I don’t know what had come over me. I don’t remember what I was thinking. In fact, I can barely recall what I felt as those eternally long seconds slowly ticked by.
All I can remember is the pain in my heart.
The adrenaline in my veins.
Everything is a swirl of pain and anger and hurt even now as I think back on it. A dull pain has begun spreading across the back of my head as I kept turning my mind back to those moments of utter insanity on my part. Those moments where I had lost myself to my emotions and let myself be guided by a part of me that I had never known I possessed.
They told me it was the ‘System’. It was the system that had possessed me and taken over my consciousness. My sanity. It was the system that had made me fire that shot straight into his chest. It was the system, they said, that made me almost kill him.
I’m almost beginning to believe them.
Almost.
I stared at my hands as they clenched and unclenched before me. I am currently on the couch in the sitting room, hunched over as I waited. Like I had been waiting for the past two weeks, for him to awaken. For those emerald eyes to open again, even accusation and hate was preferred over this silence. This stillness.
The others were gone. They had things they had to do. They had missions to complete. But not me. No, I am still too unstable they said. Too emotional to be of use. So I can only sit here and wait. Wait for those eyes to open. Wait for my guilt to consume me. Wait for the hate and the condemnation I am certain will come.
I can only wait…
I can only remember…
I can only feel…
Wait. Am I hearing correctly? Is that movement I hear coming from the room I had set aside for him? And without a second thought, I pushed myself up from the couch and dashed for the door. Without hesitation, I pulled it open and jerked to a halt as I was met with that same emerald I remembered so well. That same deep, swirling emerald gaze I have been craving for the past couple of weeks.
I continued to stare, waiting for a sign. Waiting for…
 D i c h o t i c · Mon Jul 07, 2008 @ 05:46am · 0 Comments |
