon.. dont ask me why shock .. and started shoving it in my mouth... forcing the spoon so far back and so hard it would cut the back of my throught and cause it to swell and bleed. it was so horrible

Commented on: Fri Sep 15, 2006 @ 12:47am


	iv actually got alot of mental issues of my own because of my past.. perinoya.. fear.. anger.... i even get violent.. i try my best not to take it out on people.. so i end up breaking thinks...ya know when your angry you actually gett a little stronger for that piont of time.. i picked up the kitchen table and threw it across the kitchen, because of BS that was going on in the house... i get constant head aches.. bad dreams(past memories)... i am normally very anti social.... etc..etc.. so in a way i think i understand what your going through.. diane i really hope things get better for you... i still have hope.. because one day ill be on my own.. and i will have nothing to do with my family.. there will be noone there to cause me any stress.. and i will be able to calm down.. i will start a whole new life somewhere else.. and live in peace.

P r i t t y C u p C a K e
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Starluvr
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Commented on: Fri Dec 29, 2006 @ 02:27am


	Ok, i never thought I would hear from someone that their mother would rather they have a lot of relationships and such... well maybe I'm exaggerating.. but it sounds like she wants you to get with more guys.. i never thought mothers would encourage you to have more boyfriends.. though I guess she just wants you to have more choices.. but still... Sometimes, parents don't really understand, and they can't always be right.. so just.. follow your heart 3nodding

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