Hmmmm... This isn't good!!! Kevin found out that I like him!!! Grrr!!! AND I FREAKIN' SIT NEXT TO HIM IN PERSONAL CHOICES NOW!!! >.< Uh oh... Lolz... Hmmm... My jaw hurts for some strange unknown reason... o.O I want an iPod... Uhhh... I want a hamster too... XD
My jaw still hurts... Grrr... Kevin will be gone for a week, he is going to his moms house I guess... I still need to give Kevin at least 10 dollars... Since that's what he wants for Christmas... He needs it to get his car running... Which he DOES need to do... Then he can drive me and Alyssa to school next year!!! Lolz... Which will be hard for him since Alyssa's house is out of the way, since she lives in Wilkeson... XD
Hmmm... I sad... And mad... I'm mad at Devon right now... Now that I think about it... I really haven't talked to him since he broke up with Jessi... So not cool... But he made me so fricken' mad!!! When I REALLY REALLY NNNNEEEEDDDDEEEEDDDD to talk to someone... The only two people that I wanted to talk to at that moment were Devon and Jessi...
At least Jessi answered once or twice... But Devon never did... I seriously wanted to fricken' kill myself... And Alyssa, if you're reading this... STOP READING MY JOURNAL ENTRIES!!! Lolz... Uhhh... Oh yah!!! Anyways... I needed to talk to him about something really important... And I mean really important... It's too late now... But I was so depressed, I cried ALL, and I mean litterally ALL of, Saturday I think it was... And then I cried myself to sleep... And now I've been recovering...
My life litterally shattered into pieces... I couldn't think straight... I REALLY LITTERATLY WANTED TO KILL MYSELF... So I kept having to tell myself... 'Micaela, you KNOW that the normal you NEVER changes their mind about something that serious, and you made up your mind that you wouldn't, and just couldn't kill yourself...' And talking to Jessi helped ALOT... She probrably won't ever know how much she really helped me...
But I really didn't know anything anymore... I thought that EVERYONE hated me, and that everyone was just hiding the fact that they really hated me... And that I have no life, with no friends, with no family, with no mind, and at that point, no will power... And for me, that's pretty much impossible... Yah I'm EMO... So what??? I probrably have a better grip on reality than anyone else I know... Besides a few people... Maybe... XD
But like I said before, I'm still recovering... I'm slowly telling myself what I do and don't think... What I feel... What I want and need... And I just don't know... All I know is that I'm scared... And one of the three people that could've saved me at that moment... Weren't there... And they haven't been here since after they broke up with Jessi... I hate it...
I'm tired of feeling sick... I'm tired of not getting mad at people anymore... I'm tired of it!!! Hmmm... If only I could talk to somone right now... But it's too late for anyone to call my house... And I doubt anyone would answer the phone if I tried to call someone... I've only talked to Kevin today... Alyssa SAID that she'd call me... T.T But she never did... Lolz... Jk jk... Izz okay Alyssa... ^.^
Oskies... I'm done I guess... I'm just so confuzed right now... I don't know anything right now... I just wanna feel better... I'm still scared and I just don't know what to do at all... >.< P.S. My avi pwns you all!!! XD
My jaw still hurts... Grrr... Kevin will be gone for a week, he is going to his moms house I guess... I still need to give Kevin at least 10 dollars... Since that's what he wants for Christmas... He needs it to get his car running... Which he DOES need to do... Then he can drive me and Alyssa to school next year!!! Lolz... Which will be hard for him since Alyssa's house is out of the way, since she lives in Wilkeson... XD
Hmmm... I sad... And mad... I'm mad at Devon right now... Now that I think about it... I really haven't talked to him since he broke up with Jessi... So not cool... But he made me so fricken' mad!!! When I REALLY REALLY NNNNEEEEDDDDEEEEDDDD to talk to someone... The only two people that I wanted to talk to at that moment were Devon and Jessi...
At least Jessi answered once or twice... But Devon never did... I seriously wanted to fricken' kill myself... And Alyssa, if you're reading this... STOP READING MY JOURNAL ENTRIES!!! Lolz... Uhhh... Oh yah!!! Anyways... I needed to talk to him about something really important... And I mean really important... It's too late now... But I was so depressed, I cried ALL, and I mean litterally ALL of, Saturday I think it was... And then I cried myself to sleep... And now I've been recovering...
My life litterally shattered into pieces... I couldn't think straight... I REALLY LITTERATLY WANTED TO KILL MYSELF... So I kept having to tell myself... 'Micaela, you KNOW that the normal you NEVER changes their mind about something that serious, and you made up your mind that you wouldn't, and just couldn't kill yourself...' And talking to Jessi helped ALOT... She probrably won't ever know how much she really helped me...
But I really didn't know anything anymore... I thought that EVERYONE hated me, and that everyone was just hiding the fact that they really hated me... And that I have no life, with no friends, with no family, with no mind, and at that point, no will power... And for me, that's pretty much impossible... Yah I'm EMO... So what??? I probrably have a better grip on reality than anyone else I know... Besides a few people... Maybe... XD
But like I said before, I'm still recovering... I'm slowly telling myself what I do and don't think... What I feel... What I want and need... And I just don't know... All I know is that I'm scared... And one of the three people that could've saved me at that moment... Weren't there... And they haven't been here since after they broke up with Jessi... I hate it...
I'm tired of feeling sick... I'm tired of not getting mad at people anymore... I'm tired of it!!! Hmmm... If only I could talk to somone right now... But it's too late for anyone to call my house... And I doubt anyone would answer the phone if I tried to call someone... I've only talked to Kevin today... Alyssa SAID that she'd call me... T.T But she never did... Lolz... Jk jk... Izz okay Alyssa... ^.^
Oskies... I'm done I guess... I'm just so confuzed right now... I don't know anything right now... I just wanna feel better... I'm still scared and I just don't know what to do at all... >.< P.S. My avi pwns you all!!! XD
